It’s Safe Now, Apollo Theater, John McCain’s Here

August 19th, 2014 // 15 Comments
John McCain
WATCH: John McCain Does The Robot? Maybe?

Last year’s Apollo Theater fundraiser ended in Jamie Foxx grabbing Katie Holmes‘ next to Colin Powell, so this year he had his work cut out for him. Fortunately, John McCain was on hand, and if there’s one thing Republicans love, it’s apparently dancing in the Hamptons. (I could’ve sworn it was chasing gays, blacks and barren women into Mexico with AR-15s while quoting scripture, so wow, do I feel stupid.) Via Gawker:

“I looked down at McCain and he was like, ‘I can do this,’” Foxx told the Journal, “It’s the ones you don’t expect. It’s the Republicans. Republicans love to dance in the Hamptons.”

For those of you who can’t, or just don’t feel like watching the video, it’s basically this but set to music and with more black people:

John McCain Obama Debate

In related news, protestors in Ferguson, Mo. have reportedly been moved by Senator McCain’s attempts to preserve African-American culture and have agreed to sit down with police who were relieved they no longer had to figure out a way to drop an atom bomb. “Christ, half the instructions are in German,” a spokesperson said.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

superficial

  1. Cock Dr

    I did not expect that.
    *gropes in desk for emergency vodka medication*

  2. I lean to the left of him politically, but John McCain is one of the most fascinating people in the world to me. No sarcasm. He spent five years as a POW in Viet Nam, much of the time living in a box and beaten regularly. Most people would have come home and lived out a pretty miserable life. Instead he married a rich hot chick much younger than him and became a senator and nearly president.

    • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

      He is very interesting, sure.

      He would never have gotten to be a Navy pilot, due to his poor academic performance, if it weren’t for his father and grandfather being in the admiralty.

      While some say he crashed 5 planes, I’m not sure about that. At least one of his planes was lost due to pilot error. The others are questionable. Apparently one was lost when another plane, on the ground, accidentally fired a missile, and killed 134 sailors.

      His wife waited for him while he was a POW. Then when she was in a bad car accident and needed his support, he left her for the rich drug addict.

      I don’t like him, but he is interesting, for sure.

  3. And what happened then…? Well…in Fish-ville they say
    My respect for John McCain grew 3 sizes that day…

  4. Hey, this is the man who brought us Sarah Palin. No amount of inept choreography is ever gonna top that.

    • Slash

      Agreed. Just because an old man managed to shuffle awkwardly for a minute without having a stroke doesn’t qualify him for statesman of the century.

      But I’m sure its entertainment value as a gif will live on long after he finally checks out. So there’s that.

      • What would truly be entertaining is Sarah Palin having a stroke, but since there’s absolutely no blood flowing into her so-called brain anyway, we can all forget that one.

  5. Joe Bob

    And Fish sinks to a new low, mocking a man who has truly served his country.

    Fuck you, Fish.

    • Fuck off. McCain’s service to his country doesn’t render him a saint any more than Poppy Bush’s bailing out of a Corsair turned him into a fucking eagle. McCain’s war record is questionable at best, and his family wealth meant that he never had to suffer the substandard medical care that his fellow soldiers had to endure. So for all that he beats that fellow-soldier-war-hero-veteran drum like there’s no tomorrow, he somehow manages to vote against every single bill that would improve VA benefits. The one bill that did pass in 2008 was one he actively campaigned against, but he still tried to take credit for it even though he never showed up to vote. See, opposing the bill was actually in everyone’s best interest because he had a much better version in the works – even if every VA and VFW single organization didn’t want it.

    • blerg

      Served his country? That shit stain did tv spots for the commies after capture, squealed like a bitch and spilled everything in order to avoid being treated like the other soldiers.

    • blerg

      Also how did serving in Vietnam serve the American people?

  6. I’m an entire area code to the left of this Bozo, but to hell with that. I wanna fuck his daughter, Meghan. And I don’t care if she is a plumper — she’s cute and has great tits!

  7. Bob Vila

    I love reading posts from all these blog reading bitches who sit and play computers all day. You’re all true assets and contributors to this country. No shock that your generation stands around waiting for their handout.

Leave A Comment