John Mayer Wants Kim Kardashian
John Mayer could be testing his white supremacist penis’ threshold for Armenians soon. He apparently went out with Kim Kardashian the other night who’s a famewhore with no moral compass, so this battle’s already over. Page Six reports:
One source said, “They brought along other friends, but the idea was to see if they would hit it off.” Kim’s made it clear she’s on the hunt for a new man in New York. But Mayer wasn’t amused when we reported they were seen chatting in the lobby of Sirius XM last December. He wrote on Twitter, “I see @kimkardashian at Sirius/XM and say hello like a gentleman and you want to spin a story at my expense? [Bleep] you!”
Some people might be stupid enough to believe Kim Kardashian will see right through John Mayer and realize he’s only looking for another notch on his Wang Swastika , but the man’s smarter than we give him a credit for because I see this working out for several reasons:
1. Kim’s career was built entirely on the release of a sex tape.
2. She’d bang Hitler for press. [Ed. This should settle the 800 “Wait, John Mayer’s not black…” arguments I should’ve prepared for.]
3. She won’t write a song about it because she lacks any form of creative talent. (See: Career built entirely on the release of a sex tape.)
I might even go so far to say this is like shooting fish in a barrel for John Mayer, but perhaps a better metaphor would be shooting the broad side of a barn. A large, round, bulbous barn. That looks like a butt. (Too subtle? You’re right.)