John Mayer Wants Kim Kardashian

October 20th, 2010 // 59 Comments

John Mayer could be testing his white supremacist penis’ threshold for Armenians soon. He apparently went out with Kim Kardashian the other night who’s a famewhore with no moral compass, so this battle’s already over. Page Six reports:

One source said, “They brought along other friends, but the idea was to see if they would hit it off.” Kim’s made it clear she’s on the hunt for a new man in New York. But Mayer wasn’t amused when we reported they were seen chatting in the lobby of Sirius XM last December. He wrote on Twitter, “I see @kimkardashian at Sirius/XM and say hello like a gentleman and you want to spin a story at my expense? [Bleep] you!”

Some people might be stupid enough to believe Kim Kardashian will see right through John Mayer and realize he’s only looking for another notch on his Wang Swastika™ , but the man’s smarter than we give him a credit for because I see this working out for several reasons:

1. Kim’s career was built entirely on the release of a sex tape.
2. She’d bang Hitler for press. [Ed. This should settle the 800 "Wait, John Mayer's not black..." arguments I should've prepared for.]
3. She won’t write a song about it because she lacks any form of creative talent. (See: Career built entirely on the release of a sex tape.)

I might even go so far to say this is like shooting fish in a barrel for John Mayer, but perhaps a better metaphor would be shooting the broad side of a barn. A large, round, bulbous barn. That looks like a butt. (Too subtle? You’re right.)

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News


  1. uno?


  2. adrienne

    How does he land all of these women? seriously, i thought the point of being male was that you had more testosterone in your body than i do. jesus i expect this man to bleed once a month…..

  3. Bunny

    Ughhhhhhhh run Kim. Run as fast as your big ass will take you darling.

  4. That Guy

    I haven’t seen Kim date any Caucasian guys in recent times. Maybe John can be the combo-breaker.

    • Willy Wonka

      She doesn’t date white guys because their dicks are to small to fit inside her mammoth ass…….even black dudes have a hard time getting it in there.

  5. Cock Dr

    He can have her.
    Until he dumps her for next month’s starlet of the moment.
    May they have much happiness together exchanging viruses & Twittering nude pics of one another.
    Maybe he can convince her to get a big tattoo……perhaps “StarFucker” or “FameWhore” inked a nice gothic script, with little stars all around.

  6. Lady Blah Blah

    What a bag of excrement.

  7. NeNe

    Since both of them are fame-whores, they will make a perfect couple.

  8. Hope he nails her good. Then holds a press conference about it. Tho shed probly film it for her show anyhow..

    So shes “gone back” then?

  9. Kim Kardashian in Toronto
    Commented on this photo:

    She is the breast!!! Thats why she is famous for me.

  10. You can find me on Facebook

    Chances are she has already fucked him and is probably regretting it..Why because it is John Mayer.

  11. Rough skills & power tools

    Hell succeed! not sure about Kim K. Like I said the domino effect!

    You can be mad at the formula all you want. But its been proven….

  12. ugh

    john, stay away from plastic face. she does anything for attention and will steal every ounce of your spotlight.

  13. Turd Ferguson

    Two pieces of crap.
    At least one has an actual career and some talent – the other paints 2 hours of makeup on her face each day to parade around and shop and try to be famous by whoring herself out.

  14. Compound9

    I hope John gets a chance, I hope they are both so happy together that they stop going out into public forever. Then maybe we all could be happy.

    I cant wait till ten years down the road when shes out of money, no longer famous what-soever and washed up dried up, so dry in fact the diseases wont survive. I digress, In no time she will be back on her knees hunting the illusive old rich cock.

  15. How is this news?? I want to bang her. Most of the guys in this room want to bang Kim except for Randal

  16. you dumb assholes

    She is so stupid. She was so pretty in 2007, and had to go ahead and fuck up her face,

    I guess it is the ugly working it’s way out from the inside.

  17. FattyFatty2X4

    great writing Fishy, I’m still rollin’.

  18. Kim Kardashian in Toronto
    Commented on this photo:

    camel toe in 8

  19. Jeffbeck

    Well these two famewhores will keep passing STD’s back and forth to each other.

  20. Plobes

    She is walkin out of the Smyth Hotel in Tribeca

    My mom and I were there while she, Kourtney and Scott Disick were staying in the 5 thousand dollar a night penthouse. We didn’t see the girls, but my mom saw Scott , dressed to the nines in some pink and gray dandy’s suit walkin out of the hotel at like 10 in the morning


  21. Jack Mykokov

    You’re all douches! Why don’t you all disappear back up Kim Whoredashian’s vagina where you came from?

  22. stevebeagle

    lil too pale aint he ?

  23. See Alice

    Kim K another Rikishi Phatu wanna be .

  24. Lisa

    Eeww, imagine the cocktail of STDs between the both nof them.

  25. The ONLY HETERO in this Joint

    I see the synergy even if Fish doesn’t: He’s a white man with a black man’s penis. For the Kim Kardashian HR Dept he qualifies as a two’fer.

  26. Good Match

    He is sexy. That much talent and creativity = sex. He also seems like a decent guy with a lot of wit and intelligence. I like them together. Balance one another

  27. Kim Kardashian in Toronto
    Commented on this photo:

    what r u signing u disgusting bitch.. ur such filth you cant even realize when you dont deserve it..u deserve absolutely nothing.

  28. johnyU

    Wouldn’t that be awesome if they hooked up? Then I could ignore them both with only half the effort.

  29. Kim Kardashian in Toronto
    Words of Wisdom
    Commented on this photo:

    Kim has grown into her looks. She is really starting to look great!

  30. B

    She should get with Chris Angel.

  31. Ash Bones

    Charlie Sheen would be perfect for her.

  32. she's color blind, she doesn't give a s**t

    Mayer is an idol….he gets all the bitchasshoneys. We dudes have much vicarious thrills over his fun life.

  33. me

    ummmm….. John’s penis is “racist” and she only dates black men. Ain’t gonna happen.

  34. Um… he can have her. I’m certainly not going to argue.

  35. I can’t believe I’m typing this but even he is too good for her

  36. Willy Wonka

    Should change the title to “John Mayer wants a big, fat, pig!”

  37. Kat Von D fan

    Another SEX-TAPE Please… This time more of KIM’s body and less or none of the guy…

  38. Dani

    She might as well bang John since no rich famous man wants to marry an ex porn star. The only rich famous men that would want to marry her are men that are addicted to sex, will have affairs, and frequent strip bars like Martin Sheen.

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