I Guess John Mayer Is Offically A Stinky Deadhead Now Who Only Smokes Weed

The remaining members of The Grateful Dead have been signing Saudi oil-sized checks to John Mayer for noodling along with them on their Dead & Company tour, kicking the tie-dyed guitar humper’s mid-life crisis into 6th gear. Gone are the days when John Mayer could sleep off a hangover between Katy Perry’s giant boobs, because the deadheads have fully converted him into one of those guys who uses corny codewords for marijuana like “buddha,” “kindbud,” and “wacky tobacky.”

In Rolling Stone’s upcoming issue, Mayer talks about how “drinking is a f**king con, man” and pretends to still have no feelings for Katy Perry’s boobs when they confront him on being the best lay she’s ever had.

“I don’t have a cool enough thought for you. I’ve hacked this game. I pay very little for the price of fame now… I’m having the time of my life. I’m 39 — I remember 32. I don’t wanna do it again.”

John Mayer is that guy at your high school reunion that’s sick and tired of “living life in this consuming rat race, man. I had to get out.” Turns out he has a lot more in common with the folks willing to shell out thousands of dollars to see a few dinosaurs play Grateful Dead jams and watch account executives shit their pants after eating too many shrooms.