John Mayer is Still Writing Songs For Jennifer Aniston

May 2nd, 2012 // 25 Comments
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It seems that three years of plowing through groupies while simultaneously morphing into Johnny Depp has done little to ease John Mayer‘s pain over knowing that he’ll never bang Jennifer Aniston again. Well that, or knowing that saying her name would get some press and move a couple more iTunes units, but it’s probably that first thing. US Weekly:

Explains the source: “He wrote the song as a farewell letter knowing [Jen] would hear it. Ultimately he’s done a lot of self reflection though and it he realizes they weren’t right for each other.

Yes, because nothing more clearly indicates to your ex that you’re over it and ready to move on like a sad song about the crippling depression you’ve had over them for THREE YEARS! Listen carefully John, because here’s what you do next. First, get really drunk. Like already pissed yourself twice and broke furniture drunk. Then you call Justin Theroux. Not to pick a fight, but to tell him to make sure he takes care of Jen because she’s a really great girl who deserves it. And make references to the crazy sex you used to have with her. BOOM! Over it. Oh yeah, you should probably get rid of all of the knives and shoelaces in your house. Trust me, it’s a starting anew thing.

Photo: Splash News

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  1. John Mayer
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    He’s looking at the dog’s ass and it reminds him of Aniston? Someone tell her she needs to wax her bikini zone!

  2. John Mayer
    Frank Burns
    Commented on this photo:

    “Oh look, there’s a homeless man I can pay to pick up the doggy poo.”

  3. Jquery is not a function, yo.

  4. Deacon Jones

    I threw my shoulder out last week trying to change the radio station as quickly as possible while I was driving.

    I hate this fucker and hopes Lindsay Lohan plows right the fuck into him….SOBER.

  5. EricLr

    Next stop, drunk-dialing Jessica Simpson in the hospital and then stumbling over to Jennifer Love Hewitt’s house to propose (which she will accept of course, making for a very awkward next morning).

    • JC

      Only awkward for him. When he wakes up, she’ll be modeling wedding dresses while wearing three engagement rings, and he’ll have his very own engagement ring fused to the bone of his finger. And one of those electric fence dog collars sewn into his neck.

  6. Ursula

    omg he’s back

    I missed him!!!

  7. Dramatic Puddle

    Wow. This guy will do or say anything to try to be relevant. Does he really think Aniston cares so long after the fact? She’s got someone else in her life who obviously makes her happy. Mayer has nothing better to do and nothing more to offer than milking a long-dead relationship. He’s pretty pathetic.

  8. Crabby Old Guy

    What is he, a 12-year old girl? Man up you fucking poodle.

  9. John Mayer
    Mickey01232000
    Commented on this photo:

    Look everyone it is the gay urban cowboy.

  10. Oh good.Here comes the guy who’s supposed to help me raise a barn.

  11. John Mayer
    Expert on Everything
    Commented on this photo:

    SUCH a douche nozzle

  12. Is he with Debbie Rowe?

  13. EO

    Wow. He looks like Bono circa 1986 here.

  14. Seth Goldbloom

    Who dumped who?
    Man , get it together . Writing a song about it is just one step above drunk – dialing and sobbing

  15. Mike Walker

    Stevie Ray Yawn

  16. Schmidtler

    John, take it from me, I’ve been writing songs for Jen for years, it won’t get you anywhere. Of course, all mine have a common theme of knocking her out with a truncheon and keeping her naked & chained up in my basement, so maybe that explains it.

  17. yoohoo

    Schmidtler > hi Brad1

  18. This guy needs to take a 12-step program on an 11-step long pier.

  19. I kind of like him.

  20. Jon and Kate Plus Hate

    Didn’t this guy get all racist that one time? BUUURNNN HIIIIMMMm !!1

  21. honeybunn

    please everyone leave John Mayer alone. His new song is a hit.I know how he feel. It is rough when you love someone and can’t seem to get over that person. sometimes you don’t realize it until it is too late.Sometimes we never get over our first love.I just hope that they will remain friends if nothing else.

  22. Sara

    If Jen Aniston WAS the inspiration, then I think I owe her a thank you. After all, “Shadow Days” is amaaaazing and I bet “Born and Raised” as a whole will be, too. Can’t wait to grab it May 22!

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