John Mayer Needs Dating Advice
Apparently John Mayer’s Johnny Depp cocoon state involves self-reflection as much it does Panama hats. Despite the fact his life has been a walking poon buffet that at one point involved Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jessica Simpson before they started eating their feelings and a post-divorce Jennifer Aniston, he’s now seeking out dating advice and trying to figure out why he just wants to have sex with women instead of getting involved with their emotions and conversations about shoes. Clearly there’s something wrong with him. Via Celebuzz:
After making headlines for all his breakups, the “My Stupid Mouth” singer decided to seek out some real relationship advice from VH1′s Tough Love host, Steve Ward. Steve tells Celebuzz that he bumped into Mayer at a VH1 Save The Music Foundation event last year and was surprised when the singer pulled him aside to get intimate advice about why his relationships have all fizzled.
“When he had me alone, John asked me what I thought about his love life, so I told him point blank, ‘I think you got a chip on your shoulder, man. You’re pissed off about your childhood or being bullied, and now you unfortunately take it out on women.’”
John was apparently taken aback, but Steve continued dish the singer some tough love.
“I told him he had to realize that he had won. He was ten times more successful than the next most successful person to come out of his high school. And odds are, they had to graduate to be that successful. I told him, ‘If I were you, I’d pat myself on the back, and let go of it,’” he recalled.
JOHN: Steve, Steve-a-rino, need a little help.
STEVE: Can I promote myself with it?
STEVE: Hit me.
JOHN: I need a way to more easily dump women without even pretending to give a fuck about them as human beings.
STEVE: Hmm… What if I gave a public statement saying how you were bullied in high school which prevents you from being able to emotionally attach to someone? You’re like an abandoned puppy.
JOHN: Can you throw in that I have a nigger pass?
STEVE: I’m, uh, I’m not comfortable saying that.
JOHN: Had to ask. So, did you like the fourth Pirates movie? I just love making those.
STEVE: I.. wait, what?
JOHN: Tim Burton! Buddy! There you are. *hugs a plant*