John Grisham: Lay Off Old Drunks Who Accidentally Download Child Porn

UPDATE: John Grisham’s sorry.

America has a vastly overpopulated prison system stemming from a host of socioeconomic reasons including poverty, racism, and capitalistic greed. Except if you ask John Grisham, the biggest problem is locking up affluent white men in their 60s who have a few too many drinks and “accidentally” download child porn. They’re the real victims here. Via Gawker:

“A friend of mine, ten years ago, was drinking. His drinking was out of control. And he went to a website—it was labeled, 16-year-old wannabe hookers, or something, some stupid website. And it said, 16-year-old girls. So he went there. Downloaded some stuff. It was 16-year-old girls who looked 30. You know, they were all dressed up and whatever. He shouldn’t have done it, it was stupid. But it wasn’t 10-year-old boys and he didn’t touch anything. And golly, a week later there was a knock on the door. FBI. And it was a sting set up by the Royal Canadian Mounted Police to catch people—sex offenders. And he went to prison for three years.

Is it legal to assume John Grisham made air quotes while saying “a friend of mine?” Because I’m gonna. Anyway, back to America’s prison problem. We’re turning good, elderly men into animals and for what? Looking at some tartlet online in a purely heterosexual manner after a few too many sips of brandy? One of them came home and threw pudding at his wife. By golly, they’re WHITE.

“We have prisons now filled with guys my age. Sixty-year-old white men in prison who’ve never harmed anybody, would never touch a child,” he said in interview to promote his new novel, Gray Mountain.
“But they got online one night and started surfing around, probably had too much to drink or whatever, and pushed the wrong buttons, went too far and got into child porn.”
Grisham adds, “These are people who haven’t hurt anybody. They deserve some type of punishment, whatever, but 10 years in prison?”

I think I speak for everyone when I say Paula Deen and John Grisham should never, ever be in the same room together. Ever.

“All I’m sayin’, sugah, is the antebellum south was a beautiful period, and we as Southerners, should have the freedom to use Negros as slave decorations for weddings and the such. It’s not like we’d still own them, they’d just be props, sugah. Lovely lovely props to remind everyone of how much more proper and genteel life was back then. When we owned them.”
“And I see nothing wrong with that, Ms. Deen. We are of a proud heritage. Which is why I believe an elderly Southern man should be afforded the liberty to retire to his study and avail himself to several libations should he see fit. And should said libations turn his thoughts to lust, who are we to judge him should that lust accidentally lead him to acquire photos of young girls? Not boys, mind you, such deviance won’t be tolerated, but young girls dressed in a sexual nature. Are not accomplished white men in their elder years afforded such understanding? Looking at child porn is practically a victimless crime unless, of course, you count my wealthy brethren shackled for an innocent dalliance from too much drink.”
“Mr. Grish-ham, I do believe I like the way you talk. We should put our book money together, and buy an island, sugah. An island of southern freedom! With perhaps a few ‘servants’ if you catch my meaning, sugah.”
“And child hookers?”
“Well, I wasn’t going to say that out loud, but some occasions do call for directness. Let’s bind our agreement over grits. Buttah and sugah, sugah?”
“Yes’m.”

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