John Goodman As Colonel Sanders Isn’t Helping

August 1st, 2012 // 47 Comments
John Goodman Colonel Sanders
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In case you missed the calm, rational discussion I started on Facebook pointing out all the Godly, salt-of-the-earth white bigots swarming my local Chick-fil-A this morning to tell faggots to keep their jazz hands off their marriage, today is “National Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day” because apparently Mike Huckabee can just declare holidays now. Anyway, in response, Funny or Die posted the above video of John Goodman as a gay-friendly Colonel Sanders which really does nothing to support gay rights considering it’s mostly weird and makes the colonel look like an unhinged racist supervillian/debutante. I almost hate gay people just from watching it. That said, now would be a good time for Burger King and/or McDonald’s to put out ads saying, “We don’t give a shit what you believe, just eat our fucking food and stop bugging people on Facebook.” I see that going over well.


  1. Emma Watson's Vagina


  2. USDA Prime McBeef

    Big ups for the Harvard of the Ozarks, Missouri State University (née Southwest Missouri State). Suck it bitches!

  3. Johnny P!

    And then, one day, America stopped giving a shit about the fags and lesbians, and said: “Whoah! Fuck! What about all this childhood obesity? And these foreclosures on homes? And the economy? And the effects of ‘fracking’ for natural gas? And these fucking insanely rich bank CEOs giving themselves whopping bonuses while the economy is still nosediving? And the South-of-the-Border drug cartels are still thriving?”
    If you’re a non-uber-right-wing-’Christian’-Republican (and no, not all Republicans are), then pull your head out of your ass and fix things.
    “Do you, Gregory, take this Man, Michael to be your lawfully wedded…”
    “Do you, Debra, take this woman Sandra to be your lawfully wedded…”
    Who gives a fuck? Just fix what’s broken, and get over it, for Chrissakes!

    • USDA Prime McBeef

      The biggest voting block in the country is the gullible and the jsut plain stupid. And where’s the best place to court the gullible and the plain stupid? That’s right, church.

      • Frank Rizzo

        well damn, I swore I had guessed right on your question with ‘television’. who still goes to church anymore? you need to see what’s going on in church, that’s channel 63.

      • Kono Kalakaua

        Knee – jerk liberals are too holy or spiritual to go to church? Somehow , the act of going to church makes you less intelligent?
        Some people have no tolerance for any other point of view . That arrogance makes them less than superior to other people.

      • Atheism for one and all

        ‘the act of going to church makes you less intelligent?’

        No, you go to church BECAUSE you are less intelligent.

    • The only America that will happen in is Twilight Zone America. It’s a lot easier to go after gay people over something as trivial and stupid as marriage, than it is to take a long hard look at the situation and make the sacrifices to fix it.

      According to conservatives, god doesn’t give a fuck about all of those things you mentioned. “Stop the gays” is all he cares about.

  4. That video was kind of creepy.

  5. Frank Rizzo

    John Goodman had to lose weight for an acting role. Alot of weight. The role was playing Babe Ruth. Just throwing that out there.

    • Dick Hell

      That was a long time ago. Now all he has to do to look thinner is stand next to Jessica Simpson.

  6. cc

    KFC “Wipe your greasy face with the rainforest”

  7. Animal

    I liked it.

  8. DeucePickle

    I like Mel Gibson’s version better.
    I think it should be pointed out that Chic Fil A doesn’t care if you’re gay, they just don’t want you getting married in their store.
    Right….or…. ?

  9. Abby Normal

    Before the bird goes in the bucket
    The Colonel once said, “You must pluck it
    Then one little trick
    To season it quick
    Is to whip out your dick and then fuck it”

  10. Mike Walker

    >all the Godly, salt-of-the-earth white bigots swarming my local Chick-fil-A

    Yeah, cause blacks aren’t homophobic at all…

    • Would you look at this racist.

      • Mike Walker

        Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day – as it is being called was the idea of former Arkansas governor and Fox News contributor Mike Huckabee. But as protests against Chick-fil-A swelled across the country, dozens of groups and prominent individuals joined in support of the company.

        Among the groups is Project 21, a black conservative activist organization. One of its members, Demetrios Minor, said critics of Dan Cathy have taken his statements completely out of context. “I think liberals are missing a vital point in their blind hatred of Chick-fil-A,” Minor said in a statement sent to Fox News. “Being against gay marriage is not being anti-gay.”

  11. Walter Sobchak

    Shut the fuck up, Donny.

  12. Free_Speech_For_All

    I am all for gay rights and have 2 gay family members also.
    But why can’t the owner of Chic Fil A say whatever the hell he wants? They’re not refusing to serve anyone.
    What happened to free speech? If you’re against gay marriage, great!! That’s your choice and belief.
    Gays and blacks have parades, college funds, history months. But if whites and straight people had these things it would be cataclysmic. To my African American friends. Slavery ended over 150 years ago. People in the USA living today had nothing to do with it. Stop!! Gay friends: Laws are changing and you’re winning. Don’t attack people over the right you have also FREE SPEECH! I promise if a gay group came out and said they oppose straight marriage most of us would NOT get our undies in a wad.
    We have become such pussies and overly sensitive here in the USA. It sucks. Please stop!

    • Okay, I’m going to explain this one last time, and I’m going to use easy words so you’ll understand: the First Amendment only keeps the GUBBERMINT from stepping all over your free speech rights. Everyone else in the country is free to hold you accountable (responsible) (to be blamed) for the idiotic things you say in public.

      Part of the controversy (thing that has happened that is making people REAL MAD) is because Chick-Fil-A is donating millions of dollars to groups that spread misinformation (untrue things) about gays, promote psychological reprogramming (brain stuff that changes how you act) of gays, and lobby to prevent gays from having the same rights as straight people. You see, there is a difference between disagreeing with gays and doing everything in your power to keep them stripped of their rights.

      • Herschel Dubin

        Thought He was just against gay marriage , not gay life

      • Mike

        Your absolutely right the first amendment only prevents you from being prosecuted by the government for what you say. So people who disagree with the Chil-fil-A CEO should boycott eating there. Although it has been pretty well know that Chik-Fil-A is a christian run business for quite some time and it really should come as no shock that some people in the Chikl-Fil-A business might be against gay marriage.

        Now the problem arises in that they are being attacked by local governments who want to ban them from opening in their cities because of what the CEO said. The ACLU is even willing to help them fight this. If you allow local governments to ban this company because the CEO is against GAY marriage then get ready for more conservative local governments to ban businesses that say support gay marriage you can’t have it one way without the other.

    • “But if whites and straight people had these things it would be cataclysmic.”

      “Cataclysmic”? Rlly? Listen up, moron – “whites and straight people” don’t need “months” or “parades” or “college funds” because society automatically caters to their privileged asses, and has done so even before this country was founded.

      “Whites and straight people” don’t have to fight for shit, so your vehement defense of the rights of people who already get their own fucking way all the fucking time is a tad fucking misplaced. The only reason that parades, months and college funds for blacks, gays and other minorities exist in the first place is because white straight people weren’t about to be inclusive of anyone who wasn’t white or straight. So to bleat about not having parades, months and college funds when you’re already on top and actively kicking other people away from the top of the hill makes you look like a fucking ridiculous, needy, whiny, selfish pussy.

      Ever been clueless – not to mention entitled – enough to ask why there’s a “mother’s day” and a “father’s day”, but how come there’s no “children’s day”? Remember the answer your parents gave you after they got done rolling their eyes at the effrontery of your greedy little ass? “That’s because every day is children’s day.” Sound familiar?

      And FYI, whiny boy, here’s the ultimate irony – the UNCF doesn’t discriminate, it’s open to all ethnicities. But if you’re white (yeah, big guess here) and really feel that you’re being oppressed and not getting your fair share of the privileged life you’re already automatically entitled to by being white and straight, then by all means, be my guest and apply for a scholarship — because God forbid you should miss out on a single opportunity to take with both grabby hands what you know you’re entitled to, right?

      • Think about it

        As good a point as you had ‘justifiable’, the “talk down to” tone of your rant is exactly what diminishes your message for those who thought differently and is the reason why any great counterpoint doesn’t have the impact it should. Not because the other person isn’t listening, but because we cover discussion with so much bullshit condescension and frustration that it becomes venting, hard to digest and largely unhelpful no matter how bang on you are.

  13. Che Fong

    Can you sodomize someone in a CFA? then there not anti – Gay !

  14. Fudge Packer

    I enjoys my chicken from CFA , then I goes about my business of fudge – packin!

  15. Kono Kalakaua

    Do they serve sweet and sour chicken ? If they serve sweet and sour chicken, then they can take any stand they want on gay marriage

  16. Dan Quayle

    Bucket thunder angst the was

  17. El Jefe

    This was just creepy and weird. I wish I never clicked play.

  18. All these fucking retarded hypocritical conservatives trying to defend a bigoted CEO who has diversive and vitriolic opinions about what he think Jesus wants our society to be like…What happened to Citizens United? what happened to corporations are people too my friend? You fucking cunts can’t have it both ways when a CEO can fund a campaign to influence an election for their own good with no limits ITS OK???, but when a CEO acts like bigoted cunt trying to influence the social and political narrative with its official statements, Well leave them alone! it’s not fair…Boo Hoo! Well fuck you nasty fucking cunts we ain’t buying it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  19. lilgrandma

    Gay ppl are the wrost ppl i know they act like we owe them eveything!! that’s their choice to be and it’s ok BUT it’s not ok with eveybody so RESPECT that too!! I have gay in my family too but they know better than not to respect me or others family members around them! they want to kiss or fuck each other like that go for it but don’t get mad if we don’t like it!! the lord say’s man n a woman not man n man or woman n woman! But if u gay it’s ok just don’t be kissing each other in front of me i don’t need my child to be more fuck up with this shit too!! Gay wants it all not just a lil that why i can’t stand some of them!!!

  20. Dude’s just upset he’s got a gay sounding name. The dude has the right to say he doesn’t support gay marriage, just like everyone else has the right to refuse to buy his shit because he is a bigoted asshole.

  21. Inmate 12236969

    Hey all you gay fuckers can suck my dick. I hear they’re pretty good at it.

  22. fenajsinkh

    Despite hating Christians, liking John Goodman and enjoying delicious chicken, this just wasn’t funny.

    *Votes ‘DIE’*

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