John Cusack Almost Had His Penis Cursed With Black Magic

As part of our commitment to more penis-related reporting, here’s John Cusack getting a restraining order against a woman who threatened his with “black candle magic.” TMZ reports:

Cusack believes the woman is monitoring his travel through social media, and fears she’ll be waiting for him one day when he gets home.
He says Subali’s reached out to his family as well … sending a couple of creepy emails to his sister-in-law. In one, she says Cusack came to her in a dream, and called him her favorite actor from the movie, “Serendipity.”
Another email was much darker — in it, he says Subali threatened to perform a “black candle spell on him,” which, according to her, would make him impotent … for life.

Wow, these Hollywood-types are soft as shit. (See what I did there?) Women curse my penis all the time and you don’t see me getting a judge involved. They’re always like, “Holy shit, get that thing out of my drive-thru window!” or “Put your fucking pants on and take me to an AA meeting. This is the bottom. I’ve hit rock bottom.” I’m changing lives is my point here.

THE SUPERFICIAL | AboutFacebookTwitter

Photo: Getty

(Were the Tom Hardy penis pics necessary? Yup.)

Tags: John Cusack