Joe Simpson trying to sell Jessica and Tony Romo’s engagement

June 4th, 2008 // 50 Comments

It’s no secret Joe Simpson loves money almost as much as his daughter’s breasts. He’ll do whatever it takes to get his hands on it. He let Pete Wentz shotgun wed Ashlee, and now he’s pressuring Tony Romo into proposing to Jessica. Of course, if Tony’s not ready for that commitment, Joe’s a generous guy and will settle for managing Tony’s contract with the Cowboys. I mean, it’s only worth $67 mil. Pfft. Pocket change. Us Weekly reports on Joe’s shenigans:

A source tells Us Joe asked Romo, 28, to drop his agent so he could take over his NFL career and $67.5 million contract.
He even offered to broker a deal to sell his engagement and wedding to a magazine should Romo and Jessica, 27, get engaged. “‘If you guys have a marriage, I can do the same [sell it] that I did with Ashlee,’” a source quotes him as saying.

Joe Simpson must walk around his house squeezing his daughters’ mammaries while saying “Cha-ching.” Actually, I know he does. Wanna know how? Joe sold me the exclusive story for ten bucks and a pic of Christina Aguilera’s cleavage. I gotta admit: the man can bargain. My initial offer was a half-eaten donut and a lingerie ad from today’s paper. That’s when he pulled the gun…

NOTE: Why is Tony Romo hiding his face in every single shot? Oh, wait, he’s had sex with Jessica Simpson. Never mind!


  1. cltsig


  2. thanthan

    sklhdfsdfsdf POW

  3. cltsig

    She is good for one thing. Well, 2 actually. Ok 3, but they’re all similar.

  4. He is NOT good looking

    read above.

  5. deacon jones

    I’m homo for romo

  6. Randal

    I’m really sad to know that Jessica has a father like this. He must have changed after his two daughters became famous because they’re both quite normal.

    All for money too. Shame.


  7. deacon jones

    I’m homo for romo

  8. deacon jones

    I’m homo for romo

  9. deacon jones

    I’m homo for romo

  10. deacon jones

    I’m homo for romo

  11. deacon jones

    I’m homo for romo

  12. Joe Simpson is a whore.

  13. Elmer the Fudd

    Looks like Daddy Joe has already got Romo’s cash – they are flying fucking commercial – he can’t even afford a charter!!!!

  14. Chupacabra

    Joe Simpson sent this story in, didn’t he?

  15. Randal

    I guess my fan #6 insists on being me forever. Perhaps he has the same name, but I think not.

    I hate seeing him disparage a man like Joseph Simpson: His parenting allowed his daughters to become the elegant, beautiful and successful women they are. Women I will some day be, despite what the psychiatrists say. Gender reassignment is a simple procedure now, and I don’t need any dime store Nostradamus with a book of Freudisms under one arm and a PHD under the other making decisions on my state of mind. I know I am a pretty princess in pink, even if I have this dangling extra flesh prodruding through my otherwisely perfect vulva.

    In summary, Joseph Simpson is a said, and I would be proud to be his daughter if he’d promise to be my Daddy. My loving, sometime inappropriate Daddy who gets lonely, but still MY Daddy!

  16. butterfly

    Can you imagine Papa Joe breathing down your neck all the time? Jessica must have beer-flavored nipples for Tony to stay with her. Papa Joe takes meddling to a whole new level. He’s absolutely shameless.

    I’m starting to feel sorry for Jessica. She’s not smart enough to tell Papa where to go.

  17. God, what WON’T he sell????? I’m surprised he doesn’t have a frigging booth at a flea market where he sells locks of his daughters’ hair, old undies, used tampons, whatever..
    Oh wait, I didn’t even read the post yet. Maybe he does.

  18. Randal's Rectum

    Oh how I meditate the feel of the seat cushion pressing up against me as the plane touches down at the Stockholm airport, bringing me one step closer to finally being rid of my massive bush of hair and that wretched taint that looms next to me.

    Welcome to Randal, luscious lady bits! You will be much admired, as well as being filled regularly by Randal’s soon-to-be legion of blind and deaf man whores!

    Ah yes. I will be filled as well. Once I am freshly shaved to display the beauty of my brown starfish.

    Randal’s Rectum

  19. Vince Lombardi

    Mrs. Roper, please contact Joe Simpson… we found your mu-mu.

  20. Samantha

    Eva Longoria, the Hispanic Jessica Simpson, was wearing that dress in an airport with her athlete significant other. Weird.

  21. tight lipped smiler

    My grandmother used to empty her chihuahua’s anal sacks in a housedress like that.

  22. Electric Barbarella

    I like how Homo-Romo’s face is down in every picture – “If I can’t see them they can’t see me”

  23. Satchel

    What in the hell is Romo still doing with this idiot? And what the hell makes Joe Simpson think he can now act as agent in the Sports world? Look at the job he’s done with his daughter’s careers, one is doing straight to DVD movies and the other married some guy from Fall Out Boy. Enough said. For the love of God has he no shame at all. WILL SOMEONE PUT HIM OUT OF MY MISERY!!!!!

  24. Miss Anthrope

    The sight of Joe Simpson makes my skin crawl.

    His obsession with his daughters is disturbing.

    There is something very, very wrong with that man.

  25. Anonymous

    #15 and #18:

    Right on.

  26. Veroonica

    For a pro athlete Tony isn’t in very good shape. There is hardly any muscle on him and, geesh, aren’t those man boobs?

  27. Not All His Fault

    Let’s be honest here… it’s not ALL Pappa Joe’s fault. It’s also the fault of his dumb whore daughters who don’t know how to be REAL WOMEN without their Daddy living their lives for them. I’m SO sick of this dumb whore Jessica Simpson. Go get another breast lift, honey.. I’m sure Daddy will pay for it and keep saying “they’re real.” Yeah, they may not have implants in them, but she sure as hell got a lift to even out her floppy, saggy tits. GROSS! Romo, are you that desperate??????????

  28. I think those arches are actually made of gold!!

  29. Is this tuna or chicken I'm eating?

    #27 it is Pappa’s fault – he’s the one who raised them that way! Let’s face it, neither is smart enough to take control of their own lives. He made them who they are. I fault him first and foremost. Both of those girls are like cows led on a leash to the next green pasture. They have no freakin’ clue. The mom is the smartest one IMO. She just keeps her mouth shut, stays in the background and spends money.

  30. Ted Mosby

    While she makes my dick hard, the thought of Joe Simpson makes me as flat as a Tony Romo playoff pass.

  31. I love Ted

    Ted- youre so hot.

  32. LL

    I hate people who pimp their children. Even if their children are adults and (supposedly) willing participants. Joe Simpson may be ready to challenge Donald Trump for the Douchebag of the Year title.

    Tony, don’t even think about marrying Jessica. Seriously. She’s like a cute little yappy dog. At first they’re adorable, but eventually all that yapping and shedding and humping your leg gets old.

  33. bubala

    Jessica please wear a bra…..they may be nice and real but they are hanging LOOOOOOWWWWWW.

    And a deep conditioning treatment for the hair wouldn’t hurt.

  34. sara

    she really needs a stylist.. and someone to pick out her clothes for her..

    what happened to that guy who used to dress her/be her best friend?

  35. Loud Dumb Guy

    I’ve got an engorgement with Jessica to sell…IN MY PANTS.

  36. crabby old guy

    I can see it all now, Papa Joe takes over representing Tony…next stop: “The new backup quarterback of your Toronto Argonauts…TONY ROMO!”

    Wonder if Papa Joe will “represent” Tony on the wedding night, too?

  37. crabby old lady

    #37 sure he will. Ain’t nothing he won’t do for his precious cash cows.

  38. Jamie's Uterus

    People still care about this untalented pathetic bitch?

  39. Old Dude

    #39, no, we just like looking at her boobies. Too bad they can’t be detached and given to someone more deserving.

  40. i do it for the drugs

    Run, Romo! Run like the wind!


    She’s tiny. No way he fits inside her tiny box.

  42. Popular Public Opinion

    Joe Simpson = ULTIMATE CREEP


    Jessica Simpson = ALL AMERICAN SLUT-BIMBO

  43. justifiable

    Jessica Simpson probably won’t have another chance at marriage, because it’s obvious it’ll always be a threesome with Daddy Joe. Nick Lachey said his fingerprints were all over their relationship because Jessica didn’t see what was wrong with sharing all the intimate details of their marriage with him because daddy’s a pastor. Which means she’s flocked until he dies.

  44. sissy

    hohoo, I am not that surprised at all. I saw her profile on the celebrities/rich men seeking affairs site !!!.S u g a r D a d d y conNec t . c o m last week. It said she is interested in seeking a rich man for sugar daddy on that site!

  45. Johnny

    Who did write her name on the passport wrong “Simpson, Jesica”?!?

  46. Cougar Texas

    Hey Joe Simpson, you terd.
    I have a really fabulous idea! Why don’t you hire Tony and his team to knock you around on the football field until you die of bleeding on the brain (takes a lil’ while in pain but you’ll eventually knock off) and then your girls can profit from your life insurance policy and live the rest of their lives in peace and harmony AFTER they get through 3 years of regression therapy for living with such a cock sucking mother fucker for a daddy! COOL! It works out for everyone!


  47. I want Jessica

    Jessica Simpson is a delicious sweet princess. It’s a cryin’ shame she hangs with a douche like Homo Romo.

  48. Lesley

    I want that maxi dress!!! I wonder where she got it

  49. Cougar Texas

    @49 – Hey Leslie…I just ordered a VERY cute maxi dress, same style but with a super cute large belt at the empire waste, but the pattern is lemons and limes. Too cute. I got it from Chadwick’s…

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