Joe Jackson denies beating Michael Jackson

In an interview with Larry King last night, Joe Jackson denied ever beating Michael Jackson as a child. To back up his claims, Joe inexplicably goes on to say that “beating started with slavery,” and any parent who says they never spanked their kid is “a liar.” Except for apparently Joe Jackson who immediately followed that statement with “But I never beat Michael.”

To dig his hole even deeper, Joe also believes Michael was raised properly because he didn’t “run the streets like other kids in his neighborhood.” But, you know, he’s right. Michael simply went on to surgically alter his face into Peter Pan and invite young boys over to his house for wine and porn. If that was anymore wholesome, puppies would jump out of a birthday cake and help the elderly cross the street. True story.