Joe Francis tries his hand at bribery

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Joe Francis is having a really bad week. First he was arrested on Tuesday for criminal contempt, then on Wednesday he was indicted for tax evasion, and now he’s being charged with bribing a jail guard and possessing prescription medications in his cell.

According to court records in Florida, Francis offered the guard $100 for a bottle of water on Wednesday evening. When guard turned him down, Francis showed him $500, investigators said. Jail inmates are not allowed to have cash. Supervisors then searched Francis’s cell and discovered 16 prescription medications, including Lunesta – a sleeping pill – and the anti-anxiety medication lorazepam, court records show … He wept as his mother blew him a kiss as he was led from a federal court room back to his cell.

That has to be the saddest bribe in the history of bribes. $500 for a bottle of water? Other prisoners are trying to score drugs and weapons, and this guy wants a bottle of water. He might as well put flowers in his hair and wear a sign on his back that says ‘Insert Here’ with an arrow pointing down.

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