Joe Paterno Fired For Real This Time,
A.K.A. ‘Scapegoated’ In Moron Talk

By: The Superficial / November 10, 2011

“You saw 10-year-olds raped in the shower? — Ah, well. So, listen, on this next play…”

While Photo Boy stuffs the site full of Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show pics, let’s take a minute to check in on ol’ Joe Paterno who announced his retirement yesterday and planned to finish the rest of the season except Penn State’s board of trustees had other plans and fired him effective immediately along with Penn State president Graham Spanier at 10 p.m. last night. And because we live in the greatest country on earth where football is basically religion now, a riot broke out in downtown State College by a bunch of jackasses who think sports are more important than making a growing list of child rapist enablers pay for being.. well, child rapist enablers. Except that dumb wasn’t contained to just Happy Valley, and if you’re like me you were slapped in the face on Facebook or Twitter with football worshipers acting like Joe Paterno was innocently nailed to a cross like Christ himself. So let’s address some of the more prevalent horseshit lines coming out of this thing, and keep in mind these are actual defenses I’ve heard from friends:

“Joe Paterno is a scapegoat!”
Yes, because clearly Joe Paterno is the only person suffering any consequences for this whole debacle, and he’s not one of at least five people as of this post either fired and/or arrested. That was just a mirage.

“If you’re yelling more loudly for Joe Paterno to be fired than for Jerry Sandusky to be strung up by his balls, you’re an idiot.”
This one boggles the mind and I saw this one repeatedly. Apparently if you support Joe Paterno being fired for letting this happen in his house, you’re sitting back going, “Now that Sandusky fellow, he’s alright…” Incredible logic.

“Why is no one calling for Mike McQueary to be fired?!”
You have to admire the simpletons that try to turn this into an either/or situation thanks to a brain mushified from watching men in tights move a ball down a field four hours on end. You can want Paterno fired AND McQueary fired at the same time. (I just blew your mind, I know.) They should both go down, especially McQueary who apparently sees kids being raped and doesn’t go, “Hey, stop raping that kid.” How do you even justify that? “Well, your honor, the old guy might accidentally bump into my pants with his naked erection. My hands were tied.”

“We just sacrificed an old man for a witch hunt. That’s what our society has come to.”
If holding every complicit motherfucker who let kids get raped to protect the reputation of a goddamn sports team accountable is a witch hunt, give me a Pilgrim hat and call me Miles Standish.

“But Joe Paterno’s legacy! Sixty years of coaching and this is going to be how he’s remembered?”
Kids. Got. Raped. Apparently that’s not as important as making sure a guy who devoted decades to a meaningless game is remembered as a dear, sweet grandfather type and not as an egomaniacal, good old boy who decided to quietly treat child rape like people in the 1950s treated spousal abuse to protect his “legacy.” Seriously, just fuck your hero worship. Right in the butt.

“I feel bad for Joe PA. Oh, and it’s a shame about the kids.”
Look back through your Facebook and/or Twitter feed and notice how many times you see that statement with the part about the kids added as an afterthought. “No, not the football coach! — Oh, right, those kids. I guess they kind of got it bad, too.” Priorities, America haz them.

I could go on and on with this, but bottom line, Joe Paterno was one of many, many people who covered up child rape to protect a fucking sports team and, surprise, he made himself the face of Penn State football, so of course he’s going to be the biggest target. That’s the price of a “legacy.” And if you’re looking at this situation going, “But he won so many games!” you’re part of the problem, I hope a professional athlete rapes your kid so I can go, “But look at those Super Bowl rings!” And I’m serious, you better tell me if it happens.

Photo: Getty