Joe Jonas Made A Sex Tape? With A Girl? Bahaha! Good One, Internet.

“I said, I want you in me.”
“I can see a tear forming in your eye. I know you heard me.”

Before we get into this, let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that not only does Joe Jonas have a “girlfriend,” but her name is Blanda Eggenschwiler. Blanda. Eggenschwiler. If I was writing an Archie comic, this is what I’d name the local egg baron’s daughter before making her kidnap all of Riverdale’s puppies to make a coat. Anyway, apparently the two of them made a sex tape that’s about to be leaked online provided it even exists which Joe Jonas’ rep is adamant it doesn’t. But if it does, here’s what would be in it, according to Blind Gossip:

At the beginning of the video, Joe and Blanda are sitting on the bed together. They are both drinking and smoking pot, and Blanda explains to Joe what she is going to do to him in detail.
They proceed to engage in multiple sex acts utilizing a variety of sex toys, including a large dildo, a gag ball, and a slapper paddle. Joe participates willingly, but seems less sure of how to use the sex toys, as well as how they will be used on him. He does not enjoy being paddled. At one point he has had enough and cries “Owww! Don’t do that anymore!” Blanda is the more dominant one in the video. At one point she inserts the dildo inside of herself, orders Joe to “lick my p**** juice off of it,” and he complies.
The couple is very vocal and there is a lot of overly dramatic screaming and moaning. The sex is explicit, and there are multiple close-up shots of Joe’s face, penis and testicles, as well as Blanda’s face, breasts, and vagina. In between sex acts, they consume shots of alcohol. The video looks as if it was shot over the course of several hours, and some scenes were shot multiple times, so we do not know which takes will appear in the final cut.

So, we all agree if this happened it’s because her brother was the cameraman? Okay, good.

Photos: GADE/AKM-GSI, Splash News