Joe Francis Is Going To Be The Father Of Twin Girls. Joe Francis.

And now for the most hilarious collection of words you’ll ever read thanks to Joe Francis announcing to Us Weekly that he specifically Kate Gosselin’d his girlfriend Abbey Wilson with twin girls because women’s bodies are but a canvas for him to create if create means taking naked pictures of drunk sorority girls:

Francis isn’t concerned about being the father of two girls. “We chose to have girls,” he said. “I believe people will finally understand my love, respect and admiration for women. I love girls.”

On May 7, 2013, Joe Francis was convicted of assault, three counts of false imprisonment, and one count of dissuading a witness from reporting after taking three women back to his house in 2011 and choke-slamming one of them to the floor after refusing to let them leave. This is on top of alleged reports of attacking Jayde Nicole and, oh I dunno, a pregnant woman, so yes, when I think of someone who “loves girls,” my first thought’s Joe Francis. He’s just a caring guy trying to Chris Brown his way into their hearts. Why can’t you see that?

Photos: Getty