Jocelyn Wildenstein looks really really good

March 7th, 2008 // 140 Comments

Don’t know who Jocelyn Wildenstein is? She’s a New York socialite who’s reportedly spent over $4,000,000 on plastic surgery over the years to keep her husband (God knows why it didn’t work). And yeah, I know what you’re thinking: “Only $4 million?” Shocking, isn’t it? Look at that craftsmanship. I would’ve guessed work that good would be worth at least double that. Wait, did I say double that? Because I meant a half eaten Hot Pocket. It’d be worth exactly a half eaten Hot Pocket. If I got within a hundred feet of this woman, my only thought would be to shoot her with a tranquilizer, throw her in a cage, and sell her to a zoo.

To see all 32 photos of the Cat Woman’s Chow Down, visit BauerGriffinOnline.com.

NOTE: What would compel anybody in the world to look at that face and think, “I must touch those breasts.” My guess is he lost a bet, and it was either this, or put his penis in a garbage disposal. I still think he made the wrong choice.

superficial

  1. lol

    lol at the last pic

  2. Phandral

    That last pic IS PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  3. pity

    she musta give realllyyy good head

  4. meme

    This is the lasting image you leave us with for the weekend??? My eyes hurt. I much prefer Kate Hudson’s pastey white butt.

  5. Annabel

    Gross!

  6. Canham

    He has to look away to kiss her, but he did it without spilling his lunch so have to give him some props.

  7. Smart Guy

    That’s the ugliest thing I’ve seen since I looked into L. Ron Hubbard’s soul.

  8. ho!

    damn, i didn’t know cheetara was still around. what you wanna bet there will be a thundercats reunion tour this summer?

  9. Tapeworm

    Holy fuck.

  10. iHATEdemo-Commies

    oh god, I would kiss Hitlery Clinton before touching that….. ugh…….

  11. iburl

    They should have a picture of this woman with the figure $4 Million” and Michael Jackson’s picture with the figure “$3 Million” underneath them in every plastic surgery place… just incase people want to know what all their money will get them…. anyone who gets plastic surgery for non medical reasons is a moron.

  12. Bil Clinton

    I’d hit it.

  13. im genuinely scared shitless…close yr eyes and think of the money old man! im damn scared i think i just pissed my pants looking at her pictures …mummy make it go away!

  14. TetterkeT

    The guy in the last pic looks like he’s resisting and she’s forcibly making him kiss her. Good god, how repulsive.

  15. Gross

    I had to look her up on wikipedia to see if I could find a “before” picture but they didn’t have one. It did say, though, that her husband died last February, so I’m guessing this guy isn’t him.

  16. Shelley

    STOP IT EVERYONE

    That’s my mother and she’s a wonderful person on the inside.

  17. TS

    You gotta be shiting me with that thing. Sweet mug.

  18. Daniel Plainview

    only 17 comments? yeah she’s not famous but that’s the scariest, most plastic face I’ve ever seen I puked blood and burst out laughing at the same time

  19. Randal

    It’s a shame in today’s day and age that women feel the need to engage in such brutal savagery on their own bodies. Such insecurities are not bred from the outside but from within. An ugly duckling will remain as such until their train of thought changes.

  20. i don't get it

    #19

    why are you trying to drink my milkshake, man ?

  21. Arguman

    I’m surprised most of you have never heard of her before.

    Here’s a gem I found that her husband, who died last month at 67 (her age too), said of her: “[I] couldn’t even recognize my own wife up close. She seems to think that you fix a face the same way you fix a house”

    And apparently the surgery stuff started when her ex, Alec, began dating some Russian model. Obviously not even all of his money could make her feel better about herself. Sad. She also likes animals, and apparently wanted to look more like a cat.

    Also, to be fair, this was her ex-husband: http://www.timesonline.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00293/wildenstein_185x278_293454a.jpg
    He looks like Mr. Moneybags.
    I can’t verify this, but from some website:

    Pushing fifty and insecure about her looks, Jocelyne visited a renowned plastic surgeon who was a friend of the family. She wanted to revitalize her appearance in order to recapture the Alec she was so desperately in love with. The first surgeries were successful, and Alec was so impressed with the results that he began to have a few alterations of his own. This happy state of affairs lasted quite some time, and Jocelyne had the feeling that things were once again back on an even keel. So it was with both shock and sadness that she learned Alec wanted to sleep with other women. Not knowing what to do, a desperate Jocelyne formulated a plan that was so audacious in its daring that she may be forgiven for failing to see its drawbacks.

    Jocelyne realized that Alec loved his jungle estate, and the cats that inhabited it, more than anything else in life. So armed with this information, she returned to her plastic surgeon with an unusual request: She wanted to be transformed into one of the giant Cats that Alec loved so much. Though surprised at this unorthodox request, the surgeon did his best to comply.”

  22. emarrrrrr

    Jeez, she looks like Fergie.

  23. nana

    lmao at #9, awesome

  24. lolwut

    wow….i cried…then i came….now im crying again

  25. Bill Clinton

    Jesus Christ… shouldn’t he have that thing on a leash? It looks like her face caught on fire and someone put it out with a pick-ax.

  26. twzzlrgirl

    The first pic in this grouping is a before pic…she’s very pretty….can’t imagine doing this to yourself; she must be sick.

    http://itp.nyu.edu/~bp432/blug/Jocelyn%20Wildenstein%20B%20&%20A.img_assist_custom.jpg

  27. Oh, this is the woman they have on Inside Edition or one of those shows who is addicted to plastic surgery, right?

    She just looks rediculous.

  28. L.Linus

    They are now doing face transplants, maybe she should get in line. I just hope I can sleep tonight, dam!

  29. maria vega

    with a face like that she must have the personality of an angel.

  30. jstunnah

    yikes. she needs to ask for her 4 mil. back…

  31. Janet

    She’s more than ridiculous looking. She’s genuinely scary-looking. I bet if you put little kids near her, her face would scare the shit out of them.

  32. jkl

    wow. I feel bad for her. I’m sure she IS a nice person….. she looks like a burn victim… yikes.

  33. ya_rly

    first i knock you down. Then I would pee all over you chanting house on fire, house on fire, put it out, put it out. Then I would make you drink antifreeze until you pass out. Then you would wake up in the morning in excruciating pain with a size seven poop chute! This is the kind of girl you would have that kind of night with. I bet her date is an aspiring actor too – he totally looks the part. I don’t want to sound to terribly crass but I bet he’s also jewish – sorry jew friends!

    RIP Phil Hartman!

  34. lambman

    I always heard it reported she got the surgeries to look like her cat. I remember flipping through tabloids at my grandma’s house when I was little and being terrified of her, she has looked like this for quite some time. In fact this is actually a bit toned down, usually she has that raw look of just having gotten a chemical peal and has cat eye make-up

  35. Giomon_Rocks

    Wow. I’m going to have nightmares tonight. How can that man stand to have sex with that monstrous beast. In the photo where they are about to kiss, he has this grossed out look on his face. Are noses supposed to bend like that?

  36. Ive never been much of a cat person, but she freeks me out! I would hate to meet her in an alley, . . .

  37. D. Richards (Freaked out.)

    Holy shit! I’m not making this up: I am literally scared of this woman, man, beast — thing. There’s nothing funny about it. I don’t have anything witty to say other than Jocelyn is what my nightmares are made-of.

    A little more: There’s a guy that actually fucks that mess?! Either he has the biggest set of testicles in the history of mankind, or he’s desperate.

  38. BOOBSWOBBLE

    THAT AIN’T HUMAN!

  39. EE

    Elephant Man!!…oops. I mean..Elephant Woman!!

  40. Ript1&0

    Alright. This is getting ridiculous. It’s like, I know you CAN make fun, but really, why?

    Oh ok. I get it. Her sadness and desperation are an easy target. And that’s funny. Or maybe she actually was such an undesirable, unattractive person that she deserved to have her husband cheat on her? Or maybe – she doesn’t own a mirror and can’t see what she looks like now. Which by the way is irreversible. I think, because of her mistakes, even if derived from love, that she no longer has any worth as a human. Maybe she should kill herself? That would be super funny, don’t you think? The biggest punchline of all.

    You never knew her, you never had to know her, and now she’s dead. Wow, she didn’t really matter, did she? That was totally hilarious.

  41. sweet mama

    god how horrible …………
    starving zoombie
    i feel ill …………..

  42. sweet mama

    god how horrible …………
    starving zoombie
    i feel ill …………..

  43. hannibalking

    First the politics and now this. Looks like Escape from LA is coming true.

  44. BIll

    omg that can’t be real

  45. I saw his profile in millonaire dating site” WealthyLoving.com”.I saw he is always dating in this site.He said he fall in heavily ill.Is that true?

  46. kitone

    For once I feel pity. That’s bloody sad, she’s got some serious mental issues to do this to herself. awful, no wonder it didn’t fucking work

  47. alina

    he can’t look at her!!=)) omg this is so fucking gross!!yackkkkkkkkk

  48. They should find the plastic surgeons who did this and prosecute them for crimes against humanity.

    Click the link on my name and vote for my T-shirt design. Please.

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