Jocelyn Wildenstein looks really really good

Don’t know who Jocelyn Wildenstein is? She’s a New York socialite who’s reportedly spent over $4,000,000 on plastic surgery over the years to keep her husband (God knows why it didn’t work). And yeah, I know what you’re thinking: “Only $4 million?” Shocking, isn’t it? Look at that craftsmanship. I would’ve guessed work that good would be worth at least double that. Wait, did I say double that? Because I meant a half eaten Hot Pocket. It’d be worth exactly a half eaten Hot Pocket. If I got within a hundred feet of this woman, my only thought would be to shoot her with a tranquilizer, throw her in a cage, and sell her to a zoo.

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NOTE: What would compel anybody in the world to look at that face and think, “I must touch those breasts.” My guess is he lost a bet, and it was either this, or put his penis in a garbage disposal. I still think he made the wrong choice.