Joaquin Phoenix says he has problems finding a girlfriend, because all his potential dates research him first. He explains, “I met a girl recently and we were out at dinner and suddenly she announces, ‘I’m vegan.’ I knew that was purely for my benefit because she got the information from a magazine and thought that was what she should say so we had something in common. You can see why meeting new people is so awkward. Normal things, like, ‘Are your parents together?’ they already know. If I could make films and never do interviews or have my photo taken, I’d do it.”
Hey, what a coincidence! If I could get paid without “doing any work” or “bathing regularly” or “fornicating with the cleaning lady”, I’d do that! Well, maybe. But I can see how much more difficult it must be when people are fawning all over you and paying you millions to play dress-up and pretend to be someone else, things usually reserved for tranny beauty-pageants. Or so I hear. Ahem. So anyway, good for you Joaquin!
Lynette Carrington | January 16, 2006 at 10:02 am
Sounds like a sensitive guy who just wants his privacy…….he just happened to pick the wrong business. The wrong business at which he happens to be brilliant.
monet | January 16, 2006 at 10:46 am
i hate when celebrities complain. And complain about the fame that earned them millions on top of that. “i really hate my life, you know?” well then mister, end it.
i like joaquinix. i’d do him.
TeamLacheyRools | January 16, 2006 at 10:52 am
he cant find love cause hes a freakin’ l-o-o-n-e-y- toon
tothemax | January 16, 2006 at 10:54 am
How do you just “happen” to pick show business? Joaquin has been in the business long enough to know that the press hounds celebrities. If he doesn’t like the lack of privacy (I wouldn’t), he can just LEAVE the biz instead of passive aggressively bitching about his life.
tothemax | January 16, 2006 at 10:54 am
How do you just “happen” to pick show business? Joaquin has been in the business long enough to know that the press hounds celebrities. If he doesn’t like the lack of privacy (I wouldn’t), he can just LEAVE the biz instead of passive aggressively bitching about his life.
bollo | January 16, 2006 at 1:18 pm
Lordie he is HAWT.
Queen LaQueefah | January 16, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Don’t mess with my husband. I love him, LOVE HIM I TELL YOU! GRAWWWWWWWWWW!
Queen LaQueefah | January 16, 2006 at 1:38 pm
Still love him
eden | January 16, 2006 at 2:11 pm
He struggles for love b/c (1) we’ve never met and (2) I’m married. It might also be b/c I’m not a cleaning lady. Hadn’t considered that before.
evilcookie007 | January 16, 2006 at 2:51 pm
…let me wipe the drool off the front of my shirt…ok. I’d so do him.
SMF121490 | January 16, 2006 at 4:46 pm
Oh poor baby. It’s hard to be a celeb, huh? (heavy sarcasm)
HollyJ | January 16, 2006 at 4:53 pm
It must be SO embarrassing to have people so desperate to please you that they are willing to lick your anus clean after you have diarreah.
faghag | January 16, 2006 at 4:53 pm
How can the poor guy concetrate on his dates anyway, with all those darned frogs crawling around on his scalp? And since when does brooding intensity/insanity automatically equal talent. Did we learn nothing from Mickey Rourke? Love the lip scar, but not so on board with the adulation. I’ve seen him do some really stinky acting. Although I haven’t seen Walk the Line yet, maybe that will change my opinion…
bigfatmomma | January 16, 2006 at 5:00 pm
so um i wouldn’t ask “so, are your parents together?” as a conversation starter on a first date. Maybe that’s why he can’t find a decent girl, he has no concept of what normal conversation is.
Spindoc | January 16, 2006 at 5:49 pm
Oh Trust me, he WANTS the attention. Go back and watch the movie “Parenthood” with Steve Martin. He played Dianne Weists kid. in the credits he is billed as LEAF Phoenix, and was trying to cash in on his brothers still living coattails. River, LEaf, get it? boy was he clever. So Don’t sit there and bitch about getting what you’ve been trying to get for years. Save your bitching for whatever red-hot crackpipe gave you that scar on your lip.
Jayne | January 16, 2006 at 6:27 pm
#15, the fact that you pulled both his name and his scar’s stories from your ass makes me wonder how much time you have on your hands.
He changed his name because his bro and sister had “earth-like” names, not because he wanted to cash in along side his brother. The last name Phoenix ALONE got him movie deals, so the kid didn’t need to change his first name for that reason.
And that mark on his lip..apparently he was born with it.
HughJorganthethird | January 16, 2006 at 7:00 pm
If J.P. were more in touch with his hip-hop side this article would have been more like “J.p be tripping yo. Says bitches are all up in his bizznaz and all the haters need to back the fuck up yo.”
word
HughJorganthethird | January 16, 2006 at 7:01 pm
Oh yeah and I don’t care what you say Spindoc, but I ain’t ever watching “Parenthood”. Ever.
Jeremy1Esq | January 16, 2006 at 7:05 pm
just like tara reid says she cant find a normal guy to get married and have kids with as that is what she truly wants…whatever…just another celebirty looking to increase their fan base with lies while the bang anything that moves or drinks anything that is liquid.
violence in movies and sex on tv | January 16, 2006 at 8:42 pm
He is hot.
That’s all I have to say.
baltogirl | January 16, 2006 at 10:16 pm
the scar looks like it’s from a cleft lip repair.
Shaun | January 16, 2006 at 10:21 pm
Look at the guy. He knows what he wants. His green eyes say the same thing mine do.
“If you can look past the b.s.I put up with everyday, my younger years, concentrate on me and not my present circumstance, I’m yours.”
Not that I am a celeb but it makes sence.
lomies | January 16, 2006 at 11:01 pm
Who the fuck is Joaquin Phoenix? Maybe he should date me. I dunno shit about him. Or not. He doesn’t look that hot.
Miz Stressa | January 17, 2006 at 1:57 am
If I were on a date with him, I’d ask him if the lip scar was from a cleft palate, and then I’d ask him to say a bunch of tough words to pronounce to test him on it. Then I’d ask him if he was going to finish his fries, and I’d eat them all while he cried like a girl.
He’d like me; I know it.
CheekyChops | January 17, 2006 at 2:45 am
If he wasn’t in show business, he’d be an orderly in a mental institution. And by orderly, I mean in-patient. He is a whole big bowl of retardation. Yep.
Krissy | January 17, 2006 at 3:21 pm
I’d SO hit it.
The scar kinda turns me on too. Yea. :/
Queen LaQueefah | January 19, 2006 at 12:42 pm
Here’s a thought for some commenters: stop trying to write like the editor. “And by stop trying, I mean, stop trying,” get it? Cause it’s bad, and it’s not friggin’ funny, and it’s very obvious. Get your own damn style
mtothehizzle | January 29, 2006 at 1:03 am
I agree with Laqueefah…get your own style and quit making fun of Joaquin. We all know he’s fucking hot so get over yourselves. He isn’t sitting at his house reading your comments so you can just stop saying you’d “do him.” idiots.
HollywoodSnark | December 13, 2006 at 10:42 am
nah, i like him, he’s a cool guy – http://hollywoodsnark.com
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:17 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:17 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:17 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:18 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:18 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:18 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine
josephine | September 10, 2008 at 2:18 am
joaquin phoenix is it.. I would to meet him and take him out for a nice dinner. and went he’s talking I would love just to look at his beautiful face and love to hear his sexy deep voice. Dinner is on me joaquin… call my cell # I will listen to you and we will have a good time. if you drink and hoping you don’t drink too much I will drive you home until sober….. always love you ….. josephine