Joaquin Phoenix not crazy or good at keeping secrets

January 28th, 2009 // 34 Comments

So Joaquin Phoenix might not be one voice inside his head away from crapping on the red carpet at the Oscars. Damn. Turns out his “rap career” could just be an elaborate ruse he cooked up with Casey Affleck, according to Entertainment Weekly:

Either Phoenix is perpetrating an elaborate Andy Kaufman-style hoax (with an assist from his friend and brother-in-law Casey Affleck, who’s ostensibly shooting a documentary about his career transition), or he’s truly lost his marbles. The truth, it seems, is closer to the former. “He said, ‘It’s a put-on. I’m going to pretend to have a meltdown and change careers, and Casey is going to film it,’” says one source who recently worked with Phoenix.

Before everyone says “I told you so,” I should probably point out that was an overheard conversation between Joaquin and a banana. They were married later that night and divorced/turned into a smoothie the next morning when Joaquin realized it was the government trying to steal his toothpaste. Love is a cruel mistress.

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. Fish, I’m surprised you even heard that banana, being as it was likely in his ass.

  2. ghost

    I hope he’s lost his mind. America needs a good celebrity train wreck to take our minds of the economy.

  3. #2 – You’re first at being second, ya douche.

  4. p0nk

    so next time i see a homeless looking dude on the corner yelling “popozaoa”, i won’t be alarmed.

  5. NY Ted

    No…it is not “crazy”…it is being “crazy hooked” on the crack/heroin pipe…!!!

  6. Pathetic Worm

    He’s not crazy, he’s hirsute.

  7. jrz

    HAHAHA #7!!!
    anyway…very disappointd that Joaquin is nothing but a big fat hairy attention whore.

  8. kingofbeer

    superficial got owned

  9. LawnGnome

    It’s Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf when he wears the sunglasses during school…

  10. authorego

    Does he get most of his ideas from old Pee Wee Herman films?

  11. It's Me Fuckers

    So was the whole frog thing a ‘hoax’ as well? I think he’s fuckin flakey.

  12. Alex

    ummm, it saddens me cos I think he is a great actor but I’m not buying this, he’s gone mental and I hope he doesnt end up like his brother, that would be ashame. He is a mess…. I’d still do him though, I have a thing for psychos hahahaha.

  13. Ang

    Most folks arrived at this conclusion as soon as the “Casey Affleck filming…” part was reported. But I don’t know how they make this interesting. If Mad Max Mel Gibson has been doing the whole kill the jews/sugartits thing as part of a secret film, that would have been interesting.

  14. me

    Anyone posting after me sucks on Joaquin Phoenix’s shaggy penis

  15. Tom Cruise

    Promise?

  16. Mal

    haha @ 15,16!

  17. ugh

    Soooooooo who cares…

  18. benjaminbutton55

    wow….
    Is he the guy who’s hooking up with hot tall girls on ====Tallmatching.com=== ” ? actually there’re lots sexy people there, Online chat, blogs, forums, flirtation and messages! Start a romance with hot model girls is just a click away! Whether for heat or passion, you are gonna be surprised what you might be end with!!LOL

  19. The gorgeous one

    Well played, Joaquin, well played. You really had me thinking that you were bat shit crazy!!!

  20. drrdrhefgg

    he is just about mad enough to make up an excuse for him to go totally nuts for another two weeks before he goes completely bananas….how it will end?

    maybe he ll attempt to commit suicide live at the oscars by trying to choke verne troyer? something like that, i m sure!

  21. bitingontinfoil

    yeah, yeah…I tried that same bullshit last time I got fuck-assed (and I MEAN THAT) drunk at an office party and made out with the janitor on top of the pool table.

    I was *FAKIN’ IT*, man! It was all part of my MASTER PLAN to act like a drunken slovenly ho! I was makin’ a fuckin’ DOCUMENNARY MAN! It’s gonna be, like *burp* the sh-*hick*-shit!! Seriously dude….serio….

  22. Toni

    I pretty much guessed this all along… come on ~ he’s a smart guy. If I were famous, it would be fun to f@ck with the media too. If anything he sells a few rap c.d’s to some random idiots and has a few laughs…

  23. THE TRAMP IS HERE ALL RIGHT.
    ………….but where is the lady?

  24. j

    he has a cleft moustache

  25. spinal

    Should’ve kept this one in the bag. It would’ve been mildly funny if he actually had gone insane and decided to be the next white, schizophrenic Jay-Z…but as a vanity ‘art project’ it’s a mountain of lame.

    Bye! Good, Joaquin. You dumbass.

  26. humpinfrog

    How does 15 know his junk’s shaggy?

  27. Phoenix Lover

    Joaquin is the greatest MC of all time. Watch “DEAR JOAQUIN PHOENIX” on YouTube.

    BIGGIE. TUPAC. JAY-Z. NAS. JOAQUIN.

  28. yoyonance

    He is professional. There are lots of his fans on ***wealthymeetup. c om*** club for professional athletes, moive stars and millionaires talking about him recently? BTW, guys, lots of sexy girls and models turn up there. lol

  29. Georgia Prune

    He looks just like Jim Morrison right before he went to Paris & died.

  30. AmberDextrose

    Gerry Rafferty is looking good for his age there.

  31. mamamiasweet

    Good Lord, LOOK at these pictures! Who even CARES what he said, Still reeling over the pictures!!! What the Hell HAPPENED?!

    I know this girl who has him placing very high on her 5 Celebrities I Most Want To Sleep With list! I want to foward her these pictures and say “Be Careful What You Wish For!”

    If this guy dies tomorrow I – for one- will not be in that “Heath Ledger Shock” where I call up friends and family and say “He died? REALLY? Are you shitting me????” I give him about 3 months tops. Pity really.

  32. Cam

    So instead of being an crappy actor, or a crappy rapper, he can be a crappy mockumentary maker. At least he’s consistant.

    also

    #32 You should ask her would you sleep with Whaakkeeeuhm? and when she says “Would I!” you can scream “HARELIP!”

    see,..because he’s hideously freakishly defromed with a harelip…

    (it’s ok I’m taking that word back)

  33. I hope he has lost his mind. America needs a good wreck celebrity taking our spirit of economy.

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