Joaquin Phoenix has lost his shit

January 18th, 2009 // 155 Comments

Joaquin Phoenix made his musical debut Friday night at Vegas night club LAVO, and surprise! He’s a homeless rapper. The Oscar nominee jumped around the stage while performing/smoking for a perplexed crowd who have vowed never to take Ecstacy again. On the sidelines, brother-in-law Casey Affleck filmed the whole thing for a documentary I can only assume will be titled Joaquin Phoenix, Stay the Fuck Away From My Kids.

NOTE: Joaquin “rapping” after the jump along with a clip of him falling off the stage in case anyone thought this was actually a legitimate performance by someone not on heroin.

The Musical Stylings of Joaquin Phoenix:

One of these people is going to die soon. Guess which one.

Photos: Flynet, Splash News

superficial

  1. Death

    FIRST

  2. sheana

    so sad……….. i hope someone who loves him, helps him. and fast.

  3. cutesy

    dear lord

  4. Wow

    Unibomber?

  5. Sabrina

    it’s so sad that I just spent the last fifteen minutes laughing at him.

    I feel like a bitch who kicked a homeless person

    oh well

  6. amanda

    the video wont work
    not that the pics arent priceless…

  7. Kalabria

    Awesome!

  8. Jimmy Jim

    wow he must really have an affinity for jim morrisons final days.

  9. he looks like Jesus cracked out brother

    Poor Whakeen he is fuckin crazy, I always knew he was, but this shit is FULLBLOWN! He is in Britney terroritory and may actually pass her into Wacko Jacko land.

    Note: As you can see I spelled his name Whakeen because I refuse to participate in this assanine “my name is spelled in a way that does not remotely relate to how it is pronouced bullshit”. Why do all fucking hippie loosers give their kids stupid ass names like apple, sky, rain, and shit like that or spell their kids names like this: “Jahumauikplfznqwpdrbya” and then tell you “ya her name is Amanda it’s pronouced A-m-a-n-d-a, the j,h,u,,second u,k,i,p,l,f,z,q,w,d,r,b and y are silent.” With this look of supreme pride on their stupid dirty, hairy, hippy faces like they are so damn proud of their creativity.

    What kind of loosers are so self absorbed and pretencious that they have to express THEIR uniqueness with thier child’s name, a name the kid has for life unless they pull that P-diddy/Prince typw shit. It’s your kid’s name for fucks sake and it WILL affect their lives so try to maybe not be a complete asshole and give your poor bastard, hippy, child a decent fucking name, posssibly try not being high when you pick it, that would help. Thanks a bunch and P.S. Cartman is right about you; hippie’s do suck.

  10. Shep

    Somewhere his brother is watching this from beyond saying “Jesus, take it easy on the drugs bro, you looked like a jack ass”

  11. Sabrina

    Is it just me or is that hole in his jeans close enough to his crotch
    that we are now noticing his lack of penis??

  12. wtf

    its a hebrew name you ape. you’re upset because you can only pronounce words spelled phonetically.

  13. LGWS

    um, that looks like Zach Galifianakis, not wakeen!

  14. P.S.

    I’ve noticed celebrities pick the stupidest possible names for their kids, it must be to cover up the fact that they are uneducated and can’t spell so then when people say “huh that’s an unusual spelling” and make that ‘I think you speeld your kids name wrong dumbass’ they can be all ” Oh (*pretencious laugh*) we meant to spell it that way, it’s unique, we want him/her to know how special him/her is!” Ya it sure fucking is “unique and special”even welfare trash kids with alchy parents living in trailers can spell their kids damn names right.

  15. Sharon H

    This is a mess and a sad one indeed. This guy is one of the best young male actors on the planet. His preformance in Gladiator was amazing and a far more intricate role than that of Russell Crowe. I always thought that Joaquin should have won the oscar that year. Okay, so he doesn’t want to act anymore. Fine! But Christ, cut your hair, shave that mess off your face and leave the rapping to someone else. Most people would do anything to have your acting talent, good looks and wealth. Do some volunteering or something. Holy shit!

  16. dew

    Someone’s actually documenting his awful performances with a camera? I’m guessing even Ashton Kutchner would have turned that down.

  17. babe

    Two things:
    - Agree completely with #15.
    - As for #9, look up “San Joaquin Valley” – a major agricultural area in the state of California, educate yourself.

  18. ooops *blushes*

    #12. Well my bad. I could have likely looked that up. I do not speak Hebrew, anbd am not farmiliar with it. Anyway it was a joke and nothing serious and yes I did mistake it for one of those stupid ass trying to be creative spellings. Hey I am human I admit my mistake. Still many names are spelled in the most retarded manner and are clearly not the spelling from another language. Obviously that occurs constantly and that’s fine one of my names is the swedish spelling, another is the french spelling. You have to admit that many names are the result of some dumbass parents trying to be cool. Anyway sorry if I offended.

  19. friendlyfires

    I hate to give Carrollton TX native now Miami Beach douchebag Robbie Van Winkle any credit BUUUUUTT, didn’t Vanilla Ice already pull this shit in the NINETIES?
    Oh right, Robbie’s drug of choice was lead paint chips disguised as a blunt, how silly of me.
    What’s next transvestism? TOO LATE, Kevin Rowlands beat him to that, too, though Rowlands thought he was a brummie hausfrau/debutante throwing up at the junior prom/hooker reunion; Joachim could try portraying famous First Ladies like Margaret Truman, Pat Nixon and Barbara Bush.

  20. #9

    #17. Not everyone is from the U.S. do you know the names and spellings of all regions around the world? I hiughly doubt it. This is the world wide web, yet everyone seems to assume that we are all American here.

  21. Dr McNasty

    ROFL #9 I laughed more at your comment than at the video. The video is just kind of disturbing.

  22. pup

    #9

    Hey dipshit… not every language has the same phonetics as the English one. His name is spelled exactly how it should be pronounced for that language. Just like you wouldn’t call someone with a Spanish name like juan – ”jooo-ahhhn”.

    You look like a complete tool for clarifying why you refuse to spell a name how it is pronounced and then fail to understand that the name’s origin.

  23. Chris

    I hate to be the one that tells his kids that there’s no Santa Claus but this whole thing is part of a mockumentary comedy that Casey Affleck is directing. The entire premise is actually very funny.

  24. for the love of Mila Kunis calm down

    #22 Pup see #18. I speak 6 languages just not Hebrew. I have appologized so sorry to you too aswell. Fuck for a site called the superficial people are pretty damn sensitive. I was also joking around. Calm the fuck down everyone I appologized. Since he is a D-bag celebrity born to crazy hippies I mistook his name for an assanine we are trying to be cool and different spelling. I made a mistake, it’s pretty fucking human. Lesson learned, I will now go read up on hebrew and learn a little more about it. I doubt any of you are an expert on everything and have never made mistakes yourselves. Not everyone is well versed in Hebrew. I won’t make this mistake again. Now, get the fuck over it.

  25. cold as hell

    seeing him decline to this point just confirms for me that he’s seeking some direction and that drugs are bad. that being said, i’m pretty sure he got that outfit from my high school’s 10th grade production of “to kill a mockinbird”; oh Boo Radley, how ya been buddy?

  26. Julianne

    I like him better this way lmfao.

  27. Mike

    Three more days til Obama gives us our fucking money! That’s what this guy was singing about.

  28. RED

    What the hell is this dude doing? I think he took the role in Walking the Line way to serious!!

  29. Balack Obama

    Wow, nothing special about this guy…

  30. Jimmy Jim

    most people go through this bum phase in college, he’s just a little late, give the guy a break.

  31. Charlie

    looks like he’s being silly and having fun

    you people are taking it way too seriously

  32. ConnieCorleone

    I’m absolutely convinced this is part of some sort of grand experiment.

  33. Racer X

    Oxycotin is a hellava drug!

    /wish I had some :(

  34. samson

    This. Is. Awesome.

    If I was a mildly famous actor, I would love to pull a stunt like this. Grow my beard out, dress like a scumbag, act like I’m on drugs, and rap badly while secretly mocking the losers who pretend to dig my music just because I’m Joaquin Phoenix. And then I would, of course, peruse celebrity blogs and read the comment boards. Sounds like a great gig; he is an actor after all.

  35. Conky

    Heck, I thought his rap was as good as any of the junglebunnies like Kanye who get paid to do that shit professionally.

    And sunglasses at night are not recommended as you tend to fall and trip over stuff, duh.

  36. franko franchetti

    totally agreed #34. This is genius.

  37. suzeee

    dirty & ugly, gross. no amount of money could make me hit that.

  38. Dirk Diggler

    Good for him. If he enjoys it, what can it hurt. I too wish I looked like a homeless guy.

  39. apple

    poor # 9, he sounded way more pretentious than all the shit he wrote, haha.
    as for joaquin yeah he seems to be having fun
    # 37 doubt he would wanna hit you

  40. authorego

    He looks like he spent the night sleeping on a transmission while being attacked by moths. And he won’t sign his motel bill because people can tell things about you from your handwriting.

    I blame his parents for being part of a “religious” cult in South America that encouraged children to start having sex with each other at age 4. A closer look would show that ALL the kids in that family are fucked up. And one of them used to be til he was dead.

  41. I think

    easy on this kid- him and his brother were raised in a cult called The Family…im no expert but they sound wacko as shit and the leader was accused of forcing juveniles to have sex with relatives and other sick stuff…thats why river phoenix killed himself…….not sayin thats why MC J-Phoenix is doin how he do, but it cant fuckin help

  42. Baccus

    Remember when he played Johnny Cash and everyone was like “ooohhh he did all the singing and gutiar for the role he’s so smart and so talented we had to make up a new word smalented to describe his musical stylings.”

    now here we are. Clearly like all actors he became so self absorbed and started beleaving his own hype/started the drugs you know… to help him create. Wakkeen now has his own music that somehow manages to suck more then Scarlett Johansons. HAZZAH he must be so proud.

    The most amazing part is how he’s clearly a drug addict but yet not thin. Must be the wrong drugs. Don’t do pills do coke. Fuck.

  43. Rowan

    I agree that he is one hot mess. He really needs an intervention.

    Oh, and #9 I’m surprised that you had never heard that name before — growing up in S. CA I heard that name a lot…it’s used in spanish speaking countries a lot as well.

  44. Teryn

    i love joaquin..he’s a great actor..yet i fail to understand why he does drugs after he watch his brother die on a sidewalk from an overdose. doesn’t make sense..

  45. lalady

    @ #9 et al….
    His given name was Rain.
    I think he renamed himself Joaquin as a teenager, which, by the way; is a common Latino name here in southern california.

    Get off your attempted elitist name hating and clean your room before mom yells at you.

  46. jonny monstikio

    Joaquin is actually an American Indian name that means: “He who likes heroin and sings like injured bird”

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  48. devilsrain

    1. You Fail on every level….. Plus what is it with people spelling losers as “loosers” WAKE UP YOU MORONS

  49. Johnnie

    Did he cut the top off his hat so he doesn’t trap that frog he keeps in his hair?

  50. M.

    Joaquin is spelled exactly as it is written here in my country, sometimes you just have to learn that things are spelled differently in different countries and sometimes people name their kids with names from different places. Joaquin is a totally common name here…

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