Joaquin Phoenix almost dies

January 27th, 2006 // 22 Comments

*joaquin_phoenix_thumb3.jpgJoaquin Phoenix

superficial

  1. Sheva

    Well now he gets to hear the real God say:

    AM I NOT MERCIFUL.

    Apparently HE is. :)

  2. GothamGuy

    Very true, Sheva.

    But back to Joaquin…”brakes failed?” Come on…we all know it is more likely that his “sobriety failed.”

    On a kind of unrelated note…I think there should have been a scene in “Walk the Line” where Cash downed about 5 hamburgers…get it? Ha! Cause Joaquin is a vegan! I tried.

  3. All that booty in the Hospital room. The nurses will be working overtime just because he is in there. I hope J.P. makes a good recovery. He is a great actor.

  4. she_hate_me

    maybe the large frog jumped out of his hair and cut his brakes. i never trusted that frog…

  5. LoneWolf

    Brakes don’t just “fail” these days. My guess is he was going too fast, if not driving impaired. Regardless, a car crash is a better way to go than doing the horizontal funky chicken on the sidewalk in front of Viper Room while your “friends” laugh at you like his bro did.

    He was pretty good in Clay Pigeons.

  6. Queen LaQueefah

    I just applied to nursing school

  7. hafaball

    I think Heathe Ledger cut his brakes. He really wants that Oscar and he wants it bad. I mean, he had to kiss a guy to get it. Me thinks Phillp Seymour Hoffman, David Strathairn and Russell Crowe are next :)

  8. Inquintessence

    he used to be so hot….now hes just a bit, scary looking :(

  9. Jayne

    thank fucking god he’s ok.

  10. He shouldn’t have let the frog from his hair drive.

    I love me some Joaquin. :)

  11. DEVO

    Celebrities and cars are like an ectoskeleton built of Tinker Toys being beseiged by a sloppy child armed with a bucket of dominoes: Sooner or later, the outward infrastructure will collapse.

    It’s just a matter of time, as expressed by the equation postulated by Lichtenstein’s greatest physicist, Isador Wirtschaftwunder III: (odometer mileage x the car’s year of production) – (square root of the roadway’s numerical designation – how many unchewed sticks of chewing gum were in the glove compartment on the last major bank holiday) / [i.e. divided by] the celebrity’s height in centimeters – how many pieces of pizza were left in the chafing dish backstage at Metallica’s last concert in Kansas City, Kan.

    It’s amazing that Mr. Phoenix went accident-free for this long. Those of my ilk are, however, pleased he escaped unscathed, as Mr. Phoenix is a rare commodity (read: a gifted actor) in today’s entertainment industry.
    =================

    Jonee jumped in his Datsun
    Drove out on the expressway
    Went head-on into a semi
    His guitar’s all that’s left now
    He made her cry
    Now she calls his name
    Jonee, you’re to blame
    Come back, Jonee!

  12. Baroness

    Oh wow, let’s hope he doesn’t get a scar.

    Like above his lips, or something.

  13. mrs.t

    baroness, that’s just mean-spirited. I am so done with this unnecessarliy cruel site full of negative people. where’s your compassion?

    teehee.

  14. leslieann

    he has a really old car…you know like 30 year old car. so it’s really entirely possible there was some mechanical problems. i love joaquin. i think i could die happy if it turned out that he was going to be the sole actor under 40 used for any remotely interesting movie.

  15. M@ce

    He probably got distracted when he finally realized that it was nearly impossible to pronounce his own name…Joe queen? Yo keen? how in the hell IS it pronou(SMASH)

  16. megana

    Oh Wah-Keen. Are you alright? Even if you have been drinking, it doesn’t matter to me none. I’ll get you another, and another, and then a couple more…until you’re so drunk I can strip each cloth from your body and ravish it to bitty chunks.

  17. SMF121490

    I don’t know about anyone else, but this guy creeps me out. He just gives me the heebie jeebies.

  18. Tell me what you have been doing, busy little bee, or I shall strike down those dearest to you. You shall watch as I bathe in their blood.

  19. M@ce

    “Brakes failed” is, of course, a common Hollywood euphemism for, “Washed down 60 Oxycontins with a half-gallon of vodka while attempting to insert a morphine suppository”

    Come to think of it, maybe i’ll just go test the ole “brakes” on my car…

  20. WaitWhat?

    WHY, oh why, couldn’t I have been that passer-by??????????? Dammit to hell.

  21. ESQ

    Thank GOD he is OK, I haven’t fucked him yet.

  22. HA HA HA HA
    #21 is great!!!!!

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