This Is Joaquin Phoenix’s 19-Year-Old Girlfriend

Here’s Allie Teilz the for realz girlfriend of Joaquin Phoenix who’s supposedly 19 or 20, but also has a history of lying about her age to score DJ gigs. I’ll ready the Chris Hansen signal. Via Bullet Media:

When I was younger I used to work production for arena shows in Vegas and Palm Springs, and I did artist relations for pop stars. On Thursdays after school I would go from school to the airport, fly to Vegas, work the shows from 6am Friday until Sunday at 2am, before school. I had a complete double life and lied about my age, obviously, but I was really getting involved in the music world and starting to meet people. It wasn’t a good world for me being as young as I was.

Of course, if you do the math, Joaquin Phoenix is only six years older than me, and Allie is (theoretically) two years younger than Selena Gomez, so I’m not sure if I have a leg to stand on here. Except I do, and it’s this chick looks 12. She’s a fucking 12-year-old. *shines CH symbol into the sky* Make that bastard take that seat, coiffed avenger. Make him take that seat right over there.

Photos: Getty