J-Lo wants a baby, won’t get one

December 13th, 2005 // 31 Comments

tn_j_lo_smokes_cr.jpgSlowly but surely realizing she’s become nothing more than Skeletor’s trophy wife, Jennifer Lopez is feeling like she missed out on a golden opportunity to crap out a kid. With the recent birth of former fiancee Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner’s baby, J-Lo is wondering why husband Marc Anthony won’t give her one of her own.

A friend of the couple says the issue must be especially stressful given that “Jennifer has a strong mothering instinct. Having a baby would mean more to her than winning a Grammy or an Oscar.”

I imagine it would mean more than a Grammy or Oscar, because the likelihood of her winning either is on par with me being the man to impregnate J-Lo with my unholy seed. If she still is Jenny from the block, it might be time to work one of the corners and find baby’s daddy.


  1. BurnZ

    Anthony doesn’t want a baby because he spends all his time taking care of that bitch of a wife he has. Nobody cares about J-Lo anymore.

  2. Captain Awesome

    Hahaha 2 other people who should use their money to become superhero’s

    Whalebarge backside and her sidekick Nutsack face.

  3. hafaball

    It’s so sad. I mean I hate her and all, but she can;t have kids. It’s that simple. Ben Affleck looked at Jennifer Garner and she was pregnant, so there’s really no excuse Lopez isn’t. She should just adopt like Jolie and shut the hell up all ready.

  4. I love K-fed's Corn Rolls

    I hope she does have kids and gets EVEN FATTER.

    Someone should tell her that having kids is not like animals, you can’t skin them when your done and make panites out of them for your “courture” clothing line…

    ISN”T EVERYONE FORGETTING that her husband already has like 3 kids, and they are small… she should at LEAST pretend to like them, or see them, what is up with that? I guess he doesn’t want to have kids with her because he already had kids with Ms. UNIVERSE and the chances of J-Lo off spring being cuter is Slim Jim to Spears.

  5. Georgia

    She needs to just get divorced again. Theres no shame in it. This is America, marriage means nothing here.

  6. nikki

    i really can’t stand J-Lo but as i can appreciate that she is becoming desperate because her biological clock is ticking so loud it’s keeping her up nights. J-Lo’s problem is that she should have never left nice-guy Kris Judd. he would have knocked her up as often as she wanted by now, and would have stuck around even after her ass got as big as a trailer.

    but no, girlfriend got greedy and thought she could rope in a Movie Stah. serves her right for falling for her own big-assed hype. and now she’s stuck with a man who is clearly only using her to advance his own singing and acting career. and i don’t blame him for a second. ha ha ha.

    karma is a bitch i tell ya.

  7. can’t the government just give her britney’s baby? i think that would be best for all parties involved

  8. sadietolstoy

    Maybe she should try artificial insemination. But would it sound callous if I said….I don’t care?

  9. Sheva

    Anyone who markets themselves as JLo and takes it seriously is asking for some seriour karmic retribution.

    Her husband said he’d rather snort heroin again than have a kid with her. The last thing he wants to do is take a chance on replicating her.

  10. Nola

    Jennifer Lopez needs a baby the way I need a nipple in the back of my neck… which is, surprisingly enough, not at all. The sight of her husband alone would send the poor thing into cardiac arrest. Then there’s the whole ‘how to match a baby to your luggage’ dilemma she’d face every day.

    I’m voting no on this one.

  11. PinkRose

    I read somewhere (can’t remember the site) that Marc doesn’t want kids because he already has kids of his own.

    I don’t think JLo is incapable of having kids. I think the reason why she never had them with her other hubby’s had do with her career and wanting to make it big. It was obvious it was like that when she was with Ben.

    But she’s feeling the need to reproduce now. I agree with what one commenter said: she should go back to Kris. They made a cute couple anyway.

  12. Seamus Begonia Smell

    SKELETOR’S TROPHY WIFE! lol! i heart editor

  13. IKillChildren

    J-Ho should NOT be allowed to have a baby. What the hell people? She only kills like 90 chinchilas for one fucking coat. She’s gonna get bored one day and skin that baby because she’ll have made all animals extinct by then. Fucking fat ass ugly bitch.

  14. PKClover

    It’s obvious some of you read into every tabloid story and wait with baited breath to hear from the “close source to the star” and base even more assimptions from there. Fact: You people have no idea what goes on in the personal lives of celebrities, and you never will. Let’s post your picture and tear into your pasts and hear what your own family and friends have to say about YOU. Why do people have to be so hateful? It’s Christmas!

  15. JerseyGirl

    Yeah, J-Lo should have a kid with a guy that left his wife and 3 kids for her! Will her and Britney ever learn these guys are NO GOOD!

    Oh, nevermind…Let the train wreck begin!

  16. sammygirl

    As quoted by PKClover:
    “Why do people have to be so hateful? It’s Christmas!”

    Your quote reminds me of something Eva Longoria said not too long ago:

    “Jesus! It’s Thanksgiving. Be nice. FUCK!”

    This has nothing to do with JLo, but my point is there is no holiday rest for those of us who tease and laugh at the expense of celebrities. Sorry, but true.

  17. oregonriverchic

    Did anyone notice she’s smoking in the picture? Maybe that’s why Skeletor doesn’t want to impregnate her. That or he’s tired of her big jiggly ass.

    Let’s hope they dont divorce. I can’t stand seeing her in the news. Show us more pictures of a fat Britney Spears! HA!

  18. dolphin4711

    I’m not a big fan of J.Lo. to begin with, but I also have to say that I feel a bit sorry for her. Her ex fianc

  19. Susie_Sparkles

    STOP SMOKING! So unattractive…

  20. sammygirl

    Would it be wrong to suggest that she just get off the birth control and “accidently” get pregnant? Oops. What’s the worst Skeletor could do? Divorce her? She’s an old pro at that game. Just take the baby JLo and dump the corspe! I don’t even like JLo but I think Marc Anthony is an even bigger ass. For a supposedly strong and independent woman, I’m amazed she’s taking his crap. So what if he’s got 3 kids already. He’s got a new wife and I think she’s entitled to a kid too.

  21. SpiderMomma

    I love that whole “Married To Skeletor” thing. That sums up Marc Anthony perfectly. He could easily pass for a zombie in that picture.

  22. Realistic

    Having a pregnant belly would balance her ass out. It would draw attention away from her 1 1/2 foot of taint.

  23. sammygirl

    Do you think Marc Anthony yells “By the power of GraySkull!!” right before he reaches orgasm?

  24. derekd

    Jenny from the block! LMAO! Thats just funny, i’m sorry.

  25. HollyJ

    Is she smoking a cigarette there? ..I didn’t know she smoked..

    She’s like the Queen of bad choices. I almost pity her. ALMOST. Not quite.

  26. emazing

    I’ll betcha that people write and say “Is J. Lo SMOKING?” HA HA HA…….like…who cares? If I was married to the Hispanic version of Jiminy Cricket, I’d smoke and drink, and drink and do drugs……but then again……she’s….. J. LO! Uhhhhhhhhhhhh
    She has NOOOO talent, a huge ass, huge thighs, small boobs, a head that looks like it’s been squished in between a giant flat iron, FLAT, like her voice….and she’s so rich! WHY?????? If she procreates, the world will surely end.

  27. HollyJ

    Yeah, but she’s a huge ass, small boob, squished head, flat voice wife of Jiminy Cricket with stinky ashtray breath… “that’s hot”

  28. AllHailRoone

    I don’t know about OTHER parts of the world, but in the USA, J-Lo is far more popular than her fatass hubby. I don’t recall the last time I saw Marc Anthony anywhere on TV or in concert.
    If J-Lo needs a baby…well….I’m not busy New Year’s. :-P

  29. cap077

    JLo is a major anti-smoker. this is a scene from the new movie she is co-starring with jimminy crickets (deja-vu anyone?) yes, affleck left her for a chinfully “beautiful” girl and she married an anorexic, crack head mexican in dire need of concealer (ok …hispanic to be pc)…in revenge??? i don’t get it regardless of her poor choice in men and sometimes clothing I would turn lesbian for her but until that opportunity arises i suggest she gets a divorce and goes back to p diddy where they can co-host his MTV show where he tries to form a band out of no-talent fuck faces.

    btw sorry about the awful spelling!

  30. envirocell

    Are we all missing the big picture here? Dude is obviously still in the closet and wouldn’t hit it if she were someone who was actually attractive. Or interesting. Or nice. So she doesn’t have a baby? All that would be missing is the Britney home course on how to ignore your newborn. The world is better off without the Spawn of Bitchiness Itself…

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