Jennifer Lopez has proven herself to be the ultimate people pleaser by simultaneously quenching her Corpse Groom’s thirst for virgin blood, providing teenage girls with yet another scent to conceal the smell of pot that’s baked into their tank tops, and making amends with Heather Mills McCartney by focusing on killing something other than animals:
The Latin beauty, who has just launched a new fragrance called Live, revealed: “They asked me what smells intrigued me and I told them the smell of a baby’s head was beautiful.”
Bravo, Heather Mills. Bravo. Because of you, the world’s squirrels are safe for another day, and we’re finally addressing the alarming issue of infant overpopulation. And kudos to you, J.Lo. You truly are a modern-day Jonathan Swift.
Juliette | September 28, 2005 at 9:34 am
What is up with this editor? Highly unimpressed with the ‘jokes’….
And J-LO is retarded as usual. baby’s head….EW!
jon | September 28, 2005 at 9:42 am
You what?
Who’s Jonathan Swift? Smart humour make head hurt.
TrickyB | September 28, 2005 at 9:48 am
I know Swift but not sure I get the Swiftian reference. Swift is most famous for writing “Gulliver’s Travels”.
jackkerouac | September 28, 2005 at 10:12 am
This writer truly and completely sucks. Wow, a Jonathan Swift reference – and an unfunny one at that.
Christ this site is getting boring.
TrickyB | September 28, 2005 at 10:16 am
I mean seriously, where’s the Swift connection? Was it a veiled reference to satire in general? I just don’t see it. Seems lame.
Tommy Cruise | September 28, 2005 at 10:29 am
Ya, the only connection I see is that the new editor needs a Swift kick in the ass.
whatever | September 28, 2005 at 10:40 am
I guess you people have never read A Modest Proposal. Maybe this site is too smart for you?
TrickyB | September 28, 2005 at 10:45 am
Um, so that was supposed to be funny or smart comparing J. Lo’s reference of the scent of baby heads to Swift’s ironic proposal of fattening up and selling Ireland’s children to the rich as food? Kind of a stretch, really now.
Ragin_Pope_Angus | September 28, 2005 at 10:47 am
Ok, new editor. You’re in over your head.
Your Starbucks license is nearby suspended.
Ms. Dilligaff | September 28, 2005 at 10:57 am
Eek! I’ve tried to politely ignore the bad writing by not commenting on how bad it is, but this is getting ridiculous. If I wanted to think about Swift I’d go back to high school. I come to this site when I don’t want to think. Give me back my funny trash!
DevastatorX | September 28, 2005 at 11:32 am
Warms my heart that “hey Ho’” can go from pulling trains on the cast of “In Living Color” to making second rate perfumes.
Good show America. Play right into it.
savannahb | September 28, 2005 at 11:33 am
Dear “whatever” – thank you.
Dear “TrickyB” – you seemed to have missed the point of that story, literally.
Dear new editor – I appreciate the Swift humor. I’m sorry if the twits here are bustin’ your balls. Your humor is appreciated. It is mature and thoughtful and for that, I applaud you.
Dear J.Lo – Isn’t perfume supposed to cover up the smell of baby and all the gross things that come with it?
mutterhals | September 28, 2005 at 11:51 am
RE savannahb
Cause everyone loves humor that isnt funny, you silly tit
jon | September 28, 2005 at 11:51 am
ilikeyouthatway.com really doesn’t raise a smile compared to the past superficial. Also, the posts i read in the morning (GMT) seem to be of the historic quality but they seem to get weaker throughout the day.
Just to keep in character – monkey rabit breasts.
Diana | September 28, 2005 at 12:30 pm
Is it me or does this editor have a HORRIBLE sense of humor. Seems like he is a little sick in the head.
Queen LaQueefah | September 28, 2005 at 12:57 pm
Actually, I think J.Lo would make a terrific mother. That baby would have his fragrant head of hair dyed blond and relaxed from the day it sprouted a single dark curl, as well as ride in a horse carriage to school and step out in mini Manolos, with four bodyguards and a personal chef to prepare her veal cutlet at school. Then maybe after the final bell she’ll get picked up in a pink private jet with bubbles coming out of the exhaust. It’s not that J.Lo is an ostentatious and ridiculous bitch, it’s only cause she’s a classy broad, and yes, everyone should smell like baby.
dolphin4711 | September 28, 2005 at 1:02 pm
I wish I could quench her into a bottle and chunk her into the deep, deep, deep ocean……
TrickyB | September 28, 2005 at 1:39 pm
Thank you Queen, finally somebody got it right. Nailed.
ohyeah | September 28, 2005 at 1:50 pm
Why is it that she is the “latin beauty” when she doesn’t even look latin? her husband is butt-ugly, too.
Anna Rexic | September 28, 2005 at 1:52 pm
I don’t know about you guys – but I only come on this site for dumb comparisons to old literary figures.
WAY TO GO NEW EDITOR!
A John Keats reference would just make my day. Even better would be a Kadeem Hardison quoting John Keats from White Men Can’t Jump reference. That would make my head explode.
bigshinybunny | September 28, 2005 at 2:00 pm
I can’t believe you guys never read “A Modest Proposal” in high school. maybe it wasn’t the best jokes, but you people are idiots for not getting it. Go read a book.
airedwin | September 28, 2005 at 2:02 pm
Dear Dumbasses
Shut the fuck up get a life. Reading is for losers.
From
God
neckybliss | September 28, 2005 at 2:30 pm
All Mensa members come here for their humor.
Irisheyes | September 28, 2005 at 2:39 pm
That doesn’t make sense.
miir | September 28, 2005 at 2:44 pm
This site ceased to be funny after Sept 23.
airedwin | September 28, 2005 at 3:09 pm
My mother is an accountant. She’s 55 years old.
You must be a huge loser.
This site isn’t funny but you can’t seem to pull your pathetic self away from it.