J.Lo stuffs baby heads into bottles

September 28th, 2005 // 26 Comments

Lopez_Perfume.jpgJennifer Lopez has proven herself to be the ultimate people pleaser by simultaneously quenching her Corpse Groom’s thirst for virgin blood, providing teenage girls with yet another scent to conceal the smell of pot that’s baked into their tank tops, and making amends with Heather Mills McCartney by focusing on killing something other than animals:

The Latin beauty, who has just launched a new fragrance called Live, revealed: “They asked me what smells intrigued me and I told them the smell of a baby’s head was beautiful.”

Bravo, Heather Mills. Bravo. Because of you, the world’s squirrels are safe for another day, and we’re finally addressing the alarming issue of infant overpopulation. And kudos to you, J.Lo. You truly are a modern-day Jonathan Swift.

superficial

  1. Juliette

    What is up with this editor? Highly unimpressed with the ‘jokes’….

    And J-LO is retarded as usual. baby’s head….EW!

  2. jon

    You what?

    Who’s Jonathan Swift? Smart humour make head hurt.

  3. TrickyB

    I know Swift but not sure I get the Swiftian reference. Swift is most famous for writing “Gulliver’s Travels”.

  4. jackkerouac

    This writer truly and completely sucks. Wow, a Jonathan Swift reference – and an unfunny one at that.

    Christ this site is getting boring.

  5. TrickyB

    I mean seriously, where’s the Swift connection? Was it a veiled reference to satire in general? I just don’t see it. Seems lame.

  6. Tommy Cruise

    Ya, the only connection I see is that the new editor needs a Swift kick in the ass.

  7. whatever

    I guess you people have never read A Modest Proposal. Maybe this site is too smart for you?

  8. TrickyB

    Um, so that was supposed to be funny or smart comparing J. Lo’s reference of the scent of baby heads to Swift’s ironic proposal of fattening up and selling Ireland’s children to the rich as food? Kind of a stretch, really now.

  9. Ragin_Pope_Angus

    Ok, new editor. You’re in over your head.

    Your Starbucks license is nearby suspended.

  10. Ms. Dilligaff

    Eek! I’ve tried to politely ignore the bad writing by not commenting on how bad it is, but this is getting ridiculous. If I wanted to think about Swift I’d go back to high school. I come to this site when I don’t want to think. Give me back my funny trash!

  11. DevastatorX

    Warms my heart that “hey Ho’” can go from pulling trains on the cast of “In Living Color” to making second rate perfumes.
    Good show America. Play right into it.

  12. savannahb

    Dear “whatever” – thank you.
    Dear “TrickyB” – you seemed to have missed the point of that story, literally.

    Dear new editor – I appreciate the Swift humor. I’m sorry if the twits here are bustin’ your balls. Your humor is appreciated. It is mature and thoughtful and for that, I applaud you.

    Dear J.Lo – Isn’t perfume supposed to cover up the smell of baby and all the gross things that come with it?

  13. mutterhals

    RE savannahb

    Cause everyone loves humor that isnt funny, you silly tit

  14. jon

    ilikeyouthatway.com really doesn’t raise a smile compared to the past superficial. Also, the posts i read in the morning (GMT) seem to be of the historic quality but they seem to get weaker throughout the day.

    Just to keep in character – monkey rabit breasts.

  15. Diana

    Is it me or does this editor have a HORRIBLE sense of humor. Seems like he is a little sick in the head.

  16. Queen LaQueefah

    Actually, I think J.Lo would make a terrific mother. That baby would have his fragrant head of hair dyed blond and relaxed from the day it sprouted a single dark curl, as well as ride in a horse carriage to school and step out in mini Manolos, with four bodyguards and a personal chef to prepare her veal cutlet at school. Then maybe after the final bell she’ll get picked up in a pink private jet with bubbles coming out of the exhaust. It’s not that J.Lo is an ostentatious and ridiculous bitch, it’s only cause she’s a classy broad, and yes, everyone should smell like baby.

  17. dolphin4711

    I wish I could quench her into a bottle and chunk her into the deep, deep, deep ocean……

  18. TrickyB

    Thank you Queen, finally somebody got it right. Nailed.

  19. ohyeah

    Why is it that she is the “latin beauty” when she doesn’t even look latin? her husband is butt-ugly, too.

  20. Anna Rexic

    I don’t know about you guys – but I only come on this site for dumb comparisons to old literary figures.

    WAY TO GO NEW EDITOR!

    A John Keats reference would just make my day. Even better would be a Kadeem Hardison quoting John Keats from White Men Can’t Jump reference. That would make my head explode.

  21. bigshinybunny

    I can’t believe you guys never read “A Modest Proposal” in high school. maybe it wasn’t the best jokes, but you people are idiots for not getting it. Go read a book.

  22. airedwin

    Dear Dumbasses

    Shut the fuck up get a life. Reading is for losers.

    From
    God

  23. neckybliss

    All Mensa members come here for their humor.

  24. Irisheyes

    That doesn’t make sense.

  25. miir

    This site ceased to be funny after Sept 23.

  26. airedwin

    My mother is an accountant. She’s 55 years old.
    You must be a huge loser.

    This site isn’t funny but you can’t seem to pull your pathetic self away from it.

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