Jimmy Fallon to replace Conan O’Brien

I’m a tad perturbed right now. Mostly because for a couple years now I managed to forget that Jimmy Fallon even existed. Today I was smacked in the face with the fact that, not only does his unfunny ass still walk among us, but he’ll be taking over for Conan O’Brien on NBC’s Late Night, according to the AP:

A former regular on “Saturday Night Live,” Fallon, 33, would take over sometime next year as host of the 12:30 a.m. talk show. O’Brien is to replace Jay Leno on NBC’s “Tonight” show, aired at 11:30 p.m. each weeknight….. As long ago as last summer, NBC late-night boss Rick Ludwin was quoted as saying that Fallon “is at the top of our short list.”

Expect violence in America to go up next year. Instead of people asking “Hey, did you see Conan last night?” they’ll now ask “Hey, did you see Jimmy Fallon last night?” Which will of course be answered by a well-deserved toss out our 20th story office window. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Bill. It’s not a crime if I warn you a year in advance. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go rob that bank that I warned back in ’05. Free money, here I come!

UPDATE: So, I’m in jail now. Which isn’t that bad, actually. I just paid Wesley Snipes a pack of smokes to say “Always bet on black.” And, for two packs, he’ll karate kick me in the chest! Shit, had I known prison was this much fun, I would’ve gotten in years ago. Oh, wow, a knife fight! Whee!

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