Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville Musical Coming to Broadway? Stop.

Jimmy Buffet is DAD music. Not because it’s predominantly consumed by middle-aged men who need a break from the Higgins account and their crumbling marriage, but because all of the chords are usually D-A-D (or G-C-G or any variant of the I-IV-I chord structure). I’m sure Jimmy has sat behind laid down on the ground with his guitar at some point in his life and been like, “I wish there was an ‘R’ chord so that my chords could spell out B-E-E-R”. That’s how lazy his music sounds to me.

This week in San Diego, celebrities like Anjelica Huston, Taylor Lautner, and David Foster attended the premiere of Escape to Margaritaville, a Buffet-inspired musical about having a midlife crisis and moving to a beach to be homeless or something…

*puts gun up to temple and exhales*

“No, Randy… not today. Who will feed the dog.”

I’m sure it was fantastic! Unfortunately, that’s all the information I have on the premiere because no one seems to be talking about whether or not it was utter shit so I imagine everyone was blackout drunk by intermission from drinking Gatorade and tequila out of fishbowls and sneaking one-hitters of that “kind bud” that was stolen out of somebody’s kid’s sock drawer.

The hawaiian shirt shit show will be hitting the road for the next year before taking a Broadway bow next spring. Sure, I know there have been worse ideas for musicals (Spiderman ran 1066 performances), but holy christ I can’t wait to hear about how many people show up late to the Broadway show after waiting 30 minutes too long for their “Donkey Fries” at nearby Guy Fieri’s “Donkey Kitchen”.

Anyway, here’s a video of a guy on YouTube that came home from a stressful grind at Tech Enterprises Corp, cracked a couple Bud Lite Limes and felt like cuttin’ loose. The beach is a state of mind after all!

Just don’t sing too loud, Frank- the townhouse you just started renting after Karen kicked you out has paper-thin walls!