Jim Carrey Responds To FOX News Criticism Of ‘Cold Dead Hand,’ Probably Shouldn’t Have

April 1st, 2013 // 73 Comments
Jim Carrey Cold Dead Hand
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Last week Jim Carrey released a Funny or Die video for “Cold Dead Hand” which basically attacked gun nuts and their tiny penises along with Charlton Heston for setting the standard that the NRA should be as tone-deaf as possible in light of school shootings. That said, it really wasn’t that incendiary and mostly just preached to the choir, but it was “librul Hollywood” using its Jew powers to steal hard-workin’ white ‘Murcans’s guns, so naturally FOX News spent an entire week criticizing it. Which is fine because that’s just preaching to its own choir and neither side was really moving the needle in any direction. Something Jim Carrey probably should’ve recognized but instead fired off a response to FOX News because 65-year-old Republicans would’ve totally been swayed by his silly song if Greg Gutfield didn’t attack it. He also uses the term “Fux News” which is right when he should’ve gone, “I’m going to do anything but this.”

Via Little Green Footballs:

Since I released my “Cold Dead Hand” video on Funny or Die this week, I have watched Fux News rant, rave, bare its fangs and viciously slander me because of my stand against large magazines and assault rifles. I would take them to task legally if I felt they were worth my time or that anyone with a brain in their head could actually fall for such irresponsible buffoonery. That would gain them far too much attention which is all they really care about.
I’ll just say this: in my opinion Fux News is a last resort for kinda-sorta-almost-journalists whose options have been severely limited by their extreme and intolerant views; a media colostomy bag that has begun to burst at the seams and should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue.
I sincerely believe that in time, good people will lose patience with the petty and poisonous behavior of these bullies and Fux News will be remembered as nothing more than a giant culture fart that no amount of Garlique could cure.
I wish them all the luck that accompanies such malevolence.

If someone is still watching FOX News in 2013, after two presidential elections made almost all of its analysis blow up in their faces, there’s really no point in reasoning with them or pointing out the horseshit they’re being spoonfed. They like it, and it’s their right as an American to be dumb as fuck. So instead of wasting your time coming up with clever names like “Fux News” and calling it a poop-bag, the best approach is to ignore it completely and play to the moderates who can be swayed using reality which is always the most effective tool against gun fetishists. Reality like Dana Loesch falling ass-backward into her own logic trap and proving the pro-guns with absolutely zero limitations crowd has no legitimate argument and is literally just saying anything to tie up genuine reform with bullshit debate, or even better this “good guy with a gun” getting his gun stolen by “bad guys” who now have a gun. Then again, the fact that the thieves didn’t recognize this man’s gun-given authority as an absolute deterrent of all things evil proves Obama did it, so my bad. Bad example.


  1. Dick Hell

    His only inaccuracy is in supposing there won’t always be enough ignorant assholes in this country yearning for mind-ray affirmation to sustain FN.

  2. He’s Canadian. What do they know?!

  3. GJerk

    Fart News, we’re always full of shit.

  4. Actually Dana Loesch is on CNN, not Fox.

  5. I find it funny Fox News claims to be news (of the supposed “fair and balanced” variety) but when attacked for their views their personalities will simply say they are entertainers that aren’t to be taken seriously so which is it? Is Fox News simply the right wing version of “America’s finest news source”, The Onion and doesn’t seriously claim to be actual news. So is their “fair and balanced slogan not meant to be taken anymore seriously than The Onions’s “America’s finest news source”

    • They all suck and thats why my news source is The Superficial.

      Fair, balanced and teat.

    • Mike Walker

      >>when attacked for their views their personalities will simply say they are entertainers that aren’t to be taken seriously

    • Mike Walker

      >when attacked for their views their personalities will simply say
      > they are entertainers that aren’t to be taken seriously

      John Stewart plays the same card.

      • Jon Stewart is a comedian that has a satirical news show. He was never meant to be taken seriously. Funny this is, he’s more credible than anybody on Fox News.

      • even funnier: A recent poll reveals that americans consider Bill O’Reilly as the most trusted major news network anchor in tv.
        Considering Dan Rather got caught flat out making shit up, and 20/20 got caught rigging pickup trucks to explode on impact using hidden explosive for their ‘expose’, it’s no wonder people don’t trust abc/nbc/cbs anymore. They’re all full of crap. people just pick the flavor of crap that they like best. I read everything I can, from every source I can find, then I mangle it all up into the conspiracy theory I like.

      • I read an interview with Dan Rather a few weeks ago. The sad bastard still won’t let it go and still refuses to accept any responsibility for lying about shit that ended his career.

        He also claims he never learned what the frequency is, which might be true.

      • His attitude on that mess is exactly the same as Nixon’s attitude about watergate – ‘if the president does it, that means it’s not illegal’. Dan Rather thought he was so important to network news, he was entitled to spout off any nonsense he wanted to, and we were all obligated to accept it as truth.
        That ‘what’s the frequency’ thing is so incredibly bizarre & f’d up, I’d really like to know wtf the guy that beat Dan Rather up meant by that. Probably just pure craziness.

      • As Jon Stewart once pointed out to Tucker Carlson, “the show that leads into mine is puppets making prank phone calls.”

      • All major news networks suck, the problem is that people treat these news stations like they are bringing the word of God to the people.

        As for Mr. O’Reilly being the most trusted news anchor, most people have an IQ equivalent to a baked potato, so this does not surprise me.

    • Burt

      Doesn’t Fox News just do talk shows and political commentary/propaganda? What the news in that?

  6. Jimmy

    Carey’s career hasn’t been going as well as it used to, and he saw an opportunity to get some attention. Now Fox is giving him more chances at attention. I guess he’s getting what he wanted.

  7. Didn’t we all have fair warning that Jim Carrey lost his marbles when he started cyber stalking Emma Stone, in the creepiest, weirdest way possible? He should really just stfu, before they pull the plug on ‘Dumb & Dumber 2′, and he’s left with no work outside posting idiotic tweets and videos.

    • You do realize it was a joke (mostly maybe a little bit) The guy has always been doing zany stuff like that. He once appeared at the VH1 fashion awards years ago dressed in nothing but a fig leaf. He once threw a chair when he won an MTV movie award and this was back in the 90′s.

    • No work he’s appearing in to major movies this year alone Kick ass 2 and The incredible Burt Wonderstone with Steve Carrel. I wouldn’t say he’s on the top of his career but he definitely isn’t struggling for rolls like someone who’s last name rhymes with Rohan.

      • He’s lost his mind, in a bad, not funny way. His movies do not rake in the $$ like they used to, not by a long shot. He’s still getting work based on what he’s done in the past, and that ride will end soon enough. Andy Kaufman was a funny guy that did weird shit too – then his career fell off cliff, he died, and that was the end of him. My guess is Carrey has always been mental, and getting old and watching his mental capacity, marriage and career spiral into the shitter is something he’s not handling well. He’s got plenty of cash banked, I don’t dislike him, but putting his insanity in the store window isn’t a good career move for him.

      • Burt Wonderstone tanked.

  8. Mike

    Speaking of fair and balanced: I do not listen to left-winged celebrities or FOX News….it doesn’t get anymore balanced then that!!!

  9. Norm S. Boner

    I agree with all your points 110% Fish, but for fuck’s sake, learn to use punctuation or proof read your posts! Don’t be like the fucking hillbillies….

  10. No-ones mentioned this so I will. Fox News is registered as an Entertainment channel, NOT news. That means they can do whatever shit they like and like @Brian Rommel said they can’t be called on it.

    I really wonder if Americans really realise how the rest of the world sees them.

    • That was a loophole they’ve learned to exploit while also hiding it from their audience. They present themselves as a legitimate news organization, when they’re about as credible as the Onion News Network.

    • I wonder if Americans give a shit how the rest of the world sees them.

      I’m not so much god and country, jingo-jango team america motherfucker, but still… y’all foreigners can fuck off.

      • Ripley's Believe It Or Not

        The rest of the world that has an ounce of intelligence loves America’s arrogance. When nut case countries like Nth Korea aim their Nuclear Weapons at someome because their own regimes in charge have gone bonkers, the country those nutcases choose to aim them at is… the most obviously arrogant foreign nation (to them) on the block: America.

        America, having nutcase countries world wide point their nuclear weapons not in the direction of any other foreign nations (‘cept israel, which is really the 51st US State – or is that the 1st?) since forever. For that, us other dirty foreginers thank you.

  11. JC

    Watching Jim Carrery and Fox News go at it is like watching two special needs kids fistfight. No one wins.

  12. WhaWha

    Carrey wants the publicity just as much as fox. I never heard of Gutfield until he delivered that screeching diatribe on Carrey’s satire, and I don’t even watch fox news. Perhaps Carrey sees a chance for a little free publicity as well? With that being stated, Carrey may be a hit and (mostly) miss spastic physical comic, but Gutfield sounded like nothing more than a spoiled brat, throwing a tantrum over his dropped ice cream cone.

  13. Bane

    He still thinks he’s Any Kaufman, who wasn’t funny either, by provoking people with a sensitive subject.

    He had promise at one time….

  14. Jim Carrey at his best. That is some funny shit, and he got Charlton Heston (and Sam Elliott) right on!

  15. Three Gun Sally

    Sure he doesn’t need a gun in LA because he can afford bodyguards to go everywhere with him. For us gals we either need to have a very, very large dog with us at all times or a gun. There are too many weirdos in the world, and the police never show up when you call them. Happiness is a warm gun!

  16. dmatt

    Anyone who thinks ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN or CNBC are legitimate news channels is really stretching their immagination. Carrey never has been funny! The sad thing is that so many “Americans” are now so willing to give up their constitutional rights. Just keep drinking the Obama cool aid folks and see what happens.

  17. John on the Spot

    Just remember to go watch Jim Carey and kids use guns to shoot up people in the soon to be released movie “Kick Ass 2′ Way to keep proliferating violence in movies, tv and games.

  18. honesty

    Carrey should go back to school and earn his high school diploma. His lack of education shows. He is classless.His humor, if you can call it that, is slapstick. Only morons would like his style.

  19. Mitch

    We obviously need more gun control because it certainly works everywhere it has been implemented.


    And it’s painfully obvious to all that when a law is passed, criminals go out of their way to follow it to the nth degree.

    • Just so you know, the three countries you picked have a per captia rate of death from guns that is 1/4th to 1/10th of the United States. You may not want to use them to make your point in the future.

      • Mitch

        I see you conveniently responded with “death from guns” and not overall rate of violence and murder.

        BTW, motor vehicles, tobacco and alcohol kill far more people in the USA than guns. Every year. By using the logic of the knee-jerk reaction crowd, they ought to be banned immediately, and permanently.

      • You don’t understand how critical it is for us to make ‘assault weapons’ illegal – do you know how many gun deaths could be avoided if we take legally owned assault weapons away from the people who own them legally? Based on statistics from the past 5 years, legally owned assault weapons were used by their owners to commit zero murders in 5 years. Zero. But yeah, let’s all get hysterical and demand yet another law aimed at people who are not responsible one whit for the epidemic of gun violence.
        How about this instead – (a) stop making the drug trade so damned lucrative that ghetto dwellers with few if any other options pursue drug dealing to make a living and (b) focus laws on ILLEGALLY owned guns which account for the vast majority of gun violence.

      • Lindsay Lohan Nicotine Lungs

        More children are killed and injured in bathtubs accidents than gun accidents ban bathtubs.

        Also burglary rate in the UK is five times higher than the U.S. Go to youtube and check out the people of London after the riots, they said don’t let this happen in America, armed thugs were breaking into homes, all we had was clubs—the police were nowhere.

      • Mitch

        Knife violence is out of control in the UK as well.

        Claiming that violence would be a thing of the past if guns were eliminated is absurd. Thugs would go around bashing people brains in or carving them up with the nearest sharp object.

        Guns are not the problem. Mental illness and overly prescribed psychotropic drugs are to blame.

  20. Jeff in St Louis

    Yeah it was so edgey the way Carey took on a guy who has been dead for a decade. This whole thing was an attempt to try and make himself relevant again. Hey Jim, guess what? You didnt get an Oscar for playing Andy. SUCK IT.

  21. I bought a gun to celebrate this.

  22. Ripley's Believe It Or Not

    Fux News? Has Jim never seen/heard of the Faux News variation? It’s so superior to Fux News in all regards that the only explanation he didn’t use it was because his own ego wasn’t responsible for its inception.

  23. Jim Carey was (is?!!!) against vaccinations, and used his fame to influence mothers not to have their children vaccinated against common diseases that most of US have never contracted. Thanks Jim for your keen advise!

  24. dublat

    Yes liberals, taking guns from the 99% who abide by laws is the best knee jerk answer ever to battle against the 1% who would be the shootingest fucktards.

    Thank goodness liberals are around or careless obviousness would be so uncommon…

  25. MPT

    MSNBC gives horseshit to its audience as well

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