EXCLUSIVE: Tony Romo disses Jessica Simpson’s bedroom skills

May 13th, 2008 // 108 Comments

Tony Romo went buck wild this weekend in Chicago and reports are coming in that he decided to get plastered and break up with Jessica Simpson – without telling her. These Boots are Made For Stalking broke the story after one of Tony’s friends informed them the Dallas quarterback was all over the ladies. The Superficial received an e-mail from an anonymous source that jives with Tony’s buddies’ tales and offers some more dirt on his night out. Here’s the exclusive details:

Tony Romo was in town, and he was bar hopping with some buddies of his from Chicago. He had the nerve to put Jessica on speakerphone and talk about their sex life with all his guys listening and laughing at her. Not only is this girl dumb, but she is completely self conscious about her bedroom skills. After a few too many drinks, he told everyone he and Jessica are over. They are taking a “break.” He could never see himself being serious and marrying this girl. He’s just having fun with her. It’s funny everyone is talking about them getting married when they are completely over. Sorry Jessica, Tony had his fun with you, and now is on to bigger and better things.

Not to be content with just one exclusive, here’s my exclusive letter to Jessica Simpson where I try to touch her exclusive boobs:

Dear Sweet Jessica,

I, too, suck in the sack. I mean, I’m freaking terrible. I’ve got references if you need them, so call me up and we’ll get down with some mediocre rebounding.
My number is 1-800-I-SWEAR-THIS-NEVER-HAPPENED-BEFORE.
Oh, and also, I’m really good at not making eye contact during conversations, so we’re practically a match made in heaven!

Your Knight in Sort of Shiny Armor But Really Just His Boxers,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. FCS

    poor Jess, I heard her dentist just dissed her flossing skills as well.

    when it rains it pours.

  2. Do_Freebird

    Hey #11 don’t listen to # 15, he don’t know shit.

    In fact, the only thing better than an ugly, fat, psychotic chick is an ugly, ANOREXIC, psychotic chick with NO ARMS OR LEGS!!!

    Dated one back in the late ’60s. She used to latch onto Mr. Johnson like an Lamprey eel, then I’d put on a pair of elephant bells and just walk around town with her toungeing away like crazy. I guess mainly because she WAS crazy!

    Good times man, good times indeed

  3. UNCLE NED

    So, she’s a cutie who has insecurity issues – but which woman doesn’t?

    Hey, Romo, grow up and realize that handling the emotional part of a woman is HALF the work. Making her feel secure in bed is YOUR job, ya dumb Cowboy.

  4. Harry

    The second you date a jock, you’re immediately inducted into the Dumb Bitch Hall of Fame. When you date an overrated jock who can’t win a single playoff game, well, then, you get what you deserve.

    Why do I get a feeling Tony Homo is going to have his worst season yet?

  5. j-sin

    Well she IS from Texas y’know.

  6. Ed

    Way to go Romo… fuck them and leave them….what stupid bitch is next? Paris Hilton…

  7. Ed

    Way to go Romo… fuck them and leave them….what stupid bitch is next? Paris Hilton…

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