EXCLUSIVE: Tony Romo disses Jessica Simpson’s bedroom skills

May 13th, 2008 // 108 Comments

Tony Romo went buck wild this weekend in Chicago and reports are coming in that he decided to get plastered and break up with Jessica Simpson – without telling her. These Boots are Made For Stalking broke the story after one of Tony’s friends informed them the Dallas quarterback was all over the ladies. The Superficial received an e-mail from an anonymous source that jives with Tony’s buddies’ tales and offers some more dirt on his night out. Here’s the exclusive details:

Tony Romo was in town, and he was bar hopping with some buddies of his from Chicago. He had the nerve to put Jessica on speakerphone and talk about their sex life with all his guys listening and laughing at her. Not only is this girl dumb, but she is completely self conscious about her bedroom skills. After a few too many drinks, he told everyone he and Jessica are over. They are taking a “break.” He could never see himself being serious and marrying this girl. He’s just having fun with her. It’s funny everyone is talking about them getting married when they are completely over. Sorry Jessica, Tony had his fun with you, and now is on to bigger and better things.

Not to be content with just one exclusive, here’s my exclusive letter to Jessica Simpson where I try to touch her exclusive boobs:

Dear Sweet Jessica,

I, too, suck in the sack. I mean, I’m freaking terrible. I’ve got references if you need them, so call me up and we’ll get down with some mediocre rebounding.
My number is 1-800-I-SWEAR-THIS-NEVER-HAPPENED-BEFORE.
Oh, and also, I’m really good at not making eye contact during conversations, so we’re practically a match made in heaven!

Your Knight in Sort of Shiny Armor But Really Just His Boxers,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. michy

    @11. Chauncey Gardner
    have you ever had sex?loser!!!

  2. Anexio

    No more YokoRomo.

    Sniff, sniff.

  3. Ted from LA

    As for poor dumb Jessica, it looks like it takes every once of her intellect and energy to negotiate walking down a set of stairs (see photos above). No wonder she has nothing left for the rack.

  4. That’s a shame. There’s room in my bed.

  5. BunnyButt

    “He’s just having fun with her.” In this case, fun = sex. Bad lay = no fun. Seems he stuck around a bit long for someone who wasn’t having fun.

    If she’s self-conscious about her skills, she’s probably interested in improving them. If he’s complaining about her lack of skills, he clearly has done nothing to help her improve them, which indicates not such a great lay himself.

    Tony, you get what you give.

  6. PimpMammaM

    I looooove Pantera!!!!!!! Thanks #44

  7. Meh… she only has one thing, scratch that… she only has TWO things going for her anyway…

  8. Auntie Kryst

    Where the hell is Coach to comment on this story?? Lombardi get your face out of the fusilli and say something.

  9. bonner

    romo’s homo. trust me.

  10. d

    YES tony your the fuckin man. probably a leykis 101 listener…dumb that bitch

  11. Mike

    Jessica had the right idea in the first place. No sex before marriage. There are many deceivers who will tell you otherwise, to let go and chase that orgasm, but the end result is always the same — I refer you to the Bai Ling post.

  12. Matt

    If you add 60 + 61, you get some insight:

    “romo’s homo. trust me.”

    plus

    “…probably a leykis 101 listener…”

    The latter does, in fact, follow from the former.

  13. Dr. Wisecracker

    #39, tell your friend to switch up her anti-depressants. Those can totally kill the climax. If she is on the wrong stuff, it is no wonder she never hits orgasm. Those things kill good sex.

  14. tracy

    she looks pregnant

  15. PunkA

    #65, that’s cuz Romo tried to snaek the pigskin across the goal line, but fumbled again. It got stuk in her dress instead.

    Romo sucks

  16. Linda

    #64

    Anti-depressants can prevent a man from getting an erection but for women I would think anti-depressants would make them relaxed and ready for action and orgasms.

  17. Kim Lard-ass-ian

    What he did was really lousy – what a disgusting piece of shit to do that to any one whether you wanna break up with them or not.

  18. janex

    @50

    Oh Ted *sighs* , what can’t you fix………

  19. Veroonica

    27? I would have to say Tom Brady has him beat in the overrated dept. However, he is a close second. I don’t care what kind of dumb skand Jessica is, doing shit like that to somebody you banged is just lower than douche water. Can’t wait ’til you choke in the play-offs again next season, Tony!

  20. justifiable

    #67 You’d be wrong, then. SSRI’s aren’t like a martini or three. They decrease testosterone level, which both sexes need. And if said woman is also on certain oral contraceptives, that can suppress all sex hormone production (testosterone, estrogens and progesterone).

  21. Kip

    You mean “jibes” not “jives.”

    jives means either dancing or lying.

    jibes means supporting; dovetailing.

  22. Anonymous

    #70: I despise Tom Brady, but he is a better QB than Romo. Romo can’t get it done when it counts the most. But I’m still laughing about how the Giants D-line handed Brady his ass in the Super Bowl. I don’t think he’ll be so cocky next season.

  23. Mal Gusto

    Was there ever any question that she is a lousy lay? Just watching her walk, (then hearing her speak) I can tell she is a total bore in bed.
    Unfortunately, too many women are.

  24. Ray

    Remember how she HATED football when she and Nick were married lol! Jessica’s relationships with Tony and John Mayer only lasted 6 months lol! And then the novelty wears off and they dump her.

  25. cavy

    I can’t believe I feel this bad for someone so beautiful, but I do…

  26. Dear Ted

    hey sexy, I’ll come over and you can “fix” me baby!
    Romo is obviously a low life. What goes on between a man and a woman in a relationship is noone’s business. He has no heart except for himself and that does not count for anything.
    He is cruel in a childish way and he is not that young either. Hard to believe he would do something like that. Poor Jessica offers the world nothing now but laughs. She is now nothing more than a meaningless celebrity.
    I thought she was a christian? I don’t know and don’t really care.

    Back to Ted. I am a burly hairy man dude. No woman is interested in your anal sex fetish other than a broad shouldered tranny like me.
    Just keepin’ it real sweet thang. Smoochys

  27. Jrz

    Ray, you seem to have a very bad nervous twitch….you end your statements with LOL……..is that some form of douchebag-induced Tourettes?

  28. Ray

    #78

    I am a happy guy and you seem to be a miserable person LOL! LOL! LOL!

  29. Joco

    Send her my way and I’ll show her a few moves she can try on me.

  30. Jaffo

    If this actually happened, having the hubris to pull a stunt like that assures Tony Romo that karma will make damn sure he never wins even one single solitary play-off game. Also that he will marry Amy Winehouse some day. And then his junk will fall off. From shame. And, you know, the diseases and so forth…

  31. Alexxx

    HAHA
    I totally saw this coming after I read that article in Glamour about Jessica being “in love”. It’s all déja vu, really.
    P.S. Yes I read Glamour. Stfu pls.

  32. ....

    she does look quite insecure in everything she does, so no surprise there..dumb skanks like Jess get used and abused day after day..poor things.

  33. lambman

    um is this story just completely made up? because I just saw an interview with him on TV and it didn’t seem like they were broken up

  34. my comment

    He’s a jerk.

    Jessica Simpson, she’s still a person.

  35. your mother

    lmfao Rambo balls on another bitch

  36. boo

    Typical Dallas Cowboys player.

  37. Sasha

    I can’t believe that instead of pointing out what an asshole Mr. Romo is all these people are encouraging him. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I feel really bad for Jessica.

  38. Abi

    What Jessica needs to do is take a cue from her sister: get some plastic surgery (on that bird nose), screw a dude who wears eyeliner, and “accidentally” get knocked up with his spawn. That way, she’ll never be alone again. :)

  39. liz

    So much for Romo’s tired “aw shucks” routine. What a pig.

  40. Elk

    5. English Bob
    “I always thought she’d be shit in the sack, that’s exactly why Nick left.”

    As far as I know she left him. Or in other words she dug the hole she’s in now.

  41. hi

    if she sucks penis and swallows, she’s good enough in the sack for me.

  42. I got a good sack for you

    She isn’t good in the sack? What does that mean? What kind of deviance drives you freaks here? What is it lacking in a psyche or what dementia of sorts denies a person to require elaborate ritual in order to expell semen from their testicles? I am serious. I am not a Jessica fan and don’t really care less if she simply goes away as there are millions of lovely women to replace here everywhere. She is beautiful though with a great body. What does this little closet wack need then for her to do? She won’t let him sodomize her (is this first stage bisexuality by the way?), spanking for either (what does this mean) bondage, pissing shitting beating fish hooks in the anus, poop play, what?

    Perhaps like me ( hey if nothing I am honest) foreplay is elaborate. This is what gets me off:

    When I can find a partner and believe me with my face and body…anyway (not to mention personality and level of poverty and various weeping sores …OK onward (downward)…I have a playroom. I proudly own an extensive collection of what I call family dolls. Each one represents someone significant in my past. I sometimes invite extraneous characters (homeless drunks) to man and woman some of the dolls. My sex partner controls my prospective girlfriend doll.

    I like to act out and resolve problems that confronted me while I was young (an age ago) and that have haunted my waking life driving me to tears, rage and deep depression. The plays can sometime go on for hours and I have over 20 lengthy scripts that my proud (usually drugged and inebriated) cast helps me act out. Most of the time I end up crying hysterically as I experience extreme catharsis at a critical juncture of the psychodrama. Every time.

    Having actual physical sex is seldom required. Actually counterproductive as my hatred towards women (even though I am aroused in a non-erectile manner) usually ends up with me throwing everyone out of my campsite I mean my lovely home.

    I wonder if Tony and you other people go experience this or am all alone in this world. If not drop me a line and we can hook up like a catfish and a worm.

  43. Jenny Bell

    #13: Are you available? HeeHee Love your post!!

  44. Jenny Bell

    #13: Are you available? HeeHee Love your post!!

  45. Mistik

    I kind of feel sorry for her tho..

  46. BS

    Does this not sound like BS to anyone else? The Superficial receives an anonymous email? Who the fuck would write this site with any exclusive information. ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT.

    Do the retards who believe this call the National Enquirer “the newspaper”?

  47. MySay

    This says more about Tony Romo than Jessica. To sit there and set someone up, that he is acting like a boyfriend to, and then sit there and make fun of her to his friends? So high school. He just went 10 notches down in my book.

  48. First of all I don’t know why everyone is so hard on the girl, she seems like shes a lot nicer individual than most of them out there. Secondly I am happy to see that I am not the only one that feels disgust, if this is proven to be true. I personally wish her the best and that she finds someone that will make her happy. First of course she has to be happy with herself. It is hard enough to break up in private but when your break up is public, and we all know what they say about opinions……..

  49. Lord Of Bacon

    Wow a professional athelete acting like a child.

    The dumbest chick on the planet acting dumb

    shocking

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