EXCLUSIVE: Tony Romo disses Jessica Simpson’s bedroom skills

May 13th, 2008 // 108 Comments

Tony Romo went buck wild this weekend in Chicago and reports are coming in that he decided to get plastered and break up with Jessica Simpson – without telling her. These Boots are Made For Stalking broke the story after one of Tony’s friends informed them the Dallas quarterback was all over the ladies. The Superficial received an e-mail from an anonymous source that jives with Tony’s buddies’ tales and offers some more dirt on his night out. Here’s the exclusive details:

Tony Romo was in town, and he was bar hopping with some buddies of his from Chicago. He had the nerve to put Jessica on speakerphone and talk about their sex life with all his guys listening and laughing at her. Not only is this girl dumb, but she is completely self conscious about her bedroom skills. After a few too many drinks, he told everyone he and Jessica are over. They are taking a “break.” He could never see himself being serious and marrying this girl. He’s just having fun with her. It’s funny everyone is talking about them getting married when they are completely over. Sorry Jessica, Tony had his fun with you, and now is on to bigger and better things.

Not to be content with just one exclusive, here’s my exclusive letter to Jessica Simpson where I try to touch her exclusive boobs:

Dear Sweet Jessica,

I, too, suck in the sack. I mean, I’m freaking terrible. I’ve got references if you need them, so call me up and we’ll get down with some mediocre rebounding.
My number is 1-800-I-SWEAR-THIS-NEVER-HAPPENED-BEFORE.
Oh, and also, I’m really good at not making eye contact during conversations, so we’re practically a match made in heaven!

Your Knight in Sort of Shiny Armor But Really Just His Boxers,

The Superficial Writer

Photos: Flynet
superficial

  1. Messica sucks! Iknew it! That is why Nick left her ass for Vanessa! HAHAHA! that is fucked up! Tony romo is a slut! He is going to get what is coming to him! Messica, still sucks!

  2. First

    FIRST!!!!

  3. e

    Joe Simpsons a freak inthe sheets..I know.

  4. Jullia

    Here’s something cool http://www.nme.com/news/babyshambles/32901 Amy Whinehouse and Pete Doherty together…. nice…

  5. English Bob

    I always thought she’d be shit in the sack, that’s exactly why Nick left…My advice to this Tony fella is get yourself a right dirty bird, Spears or Lohan, now they’re dirty….I imagine.

  6. Emily

    Sounds like someone is jealous of Jess….

  7. ph7

    So funny – I have several friends who do the same thing – put their girlfriend on speakerphone, while on mute, and we all laugh at her.

  8. Pixie

    Jessica was raised to believe marriage and then sex which is what she did. This sometimes causes an inexperienced female to suffer in the sex department. Sometimes they can’t let go and really enjoy one good orgasm or multiple orgasms. They feel sensitive when a guy wants to be kinky or appauled if they get spanked during sex.

  9. Spazz

    Wow, classy guy.

  10. It's me Fuckers

    I can’t fucking stand JS or her family but I do feel a twinge bad for her to have things go so wrong in the public eye and to be set up like that and be laughed at by someone she is so into… Tony should get a good kick in the nuts for being such a douche.

  11. Chauncey Gardner

    Broads like Jessica don’t HAVE to be good in bed. Guys will fuck hot chicks simply because they’re hot, so all they have to do is lay there and let you stick it in ‘em. It’s the ugly and/or fat and/or psychotic chicks that go that extra mile.

  12. Jumpin_J

    Something about this doesn’t pass the smell test. First off, Tony comes off as a douche which I don’t think would go well with anyone. Second of all, Jessica can move that booty. I watch her videos so that make me an expert. You seen These Boots Are Made For Walkin video? Don’t tell me she doesn’t know what she’s doing. The only other explantion? She doesn’t know what to do in bed… with a guy. I think you hear me knockin, Jessica, and I’m bringing another girl with me. It’s okay, I’ll watch. Awww yeeeaaaah.

  13. crabby old guy

    That’s okay, Jessica had him on HER speakerphone while she was hanging with her girlfriends after Tony fumbled the snap and cost the Cowboys a playoff win in Seattle.

    She said he has the same problem when he tries to grab her hooters.

  14. 1 MILF Hunter

    Homo ought to concentrate on playing football more and humiliating women less. He’s shit the bed the last two seasons in the playoffs. If he keeps that up, he’ll be on speakerphone telling his pals what a piece of ass Rosanne Barr is.

  15. Dr Joyce Brothes

    11

    You are the type of guy women would not want to have sex with. You are one of those guys that jerk off a lot to Internet porn and see women solely as objects. You type of guys are basically bad in bed because you really don’t know how to turn a woman on. All you know how to do is stare at body parts while you have sex. Most men want to have a partner that enjoys giving and receiving pleasure and not a female that just lays there because she thinks she is hot and this should suffice.

  16. jackie OOOOO

    #7 obviously a douche too. You laugh at your FRIENDS girlfriends? When? Right before 4th period?

  17. Is he going for a BRIGHT and SMART one now?

  18. jeanne-marie

    @13

    You’re my hero.

  19. veggi

    I’m a bit smitten with 13 as well..

    Yeah, who fucking does that? 15 year olds with small division signs.. that’s who..

  20. havoc

    Romo’s a homo.

    Everyone in Dallas hates his ass. He sucks as a quarterback big time. He’s really just a little diva party bitch, and thats it.

    He parties all over the country except in Dallas, because people here call him a bitch everywhere he goes.

    .

  21. Jodi.

    I really like Jessica Simpson actually, and she’s not my typical type at all. Men (I’m male, despite the name) are such losers – I do feel bad for her – think about it, she’s been through a divorce, and as someone emphasises above, she’s also a Christian girl who probably believed that her marriage would have been for life, and (despite being an atheist) that saddens me.

    I must qualify a lot of the above by saying that she makes her own choices regarding the type of men she goes for though…

    ^Jodi

  22. sherry

    What an asshole to do that, that is just plain mean…

  23. nipolian

    Looks like she is starting to fill out/up that maternity dress nicely. Congrats to Pappa Joe are apparently in order.

  24. AJ

    #21
    Jessica brought it all on herself. First she gets a fat head and dumps her loving and caring husband because she thinks she can do better and does not want to share her movie money with Nick. Then she gets desperate with men because she realizes dating is hard and can be disappointing. So she starts having sex with John Mayer and he is using her for a convenient booty call and she allows it because she is desperate for love. Then she starts dressing like a porn star and colors her skin and her skin looks orange and she looks like an organe porn star. Then her dad sets her up with a football player so Jessica quits dressing like an orange porn star. Tony enjoys the fling but does not take Jessica serious because she reeks of desperation.

  25. Way to go Tony Roma, what a total ASSHOLE!! Go back to making ribs, you buttmunch!
    Yeah, I said buttmunch..

  26. Anonymous

    “Tony should get a good kick in the nuts”

    He will when football season starts.

    He’s gotta be the most overrated QB to come along in a very long time. Jones spent WAY too much on him.

  27. PunkA

    If this acount is true, I have ZERO respect for Romo. What a piece of human fesces. And I am a Cowboys fan, too, but if he really did that, then he flat out sucks ass as a person.

    By the way, what constitutes being great in the sack? As hot as she is, the only way she would not be good at it is in she is an ice queen. Otherwise, good times. Course, on Newlyweds, she sure whined about giving it up and doing stuff, so it oculd be true. If so, then she needs some therapy to lighten up.

    Romo is a fag.

  28. hot mess

    @25 AJ, have you considered children’s writing as a career, or is this just a part time thing?

  29. Jrz

    The cad.
    Whaddya expect…..he’s a Dallas Cowgirl.

  30. Lisa

    This is cruel IF, it happen. The girls not the smartest or brightest of the bunch. But she doesn’t deserve to be humiliated like that. I would agree that she makes her own choices about who she chooses to date. This doesn’t make her look bad it shows him to be a prick.
    I don’t particularly care for the Simpsons nor am I fascinated by their pathetic lives, but somethings are better left unsaid.
    Another way of looking at this is…perhaps if HIS technique were better, SHE might have made more of an effort.
    I always thought it took two to rock the boat.

  31. Anon

    I’ve yet to meet, hear, or read about a woman who doesn’t think she’s amazing in bed.
    At least good enough to pass judgement while above judgement themselves.

    It’s good to hear this happening to a woman for once just a shame it happened to Jessica as I like her. She’s got a really nice personality, why couldn’t this happen to one of the many bitches out there.

  32. pistola

    i always had a feeling that this chick would be a wet rag in the sack!

  33. craigj

    Dear Jessica;

    Sorry to hear about the Tony thing. That’s unfair of him to say the least. However, all is not lost, and someday you will find the right guy. When you do, and I’ll assume you’ll have a little while before you stumble across one, you’ll need to improve those bedroom skills so this doesn’t happen again. In fact improve your lovemaking skills enough, and well lets just say that revenge is to be savored. Set one would be to step up and go out and rent some porn videos. Now I realise that Daddy has his own personal stash that you’ve seen and starred in a dozen times. Get some new ones, not for personal arousal (though if that happens that’s good progress), but for you to study as an educational tool. Speaking of tools, you’ll need to stop and pick up some of those too. No silly, you can’t buy them at Home Depot. You can probably get them at the same place you rent the videos. Then sweetie, it’s off to practice with you. If you are looking for advice and seem concerned about the media finding out, refer yourself to your sister. She must be doing something right.

    Of course if I could ever be of service …

  34. Mama Pinkus

    I’ve never been a fan of Ms. Simpson but if this is true, it speaks volumes about Mr. Romo.

  35. That is terrible. I love Jess.

  36. Jodi

    Re: 25.

    Dear AJ,

    You know, I realise that there are two very wide opinions on this, and I appreciate your comments. I guess I’m prone to compassion, even if, as you suggest, it might be entirely misplaced. Maybe we agree on the idea of palpable desperation, but diverge on the notion of a moral imperative needing to be attached to it, more because I don’t pretend to know what informs her decisions (I know you don’t claim to know either) – does desperation have to be cynical? I’m not so sure. When I am tempted to comment on the love lives of others, and who or who doesn’t deserve this or that, I think of a poem by Sean O’Brien that I read recently called “The Apprehension”:

    “How comprehensive the disdain to which
    Compassion has migrated now”.

    ^Jodi.

  37. Bill Parcels

    Romo is a douche who can’t win the big game. See the last two playoffs.

  38. janex

    I have a friend who cannot achieve orgasm. It’s been that way her whole life. Can’t do it herself, can’t do it with a man, just can’t get there. I’ve been close to some of her boyfriends and they say she’s a goer. Ready and willing and adventursome. But eventually they all leave her because of it. I know plenty of guys might think it’s great to get their rocks off and not worry about their partner, but over time it freaks them out that they can’t get her off. Maybe Jess has that problem.Or she just sucks in bed like Homo said!

  39. Chauncey Gardner

    #11 -

    You misspelled your screen name, shithead.

  40. zsa zsa

    What a complete ass-holoio. She probably doesn’t feel like it now, but she’s better off without this LOSER. Kick ROMO off the COWBOYS….he’s the one that is obviously lacking some skills! CHOKER!!!!

  41. Tony R.

    “And dude, I’m telling ya, her cock?! It’s tiny, dude, tiny!”

  42. Chauncey Gardner

    Oops!

    #15, you’re the one with the misspelled name. But you’re still a shithead, “Brothes”.

  43. Jessica S.

    My new song is dedicated to Tony…

    If ever words were spoken
    Painful and untrue
    I said I loved but I lied
    In my life
    All I wanted
    Was the keeping
    Of someone like you
    As it turns out
    Deeper within me
    Love was twisted and pointed at you

    Never ending pain, quickly ending life –

    You keep this love, thing, child, toy
    You keep this love, fist, scar, break
    You keep this love

    I’d been the tempting one
    Stole her from herself
    This gift in pain
    Her pain was life
    And sometimes I feel so sorry
    I regret this the hurting of you
    But you make me so unhappy
    I’d take my life and leave love with you

    I’d kill myself for you, I’d kill you for myself –

    You keep this love, thing, child, toy
    You keep this love, fist, scar, break
    You keep this love

    No more head trips

  44. Gia

    @39
    I suspect your friend’s religious background has prevented her from reaching orgasm. It is sad how religion can ruin an orgasm. I suggest she practice meditation to help clear her mind during foreplay and sex. She also needs to experiment with vibrators so she can get an orgasm. She might only be able to achieve orgasm through a vibrator which she can include in her foreplay with her lover. I hope your friend gets an orgasm soon because every woman deserves regular orgasms.

  45. Stupid Guy

    She really picks some classy guys to date. I’d never kiss and tell, men that do this are just LOSERS that need to grow up, and any other women that date this Tony Romo Loser get what they deserve. But dating anyone that work at the restaurant Tony Romo’s for ribs is a good thing. Come to think of it that is where I’m going to go tonight to see if I can meet some birds. I may be stupid, but I have class.

  46. janex

    @45

    Gia – She is not religious at all. She has experimented with all sorts of toys, multiple partners, switch hitting, etc. Whatever it is, it’s clinical – not in her head. She’s 42, so her shit is nearing it’s end from a productivity POV. If it doesn’t work now, menopause should really be a blast.

  47. Pixie

    47

    I think she was religious at one time, but like most misguided religious females; they try hard to be naughty, but are always conflicted with their religion; even though they do not practice their beliefs anymore.

  48. Anyone who believes this story is an idiot. Of course, believing that no-talent Jessica sucks in the sack is fairly easy because the dumber the chick the worse they are in bed.

  49. Ted from LA

    #47,
    Send her to Ted from LA. He can fix her.

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