Jessica Simpson’s movie sucks

July 2nd, 2007 // 57 Comments
blonde-ambition-trailer.jpg

Sources say Jessica Simpson’s manager dad, Joe Simpson, has pushed back the release date twice for her new film Blonde Ambition because it’s no good and he doesn’t want it competing with other films. An insider tells Gatecrasher:

“First, the release date was set for Aug. 3, and then it was delayed until the last week of August,” says an insider. “Papa Joe then intervened and said he wasn’t comfortable with the level of competition from other films that month.” Another source says: “Jessica was not very focused on-set and flubbed her lines often. She always had her dog around, was on the phone with [then-] boyfriend John Mayer or was sitting in a warmed-up SUV.”

You mean a film starring Jessica Simpson is no good? Shocking! If Joe Simpson is worried about other movies being better then there’s no way this thing is ever going to be released. It’s a damn remake of Working Girl. A training video for Burger King would be more engaging. Don’t believe me? Watch the trailer, and then weep for everybody involved in this project.

superficial

  1. Duh

    Of course it sucks. This isn’t news…

  2. green buds

    first

  3. Jimbo

    But does she suck?

  4. Victor

    Who the fuck cares about the movie. She is still very doable. I’d still fuck her in a heartbeat, plus lick her pussy dry.

  5. Manny

    rofl, that trailer is horrid. but then what can you really expect out of her in movies? exactly.

  6. Gin

    Surprise, surprise.

  7. Jimbo

    Victor – can you picture that cute little Brazilian cut and nicely trimmed?

  8. oh my lord… I wanna pull my eyes out after watching that trailer.

  9. Duh

    #3 That wouldn’t be news either.

  10. jenny

    Wow. This is what sibling envy will do to you. For both of them.
    Owen and Ashlee are laughing their asses off about this.

  11. lambman

    This is just funny, I hope whoever decided to fund this film looses their job.

    I always enjoyed this Roger Ebert quote:

    “The movie stars Johnny Knoxville, from “Jackass,” Seann William Scott, from “American Wedding,” and Jessica Simpson, from Mars. Judging by her recent conversation on TV with Dean Richards, Simpson is so remarkably uninformed that she should sue the public schools of Abilene, Texas, or maybe they should sue her. On the day he won his seventh Tour de France, not many people could say, as she did, that they had no idea who Lance Armstrong was.”

  12. wedgeone

    Remember, this is the same person who didn’t eat buffalo when offered a hot wing.

    It’s not an act, people. Since the only thing that she’s good for is fucking, she should quit now and just jump into gang-bang porn.
    Then the courts should mandate that her baby factory be converted permanently into a playground, so that her seed could never contaminate the rest of the planet. Lord knows enough idiots are running around these days; she need not contribute more to that group.

  13. HELLO THERE — MY BOOBS ARE BACK.

    USE THE LINK ABOVE.

    THEN USE THE LINK ON THAT PAGE.

    THEN SEE GARGANTUAN CANS.

    THEN EITHER GAG, OR MASTURBATE.

    THEN PRAISE BERNARD.

  14. Aislinn

    Is this a rework or Working Girl or Legally Blonde? It seems more like Legally Blonde — right down to Luke Wilson.

  15. peopleRweird

    That movie trailor sucks like a groupie on a tour bus….

  16. BlohansDeviatedSeptum

    Being in a movie with this piece of talentless shit is the hollywood equivilent of Hari Kari.

    I can hardly wait to see this crap make about 5 bucks opening weekend.

  17. havoc

    Oh come on….

    How can a movie with Andy Dick AND Willie Nelson suck????

    .

  18. if the guy from Jackazz
    iz in it and the other
    dude from American Wedding..
    then I’ll definately watch it
    in the future…????

  19. Jade

    I would rather have sex with a relative than watch that shit movie…

  20. Chauncey Gardner

    This would be lucky to get even a February opening with all the other losers. Look for it to go STV some time next year in an attempt to recoup a fraction of its budget.

  21. meh

    does this really suprise anyone? she can’t act.

  22. Max

    My friend was a PA on this movie. He told me Jessica was on some diet pills that resulted in anal leakage. She called in another PA to clean up her sullied robe. Jessica Simpson poos in her robes! This isn’t that shocking though.

  23. LL

    Didn’t watch the trailer, don’t need to. Shit like this is why I have a hard time feeling sorry for Hollywood when it whines about counterfeit DVDs and unauthorized downloading and the costs of production and whatnot. If someone out there still has millions to throw away on a fucking Jessica Simpson movie, then Hollywood must still have enough money. And I don’t want to hear them whining about how their box office receipts are going down and how could that be, yada yada yada. The only people on earth dumber than Jessica Simpson are the producers who greenlight her movies (and anything with Paris or Lohan or Rob Schneider in it, as well). They should all be working at Starbucks.

  24. corey

    Jessica is a dickhead this isnt new’s the bitch is a useless bag of shit

  25. Luke Wilson’s career is officially in the toilet.

  26. Not real sure about papajoe, and I’m sad, five more soldierboys gone today{crying}

  27. Jenna

    OMG, after watching this video I realized what permanent brain damage is like. That’s a lot of brain cells that have just simultaneously died in my brain.

    P.S. Poor Luke Wilson. It’s just not fair for him, considering how cute he is

  28. Miserable Bastard

    This is why John Mayer dumped her…
    “Look Jessica, we had some good times, but you’re no Reese Witherspoon, and there can never be more than one ‘Legally Blonde’ for me.”

  29. PrettyBaby

    I think I posted a Jessica Simpson comment on a different thread by accident. Shiiiit. Apparently Jess isn’t the only idiot around these parts. TSFSRT.

  30. YouRang

    @29 Don’t worry, stick to the esthetics and it doesn’t matter that you are low on the intelligent quotient. You are juicy and delicious and an example of the aforementioned persona addressed here.

  31. lj

    The problem is that her parents told her she had talent! Papa
    Joe is the producer of all of her movies and is using the money he makes off of her to continue her career. Maybe this will be a wake-up call but I doubt it. She’s suppose to start her next movie in a few weeks in Louisiana as the Major Movie Star (NOT). She’ll have fun playing a Marine in the heat.She’s batting zero in everything she does.

  32. queenbuzz

    Blind Demolition…that is so horrible..

  33. YouRang

    #30 Thanks I mean fuck off, I mean… whatever.
    Holy shit… okay apparently I only thought of commenting and didn’t. Fucking balls, busy day at work.
    Okay, look-ummmm yeah. Jess needs so badly to focus on a music career and stay the hell away from acting. Unless the part is a spoof on herself or something. I do think she is cute but it weirds me out that her Dad lusts after her.
    She was also funner when she was “dating” the guys Bam, Johnny, Steve and the other Boys.

  34. PrettyBaby

    #33 My attempt at trolling Yourang was very, very lame, but I enjoyed it!!!! Bwahahahahah!

  35. leelee

    if you go on imdb.com you can see the nasty wig that she wore. Talk about low budget, they can’t even afford decent hair… let alone a decent script.

  36. queenbuzz

    Now that’s what I call “trailer trash”

  37. wedgeone2

    I MADE A VOW NEVER TO POST AS A TROLLER AGAIN.

  38. wedgeone2

    sICK OF THE FUCKING BULLSHIT AND TIRED OF BEING BLAMED- I AM HERE FOR WHOEVER IS READY TO CONTACT ME. SOMEONE HAVE THE BALLS TO STEP FORWARD. I HAVE CHANGED, THINGS ARE DIFFERENT NOW

  39. Jezzica needz to learn to
    zurf?????§ to get her zhape
    back????????=!

  40. Jimbo

    Trollers can suck me. No really.
    Someone suck me.

  41. krazihotkelliiiii

    I exizt here
    at the trollerz amuzement
    don’t try to ztop jezzica
    from doing her thing.
    zuperficialrockz Perezz
    Hilton blowz

  42. wedgeone

    WTF is with the pseudo-trolling going on here!?

  43. I can’t stand her lipstick, it’s such an obnoxious shade of red.

  44. Texas Tranny

    Ok Jimbo, I’ll do it :-)

  45. DeeDee

    Wow – that is really horrific. And I’m not just saying that because I think Jessica Simpson is a dipshit. It’s truly, utterly, and positively horrific.

    And Luke Wilson…WTF?! His career is over and that’s too bad – he seems like a nice enough guy.

    And Simpson…you are cute and all, but please, for the love of all things good and pure, STOP MAKING MOVIES/ALBUMS. Find some good charities that you believe in and do some volunteer work. Open up a restaurant. Do SOMETHING else.

  46. #41=having fun yet?
    hope zo….

    So, Jimbo needz a blowjob?
    interexting….

  47. Kingnitro

    As Long as Dada runs the Gals careers, shit like this will continue to Happen!

  48. Jezzica: lock your dad away somewhere
    in an attic or basement and don’t let
    him out…hez ruining U..??

  49. BlohansDeviatedSeptum

    I fund this hard to believe. I mean she was so money in that Employee of the Month movie.

    bwahahahahahahahahahahaha

  50. wiinja

    jessica is like a child:

    -she should be seen, and not heard
    -she should be locked back in the attic when company leaves

    …worked for me

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