Jessica Simpson’s dog snatched by coyote

September 15th, 2009 // 86 Comments

God really hates Jessica Simpson these days. Not only did she lose Tony Romo, but now her dog Daisy was stolen by a coyote yesterday, according to her Twitter:

My heart is broken because a coyote took my precious Daisy right in front of our eyes. HORROR! We are searching. Hoping. Please help!

Obviously, Jessica’s offering some sort of reward for Daisy’s return which is why you’ll see Joe Simpson and the 50 Blackwater mercenaries he hired scouring the countryside. “No one sleeps until there’s a check for two boob dollars in my hand, gentlemen. Now let’s move out!”

superficial

  1. That woman, er, I mean dog, is a hot mess.

  2. Keith

    The dog probably though the coyoyte’s chin was less scary than Jessica’s man chin.

  3. Not calling JSim a biznatch (love that girl), but daaamn, I’m not sure if it’s worse to have an ugly dog like that, or lose it to a pack of hungry coyotes.

    I feel bad for her, actually.

  4. Veronica

    Well..Its a safe bet the dog is probably gone . I feel for her :( poor pup

  5. AGame

    she shld’ve put daisy on a leash – the one that romohomo used to use for her mutt face.

    seriously, if the coyotes got her dog, are these flyers really going to help?

  6. combustion8

    that dog’s coyote shit by now.

  7. ek

    Reward? Does she think the coyotes stole her tiny dog like thing for a pet? Welcome to survival of the fittest.

  8. Danklin24

    Wow that actually really sucks. There’s a good chance the pooch is gone. Coyotes teeth are razor sharp and probably killed the dog just by carrying it away. Hope someone funds it alive. Poor pup and Jessica

  9. Danklin24

    Wow that actually really sucks. There’s a good chance the pooch is gone. Coyotes teeth are razor sharp and probably killed the dog just by carrying it away. Hope someone funds it alive. Poor pup and Jessica

  10. It's Me Fuckers

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! *cough-cough-puff-puff*
    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    *wipes tears away* I can just picture it now! hehehe

  11. someguyguy

    The funniest thing about this story? The color of her (ex) dog is spelled caramel, not carmel.

  12. mrs.t

    Coyotes took down and killed my neighbor’s 70 lb. Boxer last week….that little piece of lint didn’t stand a chance. Poor pup. And only Jessica Simpson would put up a flyer after seeing fucking coyotes take her dog….”How do you KNOW they can’t read?”

  13. Jillia

    Poor little thing! I don’t know whether to laugh or cry, but that’s a shame to watch your pet get taken away like that, deep down knowing what was going to happen to it.

  14. Lloyd Johnson

    A coyote took her dog in front of her eyes.

    She is offering a reward. On the internet.

    Good Luck

  15. zuzuspetals

    I typically have no sympathy forJessica Simpson because she’s a stupid Christian fake-tanned talentless celebutard, but I do feel sad about this, Poor dog.

  16. DaisyDog

    Hello all you fish readers. Would some of you hurry and tell Jessica that I’m now in that coyote’s tummy. If they hurry and catch this brute they can slice him up and still see little doggie parts. In a couple of days they will be needing to just sniff the coyote droppings along the trail to find me. Jessica know what I smell like. Thanks so much.

    Daisy.

  17. Sebastian

    Maybe a Dingo ate yo baby!!!

  18. ROUGH daddy

    Joe Simpson and the 50 Blackwater mercenaries he hired scouring the countryside. Very nice Fish….lol

  19. havoc

    *NEWS FLASH*

    COYOTES CAN’T READ.

    .

  20. beep beep

    How do you know that coyotes can’t read?

  21. beep beep

    How do you know that coyotes can’t read?

  22. Douglas

    18 years from now Daisy will be found living in the coyote’s backyard tent with 2 pups fathered by the coyote……

  23. DrAero

    AHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Yes, offer a reward, because coyotes don’t kill what they eat. They just take it for a walk, and let it go. I feel bad for the dog, but it’s probably in better place than being smothered by that fatling Jessica. I am suprised the dog did not starve after Jessica scarfed it’s food down everyday.

  24. Bono Napoleon

    I love Jessica Simpson, but what does she think happened? The Coyotes kidnapped it and strapped it to an ACME rocket to catch the roadrunner?
    Seriously though, I feel for her.

  25. Bono Napoleon

    I love Jessica Simpson, but what does she think happened? The Coyotes kidnapped it and strapped it to an ACME rocket to catch the roadrunner?
    Seriously though, I feel for her.

  26. Io

    awww that’s actually pretty sad and horrifying. I know if it happened to my dog I would be devastated.

  27. gotmilk?

    LOL @ 6

    where did this even happen? my parents have coyotes in their area and you can bet your ass i don’t let my dog run around on its own.

  28. That’s terrible. You see here why I can’t help but pity this girl. She’ll probably receive some unpleasant info about the coyote lifestyle.

    Maybe they just want closure.

  29. Val

    So wait…if a coyote took her dog. I dont see how she thinks she is getting it back from it in one piece. Yah, that poor doggie is dead.

  30. Fonzi

    Its caramel not carmel you clever thing you….

  31. BigRedEd

    She thinks something bad will happen to her dog, like the coyote will take it out back of the school for cigarettes and cheap liquor, not realizing that the coyote is currently wearing the dog’s bloody, gutted body for a hat right now…

  32. Val

    So wait…if a coyote took her dog. I dont see how she thinks she is getting it back from it in one piece. Yah, that poor doggie is dead.

  33. kid_dynomite

    maybe it was taken by Wile E Coyote. And if so Wile E can read, because he was always getting dynamite, catapults, and other assorted weapons from the Acme Company. Or maybe he just got tired of chasing the Roadrunner, all those years and saw Jess’s dog as a quick snack. A Reward??? For what? A carcass!!

  34. jess

    i feel sorry for her for losing the dog and witnessing it. the pain and guilt is probably unbearable.

    However, what makes me really sad is thinking about that tiny dog. All it has known is love and security and it was ripped from that and then most likely ripped to pieces. The fear and pain that little pup felt during the last moments of her life makes me sick.

  35. jess

    i feel sorry for her for losing the dog and witnessing it. the pain and guilt is probably unbearable.

    However, what makes me really sad is thinking about that tiny dog. All it has known is love and security and it was ripped from that and then most likely ripped to pieces. The fear and pain that little pup felt during the last moments of her life makes me sick.

  36. jess

    i feel sorry for her for losing the dog and witnessing it. the pain and guilt is probably unbearable.

    However, what makes me really sad is thinking about that tiny dog. All it has known is love and security and it was ripped from that and then most likely ripped to pieces. The fear and pain that little pup felt during the last moments of her life makes me sick.

  37. Pilatunes

    Carmel! CARMEL! ahahahahahahahaahaha!

    Just in case you needed further proof that she is fucking stupid. God, I wish the coyotes had got her instead of that poor dog.

  38. Amp88

    For those questioning: It is CARMEL. “Caramel” is a candy.

    Anyway, I feel so saddened about what happened to Daisy. Such a sweet little dog she was. :’( If she did die (which is probably certain), I hope it was a quick end….

  39. Design As A Weapon

    A coyote ate Miss Daisy…

    A dingo ate my baby…

    Didn’t work in the Eighties, won’t work now.

    Where’d you hide the body, Jessica?

  40. chupacabra

    she’s from texas, she should know better. that dog is coyote poop. This is why you get big dogs, like Shepards. Fuck little toy dogs. they deserve to be appetizers.

  41. chupacabra

    she’s from texas, she should know better. that dog is coyote poop. This is why you get big dogs, like Shepards. Fuck little toy dogs. they deserve to be appetizers.

  42. insecthero

    Eh, that’s part of life. Happens all the time in southern California; people move into former wilderness area, bring stupid yippy little dogs, coyotes periodically steal and eat them.

    I much prefer coyotes to neighbors’ dogs, so people get very little sympathy from me when this sort of thing happens.

  43. PETA

    Uh….Jess? That coyote didn’t swipe your dog because it was lonely and needed a playmate.

  44. doubting nom

    @12
    doubt that..

  45. Dread not

    How fuckin’ insane would it be if, Morgan Freeman drove up in some old car and returned Jessica Simpson’s dog?

  46. Punkoid

    I have utmost sympathy for people who lose their pets, but “searching” for that poor dog isn’t going to do any good. The only thing they might find is a furry coyote turd.

  47. Geoff

    @38, CARMEL is not a color. CARMEL is a GEOGRAPHICAL NAME (in California, Indianapolis and Israel) you moron. CARAMEL, on the other hand, is a candy indeed just like you said, but is also used to describe a moderate yellow brown color (like the poor dog’s color who is now coyote poo). Do you know what dictionaries are?

  48. Brandon

    The dog has been eaten. Guaranteed.

  49. WHITNEY

    You people are the reason that the world is so fucked up! It’s horrible what happen to that dog regardless of who the owner is. Get a life and stop being so cruel.My heart is with you Jessica.

  50. WHITNEY

    You people are the reason that the world is so fucked up! It’s horrible what happen to that dog regardless of who the owner is. Get a life and stop being so cruel.My heart is with you Jessica.

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