Jessica Simpson and beer commercials: Why hasn’t this happened sooner? Jessica, in her first logical career move ever, is going to be the face of new Dallas’ Stampede Light Plus, according to the Dallas Morning News:
“She’s the face of the brand now,” said Lawrence Schwartz, Stampede’s president and chief executive, who says sales have more than doubled in the past year.
Stampede’s marketing is focused on its vitamin content, which it describes as “functional additives.”
“As an entrepreneur, I am always looking for ways to diversify my portfolio with good ideas and good people,” Ms. Simpson said in a statement. “Yes, I work out and take care of myself, but I also like a cold beer once in a while.”
Vitamin powered beer?! I had to check this insanity out for myself so I hopped over to Stampede Light’s website and holy shit. Apparently, it’s the healthy beer for go-getters who hate elevators but love recycling – which I always thought was illegal in Texas. Who knew? That said, somebody get five cases STAT. I’m dangerously low on riboflavin.
UPDATE: Not only am I deliciously full of energy to tackle the day, but I just shit on my desk! Thanks, Stampede Light!
Caring Ken | August 20, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Hillbilly thighs.
Yuck.
ihateemo | August 20, 2008 at 1:18 pm
The use of the word “entrepreneur” proves that she did not write this statement herself.
mixedmartialartvideos.com | August 20, 2008 at 1:25 pm
i dont like those big heels she wears
Elliot_Spitz_On_Her | August 20, 2008 at 1:30 pm
The face of the brand? Great… now they’ll only sell TWO cases this year… unless the bottles are made to look like her naked bossom.
God | August 20, 2008 at 1:34 pm
SHOW US YOUR TITSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
michele | August 20, 2008 at 1:41 pm
That’s kinda funny that she wanted to be a christian singer like 5 years ago, they turned her down. Now she wants to sell beer to the masses. I’m sure five years from now she will be promoting her own chain of topless bars. Good save now that we can all see that your career as anything other than your shoes are all going down the craper. Yee-hahh!
Matt Adamczyk | August 20, 2008 at 1:41 pm
It is worth mentioning that Jessica Simspon is allergic to wheat. Wheat is a key ingredient in beer. That’s like having a slug endorse a brand of table salt.
Alice | August 20, 2008 at 1:44 pm
#3 – she’s a midget, and has thick stumpy legs. Heels helps on both counts.
Roger | August 20, 2008 at 1:52 pm
Like, the babe helping her out of the car would look better in those shorts!
piss on you | August 20, 2008 at 2:30 pm
Faggots and fat cows don’t think she looks good
Hey now! | August 20, 2008 at 2:44 pm
#7 – Beers use malted barley as the base with most American lagers using corn and/or rice as well (which is what makes them so tasteless). Wheat is only an ingredient in wheat beers, which are relatively rare.
Tapeworm | August 20, 2008 at 2:47 pm
But what does all of this have to do with this heiffer’s calf implants?
Just when you thought she couldn’t increase her self-loathing….
vg902 | August 20, 2008 at 2:50 pm
love those big thighs, love to pour some beer thru her B crack and lick it
umm….Thirsty ..
rough daddy | August 20, 2008 at 2:51 pm
she should be inspiration to most cows out there,,,she works out,,,great legz…
yourstupid | August 20, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Number 11….your an idiot.
Katt | August 20, 2008 at 3:04 pm
Damn…I know she works out and has a great body, but her legs are looking a bit manly! Those aren’t calves…those are steers!!!
Dieter | August 20, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Her cooter must be bigger than the Astrodome.
wellsley snipers | August 20, 2008 at 3:11 pm
Of course faggoty nerds with scrawny toothpick legs think her legs are too muscular.
hotskanks | August 20, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Romo must want the free beer, to make his sex life easier.
celebrity gossip | August 20, 2008 at 3:26 pm
thanxx
you pizza-faced losers | August 20, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Do you limp-wristed pizza-faces feel threatened by women who have more muscles than you? The only muscles you nerds have are in your hands from pecking away at the keyboard and wacking off on your bedsheet from anime cartoons
gotmilk? | August 20, 2008 at 4:05 pm
who puts slits in their already short shorts? whore.
those shoes are ridiculous, so they must come from her shoe line.
Anonymous | August 20, 2008 at 4:06 pm
Joe Simpson is really a piece of work. Isn’t he supposed to be a preacher? And now he’s pimping out Chestica for a beer company? She’ll never get by with her “talent” alone, gotta keep her in the public eye somehow.
the truth | August 20, 2008 at 4:43 pm
She can buy and sell all of you homely useless bitches
Ted from LA | August 20, 2008 at 5:32 pm
Drink Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. It’s not just for breakfast anymore.
mimi | August 20, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Let’s all just pray for Amy
Lanie D | August 20, 2008 at 5:43 pm
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This web page REEKS of jealousy! Kudos for a Dallas guy and a Dallas girl teaming up to represent the BIG D in something we all love – Beer, success and notoriety.
The jealous dog whines the most and boy do you guys crave what she has!
I’ll drink to that!
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Tina | August 20, 2008 at 6:20 pm
Lanie D,
You realize everyone is laughing at the Dallas guy and Girl, don’t you?
friendlyfires | August 20, 2008 at 7:14 pm
Good golly she owns a fifteen percent interest in the company. Free beer for life!
I’m takin’ Jewel and her rodeo cowboy to Dallas (there’s four hours of my life) for steak and sprouts (guess who noshes on sprouts – hint: not the menfolk!) while loadin’ up on airhead blond touted vitamin-enriched celebrity beer.
Hoo-dogie, yee-ha, and yippie-ki-yi-ay, motherfucker!
AW is a freak | August 20, 2008 at 7:33 pm
“Let’s all just pray for Amy”
Still don’t get it, do you, mimi? The more you pray, the worse she (Amy W.) gets. You might as well cast a few spells and go to a voodoo shop in the French Quarter.
Prayer….LMAO!
gia | August 20, 2008 at 7:33 pm
boo, i submitted this to you superfish… i wanted my, “thanks to gia whose chest is so spectacular she makes jessica simpson look like an olsen twin,” comment.
britney's weave | August 20, 2008 at 7:47 pm
who drinks beer to be healthy? this is the stupidest thing i’ve read in months.
btw, she looks ridiculous. what in god’s name is she wearing?
Mike Hawk | August 20, 2008 at 11:15 pm
How high is she in these pics, she should be endorsing weed outlets…
Bob White | August 20, 2008 at 11:54 pm
Always thought she was definately good looking enough but seems to miss it when it comes to the wardrobe department. Why is she wearing short shorts with that top and those shoes? All are decent but together miss the mark. This getup is somehow off. It gives the illusion that she has no pants on…
gerard Vandenberg | August 21, 2008 at 12:35 am
she’s playing in her new comedy: “IQ-test”!!
FACE | August 21, 2008 at 7:17 am
Comment #10 got it right. She is the hottest overall package in Hollywood. Certainly the best legs and prettiest smile. I would rim her all night given the chance.
Alex | August 21, 2008 at 8:50 am
Best legs? They look like tree stumps – short and thick and lumpy.
jessica | August 21, 2008 at 11:08 am
I am so surprised that Jessica had not removed her profile from that celebs site Richromances.com yet. Oh, god bless. She can get what she wants~~Go Jessica~!!
Jess is a Cute Chubby Chick | August 21, 2008 at 11:18 am
Her knee caps even look fat lol!
Becky | August 21, 2008 at 2:15 pm
I got suckered into buying Stampede at Whole Foods one time… The reason it’s so “healthy” is that it only has like 3% alcohol. LAME.
you pizza-faced losers | August 21, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Only some homo with scrawny stringbean legs would think hers are fat. Go jack off on your bed again and STFU
ummm...yeah | August 22, 2008 at 10:21 am
mimi
I hate you