Jessica Simpson’s beer ad assaults both the mind and liver

August 21st, 2008 // 58 Comments

Jesus, that was fast. Here’s the first of presumably many ads featuring Jessica Simpson as the new face of Stampede Light Plus beer. I gotta be honest, this campaign is already headed towards epic FAIL. Everyone knows you can’t sell beer without bikinis. Did the Ten Commandments teach us nothing? Here’s the text for anyone that’s interested and has a high tolerance for dumb:

I work out and take care of myself. But I also like a cold beer once in a while. That’s why I made a smart choice with a smart beer. Stampede Light, it’s beer plus.

Beer plus what? Kittens? A Wii? Hot sauce? Wait, look who I’m asking. Anyway, I highly doubt these are Jessica Simpson’s true feelings on Stampede Light. In fact, here’s her initial reaction:

“If Tony Romo leaves me, I’ll kill myself! GLUG GLUG GLUG! This tastes like Flintstone vitamins and piss – Hit me again. I don’t care how many I drank! I’m the spokesperson I threw up in my cowboy hat and now I wanna drive the truck. Beep! Beep!”

NOTE: Pic links to larger version in case you like hay and/or the faint allusion of cleavage.

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  1. Adru

    The open mouthed look isn’t sexy, she looks like the retarded kid that breathes really loud.

  2. MK

    This is obviously not targeted toward men, but women. That’s why she’s not wearing a bikini. Note the high fashion look on her face. It looks like a Ralph Lauren ad.

  3. vicky

    anyone else think that doesn´t look at all like jessica simpson????? this is so lame..

  4. LaraCroftsmole

    She is so nasty and she has no brains. Vapid, vacuous VERMIN.

  5. whitebeeeeaaaaar

    what’s wrong with her face? that’s not even funny, dead behind the eyes and half opened smile like she just forgot something,

    Jessica smile! let me see you sexy sexy! think of beer, beer is sexy,
    aaahhh?!?

  6. Ashley

    sorry, i like it. she looks pretty good. beer sounds kinda interesting. i wish i could get in LA

  7. out

    Looks as bad as “BILLY” beer from former president Carters brother Billy.

  8. Hd

    Can I just say, that I LOVE this commentary, so funny! :

    “If Tony Romo leaves me, I’ll kill myself! GLUG GLUG GLUG! This tastes like Flintstone vitamins and piss – Hit me again. I don’t care how many I drank! I’m the spokesperson I threw up in my cowboy hat and now I wanna drive the truck. Beep! Beep!”

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