Jessica Simpson: Now with more CGI!

May 5th, 2009 // 75 Comments

Jessica Simpson poses for the latest issue of Vanity Fair whose editors apparently decided to employ more digital effects than goddamn Transformers. Literally, I’m amazed Michael Bay isn’t standing between Jessica’s breasts demanding something blows up in slow motion. Besides her career that is. HIYO!

Thanks to SaraDevil who shot both Han and Greedo first.

Photos: Vanity Fair

  1. gab17

    niceee first

  2. Reach

    she looks like a cross breed of a mule and a wild pig
    it’s actually pretty funny how she doesn’t have an inkling of natural beauty…

  3. Rich

    Gab17 – Get a life and learn how to spell!!!!

  4. Kim

    Is it me or is she tryin’ to look like Eva Mendes?

  5. i kinda think she looks like Bridgette Bardot in the fifth one.

  6. bobs your uncle

    man jaw has a man jaw

  7. Cheeky Chic

    The cover has definitely been “helped” but as for the other pics: with a good stylist and a good photog it isnt hard to make anyone look thin. Notice how you rarely see her arms fully exposed and the only time you really see a full body shot she is in a black outfit? Hmmmm…..coincidence? NOT!!!

  8. Keri

    lol she looks like britney circa crazy bald stage in pic # 7

  9. Well I don’t care what any of you say – I think she’s hot and I’d do her.

  10. Huckleberry Hashimoto

    I’d hit it


  11. lola

    I never said she was fat. The corporate controlled media did and it sure distracted a lot of people from important issues

  12. Rachell

    Wow, I can’t believe how thin she looks with strategic lighting, posing, the selection of a few shots from rolls and rolls of film and airbrushing! She sure showed us! btw- she still looks big :P

  13. read: MORE FLESH & FAT ON THE BONES, folks!!

  14. jacy

    most annoying and talentless bitch ever. does she ever shut her mouth… and her jawline is the hybrid cross of herman munster and heidi montag.

  15. X

    Can’t photoshop away fatpits.

  16. Lindsay

    She sure is wearing a LOT of clothing. Like, robes and shit. My grandma looks thin in a robe. JK i don’t have a grandma.

  17. Looking Gorgeous
    For More Click on My Name :)

  18. CATHY R


  19. CATHY R


  20. Megan

    #16 Lindsay -

    That last bit cracked me the fuck up for some reason.

    Anyway, it’s easy to look thinner with more clothes, loads of lighting, and weird positions that stretch out parts of your body. Oh, and photoshop. Mass amounts of photoshop.

  21. i wish

    shes so beautiful i wish i looked like her.

  22. shelby

    ha her arm in the third picture is a joke

  23. dayyyyuuuum

    #21 if you’re a male just put on a dress and you’ll be halfway there

  24. Donkey Dongey Dong

    God…when will this dumb, talentless, vapid, and yes, FAT whore just GO AWAY???

    Jess – Go back to wearing Grand Ole Opry dresses and singing country music at chili cookoffs. Oh, that’s right; the country crowd hated you too.

    Go blow your father. Again.

    That is all.

  25. Bo

    the wonders of photoshop

  26. Thank you Photoshop !

  27. kitty says

    The superficial: criticizing the media’s manipulation and distortion of the female image while upholding and worshipping the media’s manipulation and distortion of the female image!!!

  28. smarg

    Poor thing. She turned minimal talent and a nice body into celebrity-hood, with the helo if her svengali father. I guess she’s like Jen Anniston, tho, with men…her pussy must stink really bad or something cause she can’t keep a man. Romo is letting her stick around for now, but I’m sure he’ll ditch her when he gets a trade-up opportunity.

  29. Why wont Joe put her in a 2piece, if he want to dispel rumors shes fat?

  30. Clever Metaphor

    Dude, I don’t care what anyone says, i’d hit it so hard if you pulled me out you’d be the King of England.

  31. bert

    ^^^^ what she said ^^^^

  32. Not bad fotos.

  33. sooooo.... skinny

    Wow, she looks great. Love the classy vintage shots.

    Photo-edited or not, there is nothing bad to be said about these pictures.

  34. sooooo.... skinny

    Wow, she looks great. Love the classy vintage shots.

    Photo-edited or not, there is nothing bad to be said about these pictures.

  35. Do you hear that flushing sound? That’s the echo from her career going down the toilet some time about 18 months ago…

  36. XX

    These photos are obviously BEFORE she got heavy.

  37. I’d treat her like a plastic fuck doll!

  38. Galtacticus

    These are some pretty neat looking pictures.

  39. Gando

    These photos give her an upgrade.How about some memory training next?

  40. Darth

    Yeah,i’d remember you can train your memory.What was the name of the training again?

  41. LPB

    Not too bad, really. When has anyone EVER done a spread like this that wasn’t “re-touched”? And yes, believe it or not, they always only use the best stuff.

    But, that outfit in the cover shot looks weirdly “shopped” below the belt line. Like it’s some kind of fiberglass shell skirt; like Dale Ardor would wear in Buck Rogers or something.

  42. Boogeyman King Dong

    I like her spread.She has good face for photography.

  43. Nero

    She looks a kinda cute on the spread.

  44. There, I said it

    Waaayyy downmarket for Vanity Fair.

  45. Deacon Jones


  46. yup

    she looks fine. leave this girl alone.

  47. Tee

    Listen, I’ll be the first one to admit this chick has no talent (and has been photoshopped to the hilt), but those of you calling her fat and ugly, etc, better look like Brad Pitt or Megan Fox to have the balls to put Jessica’s looks down.

    And those of you who have called her a slut or a whore: how does she even qualify in a world filled with Britneys, Lohans, Hiltons, and Madonnas? Jessica doesn’t even register on the slut scale.

    That being said, I wish Jessica would just marry some rich guy from Texas and settle down, go away, and have babies.

  48. Melanie

    I think she looks gorgeous.

  49. Yup

    She’s holding her mouth almost closed, almost pursed in most of these shots. It’s not hot. She is trying so hard. So far there has been up to at least 15 ‘projects’ just like this that went totally wrong/fail. The grand ol opry, the sister blowing it on SNL, the divorce and subsequent failure to replace someone as ‘good’ as nick lachey (how hard is that? not hard), the ridicule over her outfits/fatness, I could go on but I do have a life outside of my guilty pleasure of ripping celebs here. I like #47. Just marry some nobody rich dude or chick and get lost. Your so boringly uninteresting except to rip on.
    Tony romo is a bobble head.

  50. Maximus

    That 7th pic is breathtaking.
    Whether or not the woman in the pic actually exists in that form in real life is up for debate, but if she does exist, she’s incredibly hot.

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