Jessica Simpson, what in the hell?!

January 25th, 2009 // 525 Comments

Jessica Simpson performed at the 99.9 Kiss Country 24th Annual Chili Cook Off in Florida yesterday, and I think I speak for everyone when I say “JESUS CHRIST BALLS!” I understand she’s jealous of Ashlee’s baby, but someone needs to tell Jessica you can’t eat yourself pregnant before she has a coronary. Tony Romo, I’m looking at you, and yes, you’re gonna lose a finger.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Cindy

    I’d love to be as “fat” as she is. Damn people…she must be a HUGEMONGOUS size 6!!!!! OMG!

  2. Cball11

    She looks like Roseanne Barr in the first pic. But in the rest, I’d say the pounds are doing great things for her T&A. The gut though…… hmm. Yeah, put down the ENTIRE COW please, you’ll regret it later.

  3. noog

    Well, she is doing country music, so at least she looks the part.

  4. LeanneMarie

    Please, do a side by side of Jess and Beth from Dog the Bounty Hunter.

  5. eastcoastgirl

    She’s short. A short person can gain ten pounds and have it look lide 20 or 30 pounds.

  6. RIPCayleeMarie

    Her stylist should definitely be fired. I don’t think there is anything less flattering that she could have worn.

  7. tiffany

    Wow….she is trying way too hard to look like and be a “country singer”.

  8. Red Yuck

    #100 those are either jizz or white powdered donut stains. Possibly both.

  9. n

    is that dolly parton?

  10. oJAEflo

    I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that she was a judge in this chili cook-off.

  11. SATAN

    this tacky moron reminds me of a hairy turd i once took. i can’t wait til Romo dumps her stupid ass and starts fuckin Ashlee

  12. Megan

    Jesus, to think she was Daisy Duke. She is like 5’3″ or something, so 125 might not be too far off for that height, but she is not in size 6 jeans. Those jeans are horrible, I agree.

    I think it’s such a big deal because, since she has no talent, looking good was her only real “job.” So it’s just funny that she couldn’t keep up with that. She’s a horrible person anyway, so it doesn’t matter. The outside is matching the inside.

  13. Mike

    yes she’s gained weight. so what. I think she still looks amazingly beautiful and you all are just being disrespectful jerks. leave the poor girl alone.

  14. gotmilk?

    unflattering outfit or not, she’s fucking huge!

    nice sausage arms!

  15. chupacabra

    she just looks old as hell here. Shiit. And those pants are full of shit.

  16. bernie lomax

    There is no way this is JS. The person looks like a stunt double.

  17. KC

    Jessica Blimpson – oh the humanity.

  18. Lisa

    Lord help! Someone should tell her to watch the clothing since she has put on a few pounds.

  19. trannysaid

    this is a dude.

  20. robert

    She looks like Dawg(? the Hawaii bounty-hunter)’s wife in these pix. no?

  21. chains

    that’s not her. it’s a look alike.

  22. Amber Adams

    Um… that she’s gone country is she channeling Natalie Maines from the Dixie Chicks? There has to be balance in life, Britney’s in shape again, so I guess Jess has to be fat.

  23. uh ohh

    backup belt..?

  24. craigj

    She can’t be fat. How the hell can she eat with 10lbs of silicone in her lips? Fat? Remember what Zappa said … the bigger the cushion the better the pushin. Fat? That’s’ Tony Romo’s off-season workout mat.

  25. I wouldn’t mind her straddling me while I’m lying down, undoing her bra, then knocking me the fuck out with her enormous baby feeders. And it looks like some one has been doing the ol’ nip tuck around the eyes… no, my bad, that’s just fat face…

  26. bye-bye-bye

    At least now it’s easier for her to wave good-bye to her career with those big bye-bye arms

  27. Fat Chicks Suck

    She has been packing on weight for awhile now – I haven’t found her attractive for quite some time. Now she is just downright fat. Absolutely disgusting! How hard is it to stay in shape? Especially when staying in shape is 75% of your career?

    I’m not at all surprised…but that is pathetic.

  28. maybe she is pregnant.

  29. shosh

    So sad for her!!! she used to be good ; and all hot and sincere people on _____AGELESSMATE. COM_____ love her so much!!! she once was a hot people on that hot spot!!!!! checka!!!

  30. HuckyDucky

    “Cadaver Lips” is NOT a good look.

    There’s something else going on besides the lips, too. She’s starting to look like Michael Jackson. I bet she’s addicted to plastic surgery. God, she used to be so good-looking.

  31. maria

    i think that she looks alot better thicker
    her face looks so much prettier!!!!!!!!!!

  32. Jackson

    Jessica should wear a butt girdle so people will focus on her girdle butt instead of her fatness like they do with Kim Kardaskank. At least she does not have the big wide hips like fatso Kim Kardaskank. Jessica would look better if she wore flattering clothes for her current body type.

  33. saffie

    Excessive boozing and eating all that Texas lard laden deep fried food….the Anna Nicole Smith syndrome.

  34. e

    I’m in shock by how much this girl yo-yos in weight.

  35. Ein

    Looks like an old hooker from the 80s.

  36. Megan

    Fat Americans stick up for other fat Americans. Jessica lose the 10 pounds and look hot again. There is no excuse to become a porker like Kim Kardashian. Please do not wait until you are 60 pounds overweight like Kim Kardashian to take action on your health and looks.

  37. Jessica go vegetarian or pescatarian (fish and no meat) and lose the weight! Red meat stays in the body for 1-3 days and it is very hard to digest and causes weight gain.

  38. Sam

    It’s all Tony Romo’s fault. He told her he has fantasies about getting ready to take a snap from center and then “going deep…before the ball is even hiked.” She’s a simple girl so she figured she should eat a lot and bend over.

  39. TheJoker07

    WTF? wasn’t there pics of her looking good like 2 weeks ago?

  40. Must be kidding...

    I looked over some of the posts and actually saw some idiots saying she looks “healthy.” First of all…Jessica Simpson has never been close to being too thin. There WAS a time when she was at a healthy weight and looked great. I realize all of the fat people in this country have resulted in a distorted view on what is healthy for many…but Jessica is DEFINITELY medically overweight. Sure she looks “normal” but normal in the United States is overweight. Normal is no longer healthy. 2/3 of adults are overweight or obese. THIS is the problem. There are over 2500 times as many overweight/obese women as there are anorexic women. Would the fat people please shut the fuck up about anorexia? IT’S BARELY EVEN AN ISSUE when compared to the obesity epidemic. Why do so many people think there is nothing wrong with being overweight and anyone who thinks otherwise is an insensitive jerk? Go to a gym a few times/week and make an EFFORT to eat a little healthier. You’ll look better, feel better about yourself, and live a better life. I fail to see how wanting this for everyone makes me a terrible person.

  41. pistola

    dear megan @ #136…

    i don’t like kim kardashian, but to be fair– she looks better than jessica simpson at the moment.

  42. Michael


  43. Seriously, the bitch is fat. I’m sick of reading all these “she’s not fat compared to your average American girl” shit. SHE’S NOT YOUR AVERAGE AMERICAN GIRL, YOU DIPSHITS, SHE’S JESSICA FUCKING SIMPSON. She’s famous because she was cute and stupid on TV. She’s paid to maintain an image, it’s part of her job, and she’s paid millions upon millions to do it. You fucktards would loose your shitty job at Applebee’s if you showed up to work dressed in the wrong uniform, so why shouldn’t she catch hell for doing the same? Fat and hideous is not part of her uniform. Newlyweds wouldn’t even have made it on air if the bitch would have looked like this then, and she definitely wouldn’t have played Daisy Duke, and that’s all anybody recognizes her for because she can’t sing worth a shit. The average American woman is overweight, and this is why we pay our celebrities a great deal to be our ideal. She’s rich and still doesn’t have to pay for shit, leads a pro football player around by his nutsack, and has access to the best personal trainers and chefs in the world. The least this ungrateful bitch can do is put down the godamned cheez-whiz. Fuck.

  44. Steve

    Just a little fatter and a little louder and more retarded, and you’ve got the prototypical white girl who hooks up with black guys. Looks like after John Mayer and Tony Romo, Jessica is desperate for a sensation of fullness.

  45. dontworryaboutit


    i was just reading your comments and thinking … it must be nice to be so perfect. i’m sure alla y’all 1. could “get” jessica simpson if you wanted her b.c. 2. you’re all very thin and good looking … OBVIOUSLY …

    as far as her talent — have you ever heard her sing??? she’s about a billion times better than a lot of the girls out there. but i’m sure that as well as being very thin and very good looking — you’re all also very talented singers.

  46. sense of humor

    #145 – please purchase one of me.

  47. Jesuz!!!

    Wow, she really shot up on weight quickly, I know getting fat is bad for you but getting fat in a couple week period has to be horrible. She had to be eating like 2 gallons of icecream a day on top of a 20 sack of white castle sliders well having her cabana boy come to her room to deliver her food before devouring him to have shot up in weight that fast. Jesuz oh mighty!!

  48. ph7

    She looks like every other white trash hillbilly you might meet at a Chili cook-off: dumb, over bleached, Wal-mart style, and built like a farmyard animal.

  49. Mr. Blackwell's Ghost

    Jessie darling, where did you find those pants? You’ve never been famous for making great choices, but this is the Iraq war of fashion. (and your triceps are looking like the quagmire!)

  50. Fat Chicks Suck

    Krys: Exactly – that’s the craziest part. Like I said earlier, 75% of her career is looking good and staying in shape. She has the money for trainers and chefs so she doesn’t have to even put any thought into living a healthy life and staying in shape.

    My theory is that she received a contract from some weight-loss company and part of the requirement is to pack on weight and look terrible initially…so that she can lose the weight, start putting effort into looking good again, and credit them in return for piles of cash. There really is no other possible explanation unless she actually is pregnant or there are some medical issues.

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