Jessica Simpson wants to turn her vagina into a clown car
Worried about the country’s imminent financial collapse? Here’s something to take your mind off of it–and make you much more fearful about the future. Ok! Magazine reports:
Tony Romo better rest up, because Jessica Simpson doesn’t just want a child – she wants six of them!
“I’d love six kids running around, but I guess I’ll have to start pretty soon,” the “Do You Know” artist told Australia’s Daily Telegraph.
It’s a tough call on how to feel about this. On one hand, Jessica Simpson’s breast genes would live on in future generations. On the other hand, so would the rest of her genes. And any child of Jessica Simpson’s probably wouldn’t be able to find the birth canal and would be doomed to an existence of wandering around her womb, bumping its head against her uterus, which probably wouldn’t be healthy for either of them. Before she makes any rash decisions, maybe she should consult one of the many parenting books available, such as the highly regarded classic, Dr. Spock’s Guide to Why He Will Come Back From the Grave and Personally Sterilize Jessica Simpson if She Ever Decides to Reproduce.