Jessica Simpson wants to turn her vagina into a clown car

October 14th, 2008 // 43 Comments

Worried about the country’s imminent financial collapse? Here’s something to take your mind off of it–and make you much more fearful about the future. Ok! Magazine reports:

Tony Romo better rest up, because Jessica Simpson doesn’t just want a child – she wants six of them!
“I’d love six kids running around, but I guess I’ll have to start pretty soon,” the “Do You Know” artist told Australia’s Daily Telegraph.

It’s a tough call on how to feel about this. On one hand, Jessica Simpson’s breast genes would live on in future generations. On the other hand, so would the rest of her genes. And any child of Jessica Simpson’s probably wouldn’t be able to find the birth canal and would be doomed to an existence of wandering around her womb, bumping its head against her uterus, which probably wouldn’t be healthy for either of them. Before she makes any rash decisions, maybe she should consult one of the many parenting books available, such as the highly regarded classic, Dr. Spock’s Guide to Why He Will Come Back From the Grave and Personally Sterilize Jessica Simpson if She Ever Decides to Reproduce.

Photos: WENN

  1. CaptainGONZO

    I’ll knock you up Jessica. I’ve done it before and make great babies. Call me


  2. latin@s

    okay, i just don’t understand, y’all please help me out,,, kay, when she was married to nick she always said she’d have kids some day, well back when they were married she was such as vapid person, she cared more about looking good than starting a family, cuz y’all know back then she though she was so hot…..

    but ain’t life a bitch, cuz when she divorced nick, she got fat, and her career went down hill,, being so desperate to date a whore like jhon mayer just to get laid,,, pathetic, so kay funnee cuz ashlee now gets knocked up and marriedm and jessica is like hey i wanna husband and a kid too… jealous much???

    any ways now she and tony are engaged and she now wants kids and the fairy tale, cuz she is an attention whore!!!! jessica had it all with nick, problem was she was too stupid and superfical to appreciate it,, now her fat ass wants a family and a famous husband,,,,

    and i think if she gets pregnant her fat ass will blow up and tony will leave her,,,, and there you have it the truth!!!!!!!!!!!!1

  3. latin@s

    bitch please!

  4. I'll be nice

    She’s gettin’ the droopy Britney eyes…oooohh! Better watch out!

  5. DRT

    Run Tony, RUN…

    (Pappa Joe hiding in closet with a turkey baster and bottle of chloroform)

  6. After feeding six kids those things are going to be swinging at her knees along with her blown out vag

  7. Dura

    I’ve got a batch of baby batter for her ass.

  8. Becky

    2, Nick always cheated on Jessica. That’s why she left the marriage and got fat.

  9. SIN

    True redneck. Wants to start popping out retarded kids.

  10. simplicity

    this was worth posting about?

  11. simplicity

    this was worth posting about?

  12. Putz Balzac

    She’s already starting to look like Britney

  13. Ryan the Canadian

    I agree with the double clicker (11 + 12). There is not enough going on here to support a post. I ALMOST would rather have the 2 banished douchebags serving tacos than this pointless nonsense…..or a pic of me naked that everyone could make fun of. It may be short but it sure is skinny…….

  14. I don’t know but I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t call implants good genes, just wanted to put that out there.

  15. 1moreidiotintheworld

    She looks like she has that “if ever a thought would enter her empty blonde head it would die of loneliness” look… Shit I feel truly sorry for any offspring that would pop out of her…..

  16. Satan

    Too much surgery. What did she do to her nose and lips?


  18. toolboy

    Doesn’t it figure?? I just washed a million little kids down the toilet this morning.

  19. Well she’s gonna need something to do as her career finally, blissfully skids to a complete halt. But I fear for the children… Tony doesn’t really seem like the brightest bulb either.

  20. Kahlee

    I dont’ think the superficial writer who wrote this is the same superficial writer who wrote this

    Mariah, please don’t kill me with your piles of bigger-than-Elvis money. I owned your Unplugged album in the 90s. I swear! I even sing “Emotions” when I’m on the can in the employee restroom. Ask my co-worker Bill. He’ll vouch for me. Everyday I make him sit in the next stall and hit the high notes. I’m more of a baritone.

    I miss the funny one :(

  21. Black Dragon

    Everyone is hating on Serena but every seems to think this dumb, bug eyed, daddy humping, flat ass red neck bitch everyone thinks is hot. Look at that bitches face! she looks like a fucking ant. She will end up with six kids like all the rest of the trailer trash, but 3 of them will be her Dad’s

  22. Dragon Slayer

    Dumb ass negro. Serena is a muscular (are you gay?) thing and at least Jessica is lovely. You are an African primate and it is good you like your own kind. We like our own as well. Let is stay that way. Mellato kids are hideous.

  23. Arline

    Why is her mouth always slightly ajar-gaping?

  24. havoc

    I heard her vagina smells like fish…or is it chicken?


  25. Yank and Wank - they rhyme for a reason

    Her breast gene? What thick fuckwit wrote this? they are FAKE for fuckssake.

  26. Spanky

    Those are going to be some stupid kids . A blonde and a Cowboys quarterback. Just the Cowboys quarterback is bad enough.

  27. Tough Tony

    She has the same look that a cow has when staring at the grass

  28. supersex

    i’d hit that piece of trash.

  29. Why does she look so sad? Don’t cry Forrest, don’t cry!

  30. @4, 13 – You know, I did think it was a drunk Britney when I first scrolled down the page.

  31. Glen Quagmire

    Damn, I would totally wreck that ho , doggystyle-make them big ol’ ti-tays swing n the breeze, and best of all, I wouldn’t need a condom because I already spilled my seed in her big ass

  32. sameshitdifferentyear


    Bored shitless.

  33. 1 MILF Hunter

    Romo broke his pinkie finger banging her.

  34. Jamie's Uterus

    I bet she gives a good blow job with those trout lips – thoughts?

  35. Parker

    If she wants kids she better not marry me. I’d only fuck her in the ass day after day after day. Every time I’d say, let’s do it, she’d bend over and spread her cheeks. Like one of Pavlov’s dogs. Except instead of salivating she’d get buttfucked. Got to admit I’m a little surprised her dad hasn’t knocked her up yet though. You know he wants to.

  36. A Real Man (aka misogynist)

    JU wrote-I bet she gives a good blow job with those trout lips – thoughts? Followed by Parker-I’d only fuck her in the ass day after day after day. My sentiments exactly! I would spear her in the ass and make her oink like a pig while I reamed out that hole, then I would fuck that mouth balls-deep until she puked-then I would just keep thrusting away. That fucking whore

  37. Filthy woman hating savage

    Sodomy only for this cunt. Of course I would ram it in her nasty twat just to give her an infection now and then. Yeah I like the clean off the shit from my cock with your balloon lips idea too my brother in hate.
    I really do hate women. But I love their bodies though. I mean I would be happy with an android. Get me a beer bitch. Yes sir. Cook for me whore. Yes love. On your belly slut. OOoooooh yes master. I would fuck her and then make her go into her tiny room until I needed something. Then and only then would her life have purpose.

    Fucking bitches. Just saying.

  38. Black Dragon

    hey Dragon slayer learn how to read before you answer something bitch.

  39. Black Dragon

    hey Dragon slayer learn how to read before you answer something bitch.

  40. Dragon Slayer (in white armor now)

    Are you challenging me son? I read your illiterate scribblings and responded. If you want more I will gladly kick your ass here. Let’s go, slut (anus in a state of perpetual dilation caused by violent homosexual activity).

    Now be a good dumb boy and answer your Massah.

  41. Parker

    uh oh, I don’t want to be lumped in with the women haters here. I actually adore women. It just happens I only have anal sex with them. Not out of hate or anything just an overwhelming distaste for pussy. I think Jessica is beautiful. Not very bright but who cares? She’s got a great ass.

  42. Allie Hampton

    She looks just like Britney in this pic!

    Dead -assed stare? Check!
    Hair extensions showing? check
    Brown roots showing (Ken! Help your “BFF!”) check check check!

    I remember when she honestly used to be pretty (on “Newlyweds”) with no makeup on, and her hair in a ponytail. Something is really messed up with this girl.

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