reports Jessica Simpson is jealous of all the celebrities with babies and says she wants one of her own. She says what’s getting her ready for motherhood are her dogs and that they’re putting her into the maternal caregiving mode.
Gorgeous Jessica, who’d have no trouble with volunteers to make a baby in the old-fashioned way, says she’ll first adopt.
There’s no way somebody would give Jessica Simpson a baby. At least not a human one. The inside of a shark’s mouth would make a better parent. Probably score higher on the SAT’s too.
BarbadoSlim | March 14, 2007 at 10:31 am
Best idea since going to Iraq to search for “weapons of mass destruction”
HerpesHilton | March 14, 2007 at 10:32 am
She knows she has to feed babies every now and then, right?
bexybeans | March 14, 2007 at 10:33 am
i don’t think she’d be a bad mother. she may be a little ditzy, but she’s not a drunk cracked out whore who runs around pantyless and marries white trash assholes. she’d make a fine mother.
BarbadoSlim | March 14, 2007 at 10:38 am
If it’s a girl Big Grandpa Joe will be babysitting her all the time, reading to her, bathing her, putting baby powder on her, dipping her in Johnson&Johnson baby oil, rubbing her down with Chub’s Wipes etc…
You know, normal, wholesome grandfatherly stuff.
rrd | March 14, 2007 at 10:38 am
she thinks it’s going to make her a member of the elite in Hollywood
schack | March 14, 2007 at 10:39 am
better than BAD ain’t necessarily GOOD, or even fine- it could just still be bad
jrzmommy | March 14, 2007 at 10:40 am
They could start her off with a black one and then if she does ok, upgrade to a human one.
danielle | March 14, 2007 at 10:42 am
Hmmmmmm.
Considering the fact that she’s already confused ‘Chicken of the Sea’ with actual “chicken”……she’d probably mistake her adopted baby for one of her dogs and “accidently” chain it to a fence when it cries.
ponk | March 14, 2007 at 10:44 am
typical celebutard. when your looks go to shit, accessorize with the latest trend.
FRIST!!! | March 14, 2007 at 10:50 am
Hmmmmm…..
John Mayer is impotent?
She’s too vain to risk stretch marks?
She wants to change her name to Madonna Jolie?
She’s infertile due to chlamydia?
She’s an idiot?
Yeah….the last one.
danielle | March 14, 2007 at 10:53 am
I smell a troll at 7…..or maybe not.
Your mother really should’ve gone through with that that last minute abortion…..
Italian Stallion | March 14, 2007 at 10:58 am
I wonder when she’s gonna shave her head?
Fifth Stooge | March 14, 2007 at 10:59 am
Yet another ploy to try to resuscitate her spiraling into the abyss career.
^Jenna^ | March 14, 2007 at 11:00 am
Lol, #2. Babies are the new cool thing to get. You know, extensions, fake nails, implants, and a baby… Plus the baby from Cambodia or smth will be sooo much cheaper then her hair and make-up. So it’s good management of finanances all the way.
elizabeththewellread | March 14, 2007 at 11:00 am
If you were that butt-chinned lantern-jawed horse-toothed cow, would you risk passing on your genes? C’mon!
MassGrrl | March 14, 2007 at 11:07 am
She’s actually not an idiot. I know people who know her, and she’s pretty sweet, nurturing, and down to earth. She’d probably be really good to her kids. And actually parent them, unlike other celebs with their latest designer accessories. Er, babies.
Italian Stallion | March 14, 2007 at 11:09 am
@16 good, when they find the baby in the microwave, YOU can explain to the cops what happened………..
D'arcy | March 14, 2007 at 11:13 am
Jessica would kill the baby in two days of having it; she’d probably wring its neck like a chicken, gut it, and set it in the oven, thinking it was a country roast. And then she’d go to jail for infanticide and be screwed silly in every orifice by hungry muscular dykes named Big Bertha and Rowdy Rhonda.
And then I would cry and open another can of beer.
whitegold | March 14, 2007 at 11:16 am
Poor Jessica, doesn’t she seem like one of those people that was just always trying to catch up with the trends, but never really leading them, always kind of on the outside looking in, trying to be cool. She never caught on in the pop princess fad, joined it too late, she did the buxom blonde thing when everyone else was going for a harder look, then she switches her look when everyone else is starting to go back to the pretty girl look. She got in on the dumb little “toy dog” fad after everyone else already had their dogs. She just seems to try so hard to be part of the in crowd, but can’t quite make it ever. And now she’s trying to jump on the baby adoption bandwagon. Just so pathetic for the poor girl.
Carsten5577 | March 14, 2007 at 11:18 am
The bubblehead bimbo should “adopt” a house pet first. Let’s see how she does with a dog or cat. Adoption is indeed the new bling in Hollywood.
CarnieWilson | March 14, 2007 at 11:20 am
she’s probably thinking “maybe I should get me one a them brown babies from cambodia, or africa, they’re so lil I wouldn’t have to feed ‘em much”
CarnieWilson | March 14, 2007 at 11:20 am
she’s probably thinking “maybe I should get me one a them brown babies from cambodia, or africa, they’re so lil I wouldn’t have to feed’em…much”
ImaCracka | March 14, 2007 at 11:34 am
I volunteer to help her practice the breast feeding part!!!!!!
sabrina is awesome | March 14, 2007 at 11:43 am
maybe she’d be a good mom.. who knows. she hasnt done anything crazy or stupid lately. she’d have to be a better mom than some people
daylin | March 14, 2007 at 11:43 am
I’m with #23. She can adopt both of us to pratice breast feeding on! I love milk!
FINALLY GOD LOVES ME!
Budafudawuda | March 14, 2007 at 11:57 am
Well, if Britney can have ‘em, I suppose Jessica can too.
At the very least, years from now, Simpson’s kids can say they’re from a different gene pool … which will be particularly apparent if they’re from, you know, Ghana.
Lowlands | March 14, 2007 at 2:10 pm
They should change the regulations for adoptive parents to higher standards.For example,instead of the $25.000 a year it should be raised to $2500.000.000 a year.
Hemlock Queen | March 14, 2007 at 2:16 pm
Wait, she could get a monkey to try out her momma skills on, right? I mean, Joe wouldn’t be as jealous but that’s a good thing. I say, try the monkey first.
mythosmint | March 14, 2007 at 2:42 pm
for god’s sake please don’t let her adobt a baby. please.
neo_maxie_zoom_dweebie | March 14, 2007 at 3:07 pm
#11 Hell, it clearly didn’t work for yo mama neither.
eliseb | March 14, 2007 at 3:24 pm
if she did adopt, at least then we’d have someone else besides britney to trash for being a bad mother.
i know…a bit late on that one.
urockmysocks | March 14, 2007 at 3:33 pm
she may not be a crack head or alcoholic, but this girl got to be the dumbest person in the world to believes that dogs are accessories. her dog lives in her closet by the way.
here’s the proof:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYOmBpo-ilQ
pana1718 | March 14, 2007 at 4:20 pm
ETF? PLEEEEAASE! THE BABY IS GOING TO END UP TAKING CARE OF HER ASS! THATS HOW STUPID SHE IS!
pana1718 | March 14, 2007 at 4:24 pm
DAMN IF HER DOG LIVES IN HER CLOSET THEN IMAGINE WHERE THE FUCKIN BABY IS GOING TO END UP… IN A TRASH CAN? SHE MIGHT THINK THEY’RE RECYCLABLE!
pana1718 | March 14, 2007 at 4:25 pm
SHE MIGHT WEAR THE BABY AROUND HER NECK WHEN IS COLD!
pana1718 | March 14, 2007 at 4:26 pm
SHE MIGHT END UP COOKING THE BABY BECAUSE SHE IS TO STUPID TO SEE THE DEFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TURKEY AND THE FUCKIN CHILD!
neo_maxie_zoom_dweebie | March 14, 2007 at 4:41 pm
#33-36 pana1718 – look at your keyboard. See the CAPS LOCK button right above SHIFT? Hit that fucker. If you can’t, then STFU, I don’t much care which.
neo_maxie_zoom_dweebie | March 14, 2007 at 4:44 pm
I lied. Just STFU, you’re not funny.
Lowlands | March 14, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Just look for your xanax…
Lowlands | March 14, 2007 at 4:57 pm
Just kidding,i even don’t know what xanax is.What kind of vitamins does it contain?
penisonhighalert | March 14, 2007 at 5:20 pm
That’s actually just mean.
EvilEm | March 14, 2007 at 5:32 pm
I can only imagine all the wisdom she would bestow upon a child!
halfafrog | March 14, 2007 at 6:14 pm
Have you seen her BF? Can you imagine his huge planetoid like head sitting on her body? The kid would be uglier than Papa Joe, and thats FUGLY!!!
Ted...From LA | March 14, 2007 at 6:39 pm
Dear Jessica,
Please feed the baby after:
1. The Price is Right
2. The Young and the Restless
3. Dr. Phil
4. American Idol
5. Nightline
I’m just shittin’ you about Nightline Jessica.
xeurohottiex | March 14, 2007 at 7:54 pm
Good idea not to give birth herself you know that baby would look like a mini troll.
nidge | March 14, 2007 at 8:11 pm
I like dogs, but y’know, there’s no way they prepare you for raising a child.
Most dogs are all about unconditional love for their owner. You feed `em; take `em for walk regularly, and give `em regular attention, and you basically become their hero, if not their effective dog-god.
Kids — babies, particularly — are about need. They need stuff from you 24/7 until they reach a certain age. Sure they can love you, but they need an awful lot from you too.
I don’t hate Jessica Simpson as some will, but if she thinks owning a dog somehow prepares you for parenthood, then she’s not ready.
Carsten5577 | March 14, 2007 at 10:04 pm
I just hope that she adopts a negro first, in case she screws up it will just be one stupid and violent criminal less to terrorize our neighborhoods.
Hortense | March 15, 2007 at 3:28 am
OMG now this is funny, she was fixing a sandwich with a pot holder on, I mean what the hell is she going to do when she changes the babby’s pamper, use a bulldozer?
Ljutefisk | March 15, 2007 at 5:25 am
Owning a dog is a BIG responsibility. I think she should opt for the baby instead.
jrzmommy | March 15, 2007 at 6:49 am
nope, DanYELL, your olfactory senses didn’t deceive you….that was indeed troll you smelled.