Jessica Simpson to become theology scholar (And other news stuff)

December 5th, 2008 // 40 Comments

The Superficial News to get you through your Friday. Can anyone else almost taste that liquor? Oh, right, I filled my coffee mug with bourbon. (Tastes like happy.):

- Jessica Simpson wants to major in religion after seeing a documentary on “The Da Vinci Code.” For the love of God, why is nobody making this woman watch documentaries on Jenna Jameson?! [The Sun]

- A-Rod says he’s only friends with Madonna and “that’s it.” This is the only celebrity denial I’ll believe based solely on the fact there are vampire bats in Madonna’s vagina. [People]

- Heath Ledger’s final resting place is having a hard time finding tenants. Locals say it’s haunted by two skeletons in fur coats who can make things “look like an accident.” [Page Six]

- Tea Leoni and David Duchovny are back together. He’s agreed to give up Internet porn while she’s agreed to stop making him have sex on a towel even though they just got this comforter, dammit. [Star]

Photos: WENN
superficial

  1. poobs

    Would SO love to nut on Jess’s duck lips!

  2. aC23

    First bitches

  3. poobs

    Fuck it, I’d also like to punch her in the neck, kick her in the back and piss on her face. That’s what we call the hat-trick bitches!!

    But seriously I want to give her a nut shower…

  4. Bob

    What is going on with Tea Leoni… She is looking bad…

    http://internetmiscellanea.blogspot.com/

  5. poobs

    Fuck it, I’d also like to punch her in the neck, kick her in the back and piss on her face. That’s what we call the hat-trick bitches!!

    But seriously I want to give her a nut shower…

  6. poobs

    Fuck it, I’d also like to punch her in the neck, kick her in the back and piss on her face. That’s what we call the hat-trick bitches!!

    But seriously I want to give her a nut shower…

  7. Hecubus

    So the official list goes …

    Pop ‘singer’ > Reality TV star > Country ‘singer’ > Theology scholar.

    That sounds about right.

  8. andrea

    Nice dress, Jessica. I love those trashbags that have the flaps that stick out so you can tie it together without using a twist-tie.

  9. You are going to need to cut the legs off your jeans to take that wide of a stance. They will ride up, but they won’t stop you from doing what you need to do.

  10. Mike Hawk

    she looks like she’d be a terrible lay. (Tea)

  11. havoc

    “Locals say it’s haunted by two skeletons in fur coats who can make things “look like an accident.”

    Yeah, that would be the Olsen twins……

    .

  12. Now i see why youre on my E-willy all the time Backwood boy, you have zero personality!!!! you are corny squared!!!!!!!

  13. Lola

    They should lock this dumb bitch up in the same cell as OJ…. 2 minutes later, the crime-scene of Nicole would be re-created. Cuz you know, they’re both blonde and white… HA

    Bad joke… But fuck Jess Simpson and her fat retarded ass

  14. HuckyDucky

    Heath Ledger’s final resting place is having a hard time finding tenants. Locals say it’s haunted by two skeletons in fur coats who can make things “look like an accident.”

    HAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!! HILARIOUS!!!

  15. guy from the last story

    What, non-criminal “news” only happens to white people? You’re all racists!

  16. Kerry Vaughn

    man i can whip up some bad @ss stir fry

  17. haha i see, i was on jethro’s mind this morning from pattinson vs metcalf post!!!

  18. lulu

    tea is high on somethin! look at those bloodshot eyes!

  19. that guy is so involved with me, he created his own demented gay scenario, then to top it all off, he answered with a rough/cloned nickname! are you tracking where i live too backwood boy?

  20. meeeee

    Where’s the real Superficial Writer? I haven’t had a laugh all day. I could write drivel funnier than whoever is writing this stuff. See, made ya laugh!

  21. Hecubus nailed it.

  22. billy bob

    wtf is with these gay new group postings with nothing funny?

  23. tim

    At first I saw Heath’s expression and thought “wtf???” but then I remembered the position he died in.

  24. Parker

    When she bends over to take communion I will buttfuck her. When she bends over to kiss the pope’s hand, I’ll be there to buttfuck her.

    Basically, whatever she does, if she does it bent over at the waist, I’ll be ready to squeeze my cock into her pillowy soft ass.

  25. Corny squared? Have you been hiding in your log cabin too long douchie?

  26. Freak on the Internet

    If you look closely at Tia’s mouth one gets the impression that she’d be far more likely to nibble on your dick than actually suck on it. Much like a squirrel on an acorn.

  27. Bosh

    Wow, Tea starves herself, dyes her hair blonde, and has fake tits.
    What a novel idea in Hollywood.

  28. “Log cabin” “douchie” this must be the 20th time ive seen type these! you know? calling you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!!! i dont know why i waste my time with you….ohhh its fun!!!

  29. dew

    This blog *****FINALLY***** fixes the rss feed, and now you’re combining FOUR stories into one post.
    WTF?!

  30. Oh look backwood boy have some pussy in his link! knowing cletus over here, he probably had intercourse with them then stick em in the microwave,,,,that link is his memorial….

  31. sober

    After seeing the FUCKING DA VINCI CODE? All that movie made me want is to kill Dan Brown and to a lesser extent Tom Hanks.

  32. ahh be bebegim ne tatlisin sen

  33. We can’t require more of this DUMBIE, folks!!

  34. TommyP

    She does realize that the school of theology isn’t going to teach her how to create wierd number stuff from scripture and famous paintings?

    Oh, it’s Jessica Simpson – never mind.

  35. everyone line up

    everyone line up to butt fuck this bitch

  36. patricia

    is madonna wearing orthopedic shoes? why doesnt she see how weird she has beome.

  37. From the thumbnail I totally thought that pic of Madonna was Dee Snyder from a Twisted Sister show.

  38. boomer~~

    ******* BOOMERFLIRTING.COM **********

    I meet her at this site some days ago, she is looking for a senior dating~

    That is great ? Is it? Who can tell me if she is single or not??
    I am wondering!!

  39. godless genius

    LMAO! Theology and scholar do not belong in the same sentence no matter how much crapoganda, and how many lies, the church ladies come up with.

  40. godless genius

    Jesus formed the GLBT support group for his own benefit.

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