Jessica Simpson should never do this again

May 10th, 2009 // 114 Comments

Here’s Jessica Simpson performing in San Antonio last night, and who the hell is her choreographer? There’s no nudity, so it can’t be Joe Simpson. But whoever it is, the only stage direction they seem to be giving is “Make sure you look 10-15 pounds heavier, and if you could flash a little gut, icing on the cake.” Then again, that conversation could turn ugly once it’s revealed the cake is metaphorical. If there’s one thing Jessica Simpson hates, it’s metaphorical food. And dieting.


  1. meh

    i cant believe no one has said anything about pic #9… 3rd row, 1st pic. her mouth is doing something magical to the mic…

  2. pdt

    Nasty ho, no talent hack. she is gross and makes stupid facial expressions all the time. She should get her ged and go away

  3. kingo

    i want to eat jessica’s pussy

  4. yeh right

    nice gut………..i’m willing to bet she’s the worst fuck since paris “answering my cellphone while getting fucked by a big dick” hilton, horrendous……….seriously, how do her various male partners deal with her dumb as a fucking rock personality ?

  5. whomever

    For some reason, looking at pic #9 all I can think is “Eustace?? EUSTACE? DID YOU PICK UP THE DRY CLEANING?”

  6. Bo

    the red lighting makes her look like she got a skin disease

  7. whomever

    For some reason, looking at pic #9 all I can think is “Eustace?? EUSTACE? DID YOU PICK UP THE DRY CLEANING?”

  8. whomever

    Sorry for the double post, fucking computer.

  9. rarito

    pic 15 looks way better than other ones so she’s not so fat it’s only a problem of dressing well!

  10. Teena

    It’s just a really bad angle combined with an unflattering outfit. The girl is GORGEOUS and most people aren’t as fit as her. If she were the girl next door, people would be lusting over her and calling her flawless. Her stomach looks big in that one picture but it’s obviously pushed forward from that unfortunate dance move. She’s not fat; she’s hot!!

  11. antibarby

    gee i thought carny wilson went blonde

  12. ButtPatrol

    Well, I agree that the belly could be camouflaged a lot better if it weren’t on display in these lousy, no pizzaz clothes. My eyes immediately went, however, to the butt, which was SO on display during the “Dukes of Hazzard” days a few years back. If you recall, there was ALOT of flap back then about that booty not being hers, and alot of “before/after” photos to prove it. Well, I have to tell you that THIS picture only proves it, yet again, that the “Daisy Duke” butt in that car wash scene was NOT hers . . . it was padding, and I DON’T mean her own! Funny how these celebrities just CANNOT admit how fake they really are. It sure does make us everyday girls feel alot better, although she’s certainly still pretty and overall physically fit. Let’s hope her wardrobe gets that way, too!

  13. SlickWilley

    I like her second chin. Kind of makes her look like the lady at Fat Boy Burgers.

  14. If he lived next door to me, and she was not Jessica Simpson, stroking it while I look through the curtain on my Johnson want to spend the day. By everyday standards damn it’s beautiful! Well, she is a cow by Hollywood standards, but what the hell?

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