Here’s Jessica Simpson performing in San Antonio last night, and who the hell is her choreographer? There’s no nudity, so it can’t be Joe Simpson. But whoever it is, the only stage direction they seem to be giving is “Make sure you look 10-15 pounds heavier, and if you could flash a little gut, icing on the cake.” Then again, that conversation could turn ugly once it’s revealed the cake is metaphorical. If there’s one thing Jessica Simpson hates, it’s metaphorical food. And dieting.
Photos: Pacific Coast News
mike | May 10, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Not that bad!
pimp my dick | May 10, 2009 at 6:07 pm
omg first!!! this week its gonna be great!!! she sucks!!
Charley Kane | May 10, 2009 at 6:11 pm
What’s with the red lower legs? Has she been stomping grapes?
lambman | May 10, 2009 at 6:11 pm
she has a good, sexy boddy. but a retarded monkey could get dressed in the dark and come out with a more flattering outfit
Andy | May 10, 2009 at 6:16 pm
@2 your gay get over it
i would still do her
Pam | May 10, 2009 at 6:18 pm
ewww shes so fat.
justifiable | May 10, 2009 at 6:22 pm
#5 Andy, if you’d do her that doesn’t prove you’re straight. It means you have a fetish for my grandma’s sofa cushions.
Get Happy and Stay That Way! | May 10, 2009 at 6:24 pm
She’s great.
GaGa | May 10, 2009 at 6:26 pm
She needs to give up the daisy dukes already. A nice pantsuit or dress would be much more flattering for her figure.
annika | May 10, 2009 at 6:36 pm
#7 Is that the vest thing that’s hanging down? it’s like a bad home-ec recycling project and it looks like ass. I can’t get over the too short platforms with her toes poking out over the edge. She has NOOOOO taste!
Michelle | May 10, 2009 at 6:44 pm
She still looks WAY better than most people I come across on any given day. Lovely Legs!!!!
hmm | May 10, 2009 at 6:53 pm
just look at her belly!!! shes pregnant !!!
Miss Brown Eyes | May 10, 2009 at 7:09 pm
#12 — you called it! Pics #1 & #2 have the emerging pregnancy curve shadow….
sin | May 10, 2009 at 7:16 pm
OH.. the red on her legs is from a fucked up spot light system. She really needs to shut up and get naked.
Boogeyman King Dong | May 10, 2009 at 7:19 pm
You can actually see on some of these pics here that she loves that warm and moist feeling in her lower stomach.
Potty Girl | May 10, 2009 at 7:19 pm
People shouldn’t put her down just because she’s getting obese with age.
blah | May 10, 2009 at 7:20 pm
I don’t get it. She’s so capable of looking gorgeous, and yet it looks like she’s going out of her way to make herself look fat & dumpy. She truly does have an awful sense of fashion. Ugh
ROUGH-ism | May 10, 2009 at 7:22 pm
Oh for Christ sake what is that? That top pic is so unflattering, Pretty soon we wont be able to make the distinction between Daisy Duke and LULU….
Fati | May 10, 2009 at 7:31 pm
She’s lost it. Desperado.
antihero | May 10, 2009 at 7:35 pm
Why the fuck is every other word in these posts double underlined? KNOCK IT THE FUCK OFF, FISH!!
casualencounters.com/blog/ | May 10, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Looks like a spastic duck.
Meg | May 10, 2009 at 7:53 pm
She’s very attractive and fairly talented… What she needs to do is fire EVERYONE and start with a new staff! Britney Spears looks better!!!
dave | May 10, 2009 at 8:21 pm
MAN LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!
She doesn’t quite have Beyonce beat, but almost. Take away her square hips, pregnant gut, and man legs she’d be hot!!
Oh well…
dave | May 10, 2009 at 8:21 pm
MAN LEGS!!!!!!!!!!!
She doesn’t quite have Beyonce beat, but almost. Take away her square hips, pregnant gut, and man legs she’d be hot!!
Oh well…
Nick | May 10, 2009 at 8:31 pm
Fugly man face, looks like a total retard in these pics. Just zero sex appeal.
saviana | May 10, 2009 at 8:48 pm
#20 It’s called in-text advertising, but way to take your anger about it to a whole new level.
Compared to normal people, she looks good — then again, normal people don’t wear daisy dukes if they could stand to lose a few. She needs a reality check.
Jojo | May 10, 2009 at 9:04 pm
It looks like she’s just parodying her parody in the Eminem music video.
lola | May 10, 2009 at 9:07 pm
she is cute. A little bit too old to be wearing that
Carolyn | May 10, 2009 at 9:57 pm
I want to beat her with those shoes.
Pilatunes | May 10, 2009 at 9:58 pm
She has diarrhea.
uggy | May 10, 2009 at 10:23 pm
is she preggo?
jen | May 10, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Two words describe Jessica. Sexy & gorgeous!!
Racer X | May 10, 2009 at 10:28 pm
I’d hit it so hard I’d need to use a sick day to keep it going the next day
Netstarman | May 10, 2009 at 10:33 pm
Cookies all day and cake all night makes you look like Jessica Simpson , Shake that GUT Jessica . If she keeps shaking like that she’ll get a belly button that has popped out. Then on cold days she can put a beer koozie on it to keep warm.
ha. ew | May 10, 2009 at 10:55 pm
Eww my eyes….
d-ster | May 10, 2009 at 10:56 pm
There’s nothing I wouldnt do to jessica! what a bod!
jm | May 10, 2009 at 11:05 pm
The photoshop crew at Vanity Fair is really skilled. They were able to make this pot bellied pig look human on last week’s cover.
flatazz | May 10, 2009 at 11:13 pm
someone please tell her she needs to lay off the daisy dukes already…jeez.
Kelsey | May 10, 2009 at 11:18 pm
Seeing as half of the women in this country are sadly busting out of their size 14/16 jeans I’d say Jessica’s looking pretty decent. Granted she’s put on a little weight but I’d take looking like this over looking like 75% of the women I see walking down the street everyday.
the obvious | May 10, 2009 at 11:33 pm
She’s obviously pregnant and hasn’t confirmed it with the press yet. Her shoe line is amazing. I will forever love her for her line of shoes if nothing else.
jinx | May 10, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Jessica is not the only woman in the world with a weight problem, but she is the only woman with a weight problem that I know of, that crams her lard into too small short shorts, flashes her blubbery belly, and props her stubby man legs up on ridiculous looking platform shoes and goes out on stage, hoping to be taken seriously as a singer.
She needs to cover up her figure flaws, not assault audiences with them. Is she trying to punish people for not buying her crappy album by forcing them to look at her lard?
jo | May 10, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Whatever it is, if it has Jessica Simpson’s name on it, I won’t buy it.
Funny | May 11, 2009 at 12:01 am
awesome
for more click on my name
Funny | May 11, 2009 at 12:09 am
awesome
for more click on my name
yo | May 11, 2009 at 12:30 am
flat as a board ass..ugly clothes, retarded facial expressions, uncoordinated..esp the first pic with the duck feet thing shes doin..double chin..shoes that dont fit…one redeeming quality, her face is still kinda cute. so if i could id say to her, dont try to dance EVER, grow your hair out a little more, stop with the streetwalker-redneck-grandma clothes and put on some jeans and a tight tee shirt. prob solved.
gerard vandenberg | May 11, 2009 at 12:45 am
She is still hesatating about a career as STAND UP-COMEDIAN, folks!!
Nazi | May 11, 2009 at 1:16 am
Pretty smokin’ in pic 6.
I’d tap it, minus the chin. The chin’s gotta go.
meme | May 11, 2009 at 1:18 am
That girl is preggers. She done knocked herself up.
Famous Plastic | May 11, 2009 at 2:29 am
Well, at least she actually sings in concert, unlike the rest of these pop-retards that cant sing a real note to save their lives. With that being said, Jessica needs to stop dressing like she’s 20lbs lighter then she is…
teddy | May 11, 2009 at 2:33 am
REAL GIRLS EAT MEAT? remember her shirt statement
well looks like that just hit her hard …karma is a bitch lol
vegetarian women are the sexiest, they don’t age nearly as bad or get soo sloppy fat fast unless they try to