Jessica Simpson says stuff, too

Seen here over the years/when she was retarded hot, Jessica Simpson appears in the latest issue of Allure where she might as well have answered each question with “I’m completely oblivious to everything around me and sometimes a man’s penis enters my vagina.” Or at least that’s how I read it:

On her weight:
“When I walk through an airport and people go, ‘You’re not fat!’ I’m like, ‘Thanks. Thanks. That’s great. Good to know I’m not fat today. Thank you!’ “My job is to be creative. And I’m not weighing in for anybody.”

On how she’ll date pretty much anybody:
“I definitely will marry an artistic man. It will show you the colors of my character, the person that I fall in love with next. I don’t even have a type! I don’t have a physical type. I have an emotional type. When you have yourself together, I don’t care what you look like at all. You can be tall; you can be short.”

On doing nudity:
“I don’t care how dark and intellectual the role could be, you know? I don’t care if I frickin’ get an Oscar for it, I’m not going to do it. Those accolades mean nothing to me….I don’t think people deserve to see what’s underneath my clothing. That’s only for my next husband–ha ha ha!”

On being herself:
“I don’t care if the cameras are on or not, you’re going to get the real me. There’s no reason to mask that, because that’s what has given me the chance to be in a powerful position.”

And that powerful position includes the ability to fart at will during business meetings. It’s amazing she’s not president.

Photos: Allure