Jessica Simpson regrets stuff
May 25th, 2006 // 124 Comments
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Courteney Cox's Shocking Confession About Her Sex Life – Huffington Post |
 Why Was This Celebrity Booed Off This Hit TV Show? – Fox News | |
| 50 Most Scandalous Cheerleaders in Sports History – Bleacher Report | |
| Skinny Star in a Bikini Talks About Being Anorexic – Evil Beet Gossip | |
| Sasha Grey keeps doing it for the kids. – TMZ | |
| Kate Middleton Steps Out On Her Own – Lainey Gossip |
Fugurself | May 25, 2006 at 10:03 am
I’ll fuck her anytime and feed her fast food.
Fugurself | May 25, 2006 at 10:04 am
Then again fucking Jessica is like winning the special olympics. Either way you look at it, you are retarded.
Geno | May 25, 2006 at 10:05 am
I’m sorry. All I can think of his her chest beneath that leather jacket. Boobies. I have the maturity of a 12 year old! Hooray!
http://catholictvguy.blogspot.com/
bevvie | May 25, 2006 at 10:05 am
i think she needs to never do red hair again… She’s a cute blond. try on line dating. plenty of fish there.
Gerald Tarrant | May 25, 2006 at 10:06 am
She should hold out for Tom Cock loving Cruise, I hear he’s about to be on the market again.
Either that or just go full blown lez, that would also be cool in my books.
pinky_nip | May 25, 2006 at 10:09 am
What is with the red spot on her chest? Looks like someone tried to push the tip of his dick into her chest.
IFuckingHateYou | May 25, 2006 at 10:10 am
Good, she’s wearing the jacket I sent her with the zippered pockets in the back. Now I’ll have a place to keep my smokes and lighter while I’m fucking her ass.
Spacedog | May 25, 2006 at 10:10 am
Incest does get kinda lonely after a while, Jess. Just you and your Dad, surrounded by family photos and adolescent trophies won and old fingerpaint portraits and that nursery rhyme CD he insists on playing, repeatedly while he does his thing, repeatedly.
Incest is isolating.
Ari | May 25, 2006 at 10:13 am
Pinky, I was wondering the same thing.
I don’t even have the words to express the annoyance I feel for this ridiculous bimbo. She’s one of my top five favorite celebs to bash.
Anyway, how could she be lonely when she’s got her dear old dad to keep her company? Creepy fuck.
snark | May 25, 2006 at 10:15 am
nice rack.
pinky_nip | May 25, 2006 at 10:16 am
not only does she have daddy, she’s got that goofy looking drug dealer standing with her in every shot we see of her lately.
I have such a desire to lock her up in a cage and throw food at her. I bet she’d start imitating a monkey within an hour.
Dr.Rokter | May 25, 2006 at 10:16 am
LOS ANGELES – Religious personality Jesus Christ recently made a rare personal appearance to Jessica Simpson, declaring her relationship with former somebody Nick Lachey, “a decent enough match”. Christ reportedly then relieved himself in Simpson’s kitchen sink and absconded with two pairs of panties from her laundry hamper. Simpson expressed “surprise” at his actions, as well as “astonishment” that Sudoku puzzles did not, in fact, use letters.
sharkbite | May 25, 2006 at 10:18 am
Aww, poor Jessica. Surely somebody wants to keep you company. All right, you’re right, we should be realistic.
http://www.wehateeverybody.com
leahdeadly | May 25, 2006 at 10:18 am
I hope they do get back together and that MTV does a show on it.
Also: did anyone read about how Julia Stiles got laxatives instead of asprin when filming the omen?
Zed | May 25, 2006 at 10:21 am
Hmmm, it’s not as if she’s saying she misses Nick in particular, it’s just that she feels alone, and lonely, and wants SOMEONE. She says “When I was with Nick, I had someone who understood what I was going through.
sweetcheeks | May 25, 2006 at 10:21 am
I wonder if she regrets boning Johnny Knoxville. Or using pink eyeshadow to blend her bangs into her wig. Or those spiral perm extensions she had when she first broke onto the scene. Or being born.
sweetcheeks | May 25, 2006 at 10:25 am
P.S. I DEEPLY regret ever watching the Nick and Jessica Variety Hour.
TaiTai | May 25, 2006 at 10:27 am
Hates being alone? When is she ever alone? That skinny hairdresser guy is always with her. I am sure she pays him plenty to be sympathetic.
Jacq | May 25, 2006 at 10:27 am
That fag hairstylist better quit running around with this girl with her hair looking like shit. Mine still looks better than hers after marathon sex.
I hope those are Princy jeans.
I’d probably express more public regret about having relations with my father at an early age, rather than dumping a perfectly nice guy.
Things that Ken has helped Jessica perfect:
use of the coke straw
wicked bong rips
her relationship with Xanax and vodka
how to NOT use a hairbrush
the mushroom tatoo on her chest (come on now, which one of you boys did that?)
PapaHotNuts | May 25, 2006 at 10:35 am
I can’t cure her loneliness, but I can definetly cure her not getting fucked every night. I have the medicine in my pants, and I’m writing prescriptions.
krisdylee | May 25, 2006 at 10:35 am
Hindsight is 20/20, hey Jess?
86 | May 25, 2006 at 10:40 am
No self respecting young woman, much less celebrity, should ever tell someone that they’re lonely and want someone at home who misses them. Get a puppy!!!!!! You can get laid by any man on the planet, enjoy that.
Nikk The Templar | May 25, 2006 at 10:42 am
I feel kind of bad for her.
I mean, even the mentally handicapped need companionship.
Italian Stallion | May 25, 2006 at 10:43 am
Is pro-active a depressant?
86 | May 25, 2006 at 10:44 am
Why are celebs who are suffering through break ups always with their hairdressers?
msdoormat | May 25, 2006 at 10:52 am
God they better not get back together. He is finally free of her ignorant ass and should move on to a normal chick with a brain.
purplepuppy | May 25, 2006 at 10:52 am
An elaborate flower and a dainty basket of cookies he can carry on his arm. Guys love that stuff right? That’s sure to get to come running back.
86 | May 25, 2006 at 10:58 am
Apart, BOTH OF THEM suffer painfully from mediocrity and they have had just enough time to see that simple fact. I’m sure their agents are the ones who want them to get back together, because without each other nobody gives a rats ass. Have you HEARD Lachey’s single? It reeks of boy band.
Italian Stallion | May 25, 2006 at 11:00 am
Maybe she should get a dog, I found one for her that looks like it could use some love….
http://www.thewbalchannel.com/news/9265787/detail.html
RichPort | May 25, 2006 at 11:01 am
I’d be happy to put a little sour cream on her taco if that’ll make her feel better. She puts on ugly faces when she sings, I hope that’s not the case in the sack. Maybe she should call Adam Levine back (if he hasn’t changed his number)
Sheva | May 25, 2006 at 11:02 am
Typical spoiled American girl bullshit.
Nick take the money and run.
What a twat.
Having said that, I’d hit it three times a day ever day.
And I know what she wants and needs.
cats069 | May 25, 2006 at 11:02 am
That red spot on her chest is Jessicabot’s power switch
pinky_nip | May 25, 2006 at 11:07 am
Hey, when i’m bored and lonely i go to the bar, pick up some dude and screw him. Then i realize, shit, will he just get the fuck out of here so I can be ALONE!
Slutty Slut.
Craig & "em" | May 25, 2006 at 11:09 am
How could LIPS like thoses ever be lonely? LIPS like those should always be occupied. Isn’t that right..Johhny Knoxville’s Penis!!
Dr.Rokter | May 25, 2006 at 11:14 am
#30 After extensive research, I’ve discovered it’s a scientific fact that stupid chicks are *terrible* in bed. I know, I know “you don’t fuck that part”, but if the extent of one’s sexual experience is the realization that male peg (a) fits into female hole (b), it indicates serious problems.
This bitch has *got* to be a deader fuck than Cleopatra. You’d probably have more fun dry-fucking a throw pillow.
Giggles | May 25, 2006 at 11:15 am
BOO HOO! Run, Nick, run. Maybe Nick Lachey and Katie Holmes should date. They have a lot in common.
DancingQueen | May 25, 2006 at 11:16 am
I say they get back together when buffalo fly. They do have wings right?
RichPort | May 25, 2006 at 11:16 am
#35 – I agree, but it’s not as much fun to watch a throw pillow do the walk of shame
Dr.Rokter | May 25, 2006 at 11:26 am
#38 Ha, ha. I hadn’t thought of that. Probably why my grandparents stopped letting me visit when I first reached puberty.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 25, 2006 at 11:26 am
I’d have to agree with you, Dr. Rokter, if she’s that stupid in all other aspects in her life, she’s not going to know what the hell to do in bed, either. I’m guessing she still lies there, stiff as a board, with a plastered smile on her face.
Feed_Me_Chocolate | May 25, 2006 at 11:27 am
Smile, plastered, plastered smile, same thing.
CruisingForCock | May 25, 2006 at 11:37 am
The real question is why is my receptionist wearing an Aunt Jemima rag on her head today?
Spindoc | May 25, 2006 at 11:37 am
Nick would have her by the ball…well tits if she tried to come back, I think he should outline a set of demands.
1. Stop fucking your dad
2. Your sister can NEVER come over again
3. You have to tell me that my scholong is bigger than all the other guys you fucked when we were married.
5. Stop stealing me hair products.
Saucie | May 25, 2006 at 11:38 am
You know why they like fireworks? They’re shiny. “OOOOOOHHHHH shiny! Look Jess, sparkly, shiny thingies”
Official WOP count now stands at 4.
DancingQueen | May 25, 2006 at 11:42 am
#42 – Maybe she didn’t have time to get her hair did.
CruisingForCock | May 25, 2006 at 11:43 am
44 Saucie is a WOP? Love you Strega.
DonLes91 | May 25, 2006 at 11:44 am
I”d hit it. Big boobs rule!
BTW – #20 is some funny shit! I gotta write that one down.
Saucie | May 25, 2006 at 11:45 am
I am officially Irish temper, Italian attitude.
Dr.Rokter | May 25, 2006 at 11:45 am
#40 Too true. And I know because I tried to fuck her. First off, it took her fifteen minutes to figure out she needed to take her shoes off before her pants, and she kept trying to pull her panties off over her head. Then she got lost several times trying to find the “not-left” side of her bed. Finally, she kept asking me if I was a real doctor, and I told her, “No baby, that’s just my handle,” to which she responded, “I think I have one of those on my microwave door. And Nick used to have some on his car, I think. But inaminable objects don’t go to school, silly!”
So I robbed her house and got a hooker.
saltpeanuts | May 25, 2006 at 11:48 am
Nick Lachey is probably crying as he reads this. That crybaby wuss. But I’ll bet he’s glad he won’t have to drink any carrot juice, what with her being a blonde again.