Jessica Simpson rebounds with John Mayer

September 9th, 2009 // 47 Comments

Because one man’s trash is another man’s penis holster, Jessica Simpson has reportedly rebounded with John Mayer who had dumped her years ago after he realized she has the sexual proclivity of an English muffin. InTouch reports:

An insider reveals that, in a state of desperation and loneliness, she’s been secretly hooking up with her ex John Mayer, who unceremoniously dumped her in 2007 after they dated for a year. “They’ve always had an amazing connection,” a business associate of Jessica’s tells In Touch. Ignoring her friends’ warnings that the notorious player will just use her and then break up with her again, Jessica has jumped headfirst into a relationship with the singer now that she and Tony, 29, split. “Jessica is kidding herself that her and John stand a chance,” says a source.

It’s sort of tragic being Jessica Simpson considering men only want to be with her for one reason and it’s never to watch Shrek on loop until she figures out how they got the donkey to talk. Why won’t somebody tell her?!

Photos: Splash News
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  1. abgenre

    hit that johnny boy

  2. abgenre

    I COULDA BEEN A FIRST-TARD?!?!?!
    Missed my chance.

  3. KIKI

    I just heard that Kristen Cavellari is John Meyers booty call. What does that guy have that these women can’t quit?

  4. Al

    The gossip shows are teasing a story about Jennifer Anniston and John Mayer back together and shacking up at the Four Seasons in NYC. He must have an album that is about to be released.

  5. Alicia keye

    I just talked on the phone with Alicia Keys assistant she says her and john were dating

  6. Name No

    Yes, he sang “Your boobies are a saggyland” to her last night in concert. It got a standing O.

  7. Google John

    He was spotted with Lindsay Lohan in Target last week.

  8. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester

    I heard he picked up Phyllis Diller at the IHOP in Pasedena.

  9. Pam Anderson

    John and I have a really hot sex tape coming out this spring. Ask for it at your favorite store.

  10. Nameless

    Wasn’t there just another report that John Mayer has been doing that Kristin Cavallari chick for the past couple years on the down low?

  11. Chesty

    9. Aww come on! Phyllis Diller? Everyone knows he goes for the natural blondes.

  12. Mark B

    I have to disagree that John is only back with her for one reason. I totally believe he is with her for only TWO reasons…. ( .)(. )

  13. Hootie

    I hope he doesn’t break her wittle heart again. He must be amazing in the ol sack.

  14. Webster

    “sexual proclivity of an English muffin?”

    I guess I get it…

    oh wait. nope. no, uh, nu-uh.

  15. ughh

    John can pull sweet girls in his bed but OMG!!! He is a dirty douche bag, I don’t know how all of these Hollywood girls fail to see that. He has major talents but his fame whoring life style vomits all over his talents. I will remember the girls he date and parade in public more than his music.

  16. Fannie

    How does he have time for all these beautiful women when he is currently twittering the consistancy of his last bowel movement?

  17. Heath

    Man-cow is looking for any port in her storm. It’s all downhill from here…the girl’s only asset was her looks, and now that she’s porking up and looking like your typical overweight redneck trash, she’s gonna fall hard.

  18. friendlyfires

    show business – it’s high school with money

  19. johnny holmes

    @ #4 KIKI

    A BIG DICK

  20. johnny holmes

    @ #4 KIKI

    A BIG DICK

  21. Albin Bainbridge

    @ 4

    “I just heard that Kristen Cavellari is John Meyers booty call. What does that guy have that these women can’t quit?”

    He makes painfully cheesy love songs. Embarrassing love songs are to women what porn is to men. They eat it up.

  22. KIKI

    @ #20, Hey Holmes, glad to see you are watching us from above. So, do you think John Mayer is going to show us his stuff via a sex tape? A girl can only dream………

  23. lol

    @Heath’s “now that she’s porking up and looking like your typical overweight redneck trash”- yeah, totally brahhh. Every fatty at the Krystal looks like her!

  24. Well out #19

    show business – it’s high school with money

  25. sunshine

    Desperate times call for desperate measures and
    PS #7 – You are a hoot. That is hilarious and thanks for my afternoon laugh.

  26. a

    “says a source” means “my friend said”

  27. Bev

    You can tell John Mayer has a Cd coming out and Jennifer Aniston is dropping another one of those bomb of a movie. Jen can’t release a movie without a man are her few pathetic fan will not go see her movie.

  28. Bev

    You can tell John Mayer has a Cd coming out and Jennifer Aniston is dropping another one of those bomb of a movie. Jen can’t release a movie without a man are her few pathetic fan will not go see her movie.

  29. She's a dream

    ” a business associate of Jessica’s tells In Touch” = Jessicas fucked up father. John Mayer is brilliant. Jessica has worked out and lost the weight she gained while with overthrow-mo. She has low self esteem. dumped & no career. Can you imagine what jessica would be willing to do. Bet after nailing her anally, you could get her to bark like a dog. Then she would pour you a few shots and make dinner while you slept.

  30. Jake

    Yeah low self esteem girl with jump through loops.

  31. John crushes pussies.

  32. JestersDead

    Why do these jackasses never get the booty shot, FACK!!

  33. Back with Mayer – is that desperation, a cry for help, or pure self loathing. Johnny seems to be the guy girls go to when they’ve given up on themselves.

  34. carmen

    Internet is a quite good place to meet friends and even find

    whatever your need. i am

    just in the beginning of my career and want to find a rich

    man, maybe to be my sugar daddy. so i uploaded my hot

    and evennaked photos on ~~~~ Sugarloves.Com ~~~~ under

    the name Michelle2000, maybe you want to check out my

    photos firstly!

  35. Sam

    Once you’re a singer, the gates of pussyland are open for business. It doesn’t matter even if you’re as ugly as him.

  36. What?

    #15, yeah.

    I hate when people misuse words.

  37. Darth

    started out a relationship again or ‘rebound’.There’s an ocean of differences in between.

  38. Rhialto

    It might be good for her ‘singing career’.

  39. Galtacticus

    Somebody has to watch her butt anyway.And just let it coincidentally be John Mayer?!

  40. jack216

    My Man Ho

    Will hit that HAS BEEN slop….. then quit that HAS BEEN slop….NEXT

    She’s a laughing stock.

  41. I think she looks good here. I think she actually looks better in jeans than anything else.

    She should get with Eddie Murphy. He’ll teach her about talking donkeys, and then she can turn into the woman from Norbit (not Thandie Newton).

  42. Good blog, very good article. I have book mark the site.I will come again.

  43. I think John can do much better. He is a talented musician that can have his pick of women, why settle for Jessica Simpson who is a box of rocks?

  44. have very nice hair …

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