Jessica Simpson: ‘My dog is fast, so she’s alive’

September 16th, 2009 // 90 Comments

And welcome to the saddest post of the day. Jessica Simpson is still holding on to hope that her dog Daisy, who was snatched by a coyote, is still alive and has doubled her search efforts while simultaneously pissing off her neighbors. TMZ reports:

TMZ has learned Jessica has been in touch with a lost dog-finding service called — a company that power dials 1000 of Jessica’s closest neighbors in Encino, California to alert them about Simpson’s situation.
Sources close to the situation claim Jess is still “praying” for the dog, but she knows the “odds are against” her.
We’re told Jessica is still clinging to hope, because Daisy is “fast” …. and may have seized an opportunity to bolt from her captor.

I almost wanted to give Jessica props for being realistic and recognizing her dog’s a goner, but then I got to the part where she’s praying for Daisy’s return. Because God’s just sitting around waiting to rescue Malti-Poos from coyotes so they can live in a mansion. That’s the pressing issue on his plate.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Whippet

    Apologies, sheesh, didn’t know how that happened there.
    Maybe the server thought my post *really* need to be seen.

  2. Jamie Lynn's Uterus

    The umbrella is clear so the paparazzi can still get the shot.

    Now if she wasn’t chowing down on Fritos and bean dip, she would of been keeping a better eye on poor sweet innocent Daisy.

    This sounds like a publicity stunt too. “My dog was murdered – put me on a CW soap opera like my sister…waaaa”

  3. d

    How is Matt Parkman’s (unbrella holder) ability going to assist with finding her dog??

  4. Danklin24

    So this dog is going to turn into Elizabeth Smart all of the sudden?

  5. Dude of Dudes

    God wouldn’t save the awesomeness of Patrick Swayze. He sure as fuck dont care about a spoiled coyote snack.

  6. Danklin24

    Ill say this for jessica though, she looks fucking FINE

  7. those dogs are too enragingly gay looking for me to feel any sympathy.

  8. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone :-(

  9. Cartman

    I feel sorry for the girl.

    People talk shit about her on sites like this and then her dog gets killed right in front of her and she can’t accept it.

    I still think she’s lovely.

  10. Ella

    #11- LMFAO, good one!

  11. ella

    #11–LMFAO, good one!

  12. lola

    This is incredibly sad. J.S. has had her life laid out on a platter for the whole world since she was a kid. She has an overbearing father and is unlucky in love. I really think she is a genuinely nice person. I hope that the dog didn’t suffer and that Jessica can find happiness. She looks great here too

  13. clpierced

    jessica you seriously are a debbie downer for me. you used to be one of my idols. stylish, hot, and with a hot husband. now you are semi pretty, but also semi fat. you dress like you should ride a hoveround. i also find your dad extremely creepy. he probably masturbates to your music videos. also, i feel bad for your puppy :( but cheer up, you probably will fall off the face of the earth and become a cashier at Target :)

  14. gigi gambino

    I don’t mean to distract from the “real” story of the magic malti-poo, but why is the gentleman in the photos straining so hard to hold a clear plastic umbrella over Jessica in what is an obviously SUNNY FUCKING DAY?! What is he shielding her from? The evil sounds of laughter coming from the coyote who has shat out her lightnin’ fast pup? I wonder if the umbrella man goes home each night and says to himself “Man! I have a fucking AWESOME job!”

  15. ek

    This girl is minutes to a breakdown. Someone hide the sleeping pills and get her some help.

  16. Oh CHESTica...

    Poor ol’ CHESTica. She’s such a dimwit that, when she saw it was a coyote that took her dog, she got confused & assumed all coyotes are like Wiley Coyote, Super Genius, with whom she thinks she can negotiate.

    Someone needs to break it to her that her dog is history. If someone told her what had happened, but replaced the word “coyote” with “Lion”, perhaps she would finally understand. Then again, maybe not; she might get it confused with “Pete Puma”…

  17. as

    Wow, these celebrities will exploit anything for publicity.

  18. Nameless

    This has gotten pathetic. Since when is a play by play of finding a lost dog newsworthy?

    Papa Joe’s has got to be miking this for press since she isn’t doing much of anything these days.

  19. jily

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  20. Brian Williams, NBC Nightly News

    Why am I holding her umbrella? And when did I get fat?

  21. Gary

    Shouldn’t the overweight photog be sweating like a pig in shorts and a too-small tee? He’s dressed like he’s in Alaska. How cold can it be in Encino?

  22. Andie

    I wouldn’t wish this on anybody. Losing your pet sucks ass. I feel bad for her. She might not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but she doesn’t deserve to be made fun of because she lost her dog. Sheesh. Have a heart, people. I bet she needs a hug.

  23. I was just thinking earlier how those are novelty dogs. They can’t run or anything else. I wondered if it can climb stairs by itself.

    Also wondered about the “before our eyes”. Was there a pursuit involving a weapon? Wondering about details.

    Also wondering what that clear umbrella in the picture is for.

  24. @ 15 – Yeah, Ken Paves got the plum job: fondling her drunk tits and ass when pap photographers are nearby:

    @ 41 – I think the UVAging rays would go through unless it’s specially made to block them. I’d probably like the shade of an opaque, regardless.

    Maybe the umbrella is for bird droppings?

    Also, it sounds like madness, but I think Jessica looks better in jeans.

  25. Pilatunes

    Just wait, once she is over this, she will go out and get another dog and let it run round outside until it gets eaten too.

    It’s wierd, but in areas around here there are coyotes and they actually seem to get small dogs more often than they get cats. Maybe cats are better at getting away.

    On a more topical note, do you think Jessica Simpson likes getting rimmed?

  26. Jessica's Last Brain Cell

    Oh, a piece of candy….

  27. john bob

    She’s looking increasingly depressed.
    If you look at her pics over the past few months, she smiles less and less.

  28. Daisy

    Woof,woof! Woof!

  29. Darth

    Is that you Daisy?!

  30. Pilatunes

    Bit disappointing really, I sent a message to the email in the ad saying I’d bring the dog back in exchange for a picture of her twonker and no one replied.

  31. Duke Steele

    So, the transparent umbrella is used to deflect the invisible rain?

  32. Nancy

    You people are all sick (inappropriate comments and all). Buy a heart and pray that you learn how to use it.

  33. Pilatunes

    Nancy @82, actually, most of the people here are very sympathetic to the poor dog, they just aren’t sympathetic to it’s vapid, illiterate owner.

    Now bend over while I inspect your blumpkin.

  34. Io

    she does realize a coyote has longer legs and runs for it’s dinner, right?

  35. cc

    I heard the story different…the dog got so sick of her shit that he ran into the coyotes mouth just to get away. It’s all a ruse. In a few months there will be carmel colored coyote puppies runnin’ all round Jess’ house, sniffing her bung.

  36. Kelley

    I’m with #43 … these celebs who can’t stand even a few minutes or seconds of sun are going to be sorry later in life when they develop cancer or other autoimmune diseases … you need at least 20 minutes per day sunshine, and 85% of the US is deficient … and sunblocks worK WITH the sun to cause cancer … Google it … it’s true. They block your Vitamin D absorption.

  37. Dread not

    Hope that umbrella keeps Jess safe from the UV rays.

  38. dan

    Jen if your vag needs some licking or your body massaged, anything, please call me.

  39. Patrick Bateman

    Nice legs Jess. I’m picking she’d have some serious meat hangers though.

  40. Reality

    When someone abducts a child, you don’t know necessarily why they’re doing it.
    When a hungry lion (with the clear and sole motivation of EATING) snatches away your child, after 24 hours, that kid is most likely dead.
    When a hungry predator snatches away your bite-sized snack, that pooch is most likely dead.

    There’s a fine line between “faint hope” and “denial”, and this is so far over that line that it’s accurate to call it stupid.

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