And welcome to the saddest post of the day. Jessica Simpson is still holding on to hope that her dog Daisy, who was snatched by a coyote, is still alive and has doubled her search efforts while simultaneously pissing off her neighbors. TMZ reports:
TMZ has learned Jessica has been in touch with a lost dog-finding service called FindToto.com — a company that power dials 1000 of Jessica’s closest neighbors in Encino, California to alert them about Simpson’s situation.
Sources close to the situation claim Jess is still “praying” for the dog, but she knows the “odds are against” her.
We’re told Jessica is still clinging to hope, because Daisy is “fast” …. and may have seized an opportunity to bolt from her captor.
I almost wanted to give Jessica props for being realistic and recognizing her dog’s a goner, but then I got to the part where she’s praying for Daisy’s return. Because God’s just sitting around waiting to rescue Malti-Poos from coyotes so they can live in a mansion. That’s the pressing issue on his plate.
killerabbit | September 16, 2009 at 4:34 pm
Sigh.
frank | September 16, 2009 at 4:34 pm
its not herpes if its everywhere
timbo | September 16, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Unfortunately, that dog is gone.
Someone buy this girl a Happy Meal. Once she is distracted by the food and the toy, she’ll forget all about the dog.
gotmilk? | September 16, 2009 at 4:40 pm
um, i thought they dog was snatched right before her eyes? now she thinks that the sorry excuse for a dog got away from the mouth of a coyote? sure, Jessica, that’s totally what happened.
ChickenOfTheSea | September 16, 2009 at 4:41 pm
Does she think that clear umbrella is going to shield her from the sun?
oh yeah, right there...that's it...oh shit, oh shit...ummmmpffff.....mmmmmmmm *sigh* | September 16, 2009 at 4:42 pm
Perhaps my penis erupting into her moistened cunt might help ease the pain? Just sayin’.
Call me!
Clamhammer | September 16, 2009 at 4:45 pm
Derp
richard prickier | September 16, 2009 at 4:48 pm
She’s so stupid that it’s annoying
BlackSamTX | September 16, 2009 at 4:49 pm
@5
No shit… and it doesn’t look like its raining. Celebutard.
Oliver Chester The Molester Lester | September 16, 2009 at 4:50 pm
I really wish I were between this girl’s legs.
havoc | September 16, 2009 at 4:53 pm
That Malti-Poo is already Coyote-Poo…..
.
haha | September 16, 2009 at 4:53 pm
Celebrities can’t hold their own umbrellas?
Bay | September 16, 2009 at 4:54 pm
Those are some pretty dark shadows cast on a rainy day.
farles chew | September 16, 2009 at 4:55 pm
They grow up from being dumb blondes to sad retarded girls so fast.
bitchin | September 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm
look at that poor bastard trying to keep that umbrella over her..thats gotta be the shittiest of the shit jobs out there. whats wrong with her that she cant hold her own umbrella? i think he should go all britney with that thing.
Randal(l) | September 16, 2009 at 4:57 pm
All the speed in the world wont help you when your dangling from a coyotes hungry mouth. by now her Malti-poo is just coyote-poo….sexy, sexy coyote-poo
Randal(l)
Dar | September 16, 2009 at 4:58 pm
If someone sees their kid get snatched by a stranger who then drives off, are they supposed to go, “Oh, well–she’s probably dead. I wonder what’s on TV tonight?”
Clearly she understands that her poor dog is very likely long gone, but can’t she cling to a little hope without being flame-broiled by heartless morons?
You people suck.
MissGuyDead | September 16, 2009 at 4:58 pm
Ok so she has more money than sense (no argument there) BUT she didn’t spend the money to have her beloved dog microchipped??
If nothing else at this point they could locate the coyote & she could wrestle it swearing her poor baby is in there.
greenman | September 16, 2009 at 4:59 pm
Silly coos. Brains are for men.
Brian | September 16, 2009 at 4:59 pm
nom,nom,nom,nom
chris | September 16, 2009 at 5:10 pm
man i still would like her ass
God The Almighty | September 16, 2009 at 5:11 pm
The word “his” should be capitalized in the last sentence. For my son’s sake, show me some respect.
“That’s the pressing issue on His plate.”
GTBurns | September 16, 2009 at 5:16 pm
15 Give the umbrella guy a break, Jess should be commended hiring him after he lost his job because his previous employer died of diprivan overdose.
Snow J. Frost | September 16, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Sorry to correct the Superfish and the Imposter @ 22.
It should be
“That’s the pressing issue on her plate.” (uncapitalized, cause she ain’t vain.)
Amy | September 16, 2009 at 5:23 pm
#19, fuck you.
otto | September 16, 2009 at 5:28 pm
oh fish, did your mommy beat you when you were a guppy?
otto | September 16, 2009 at 5:29 pm
oh fish, did your mommy beat you when you were a guppy?
oh boy | September 16, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Sorry to say, but I think by now her little dog is nothing but droppings in the California landscape.
Wiley Coyote | September 16, 2009 at 5:38 pm
Look, I’m a lazy bastard. I’m hungry. That fucking roadrunner was just too much you know? While this little turd dog was just a snack, food is food, know what I mean? I didn’t even have to build a contraption from ACME to catch the little bugger, just walked right up to her and snatched it. Almost broke a tooth on one of the collar-diamonds, but shit, I can cash that in and take a vacation. By the way, the dog tasted like ass, so I wouldn’t recommend adding to any menus soon. But like I said, food is food, and I had to do what I had to do. Please don’t hate me.
Ryan Of Awesomeland | September 16, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Ok, has NO ONE taken note that Jessica and her entourage are so dumb that the guy’s shading her from the sun with a CLEAR UMBRELLA ???
??
??
There’s dumb… and there’s DUMB.
Ryan Of Awesomeland | September 16, 2009 at 5:45 pm
Ok, has NO ONE taken note that Jessica and her entourage are so dumb that the guy’s shading her from the sun with a CLEAR UMBRELLA ???
There’s dumb… and then there’s DUMB. [<-- in Kanye CAPS] :)
tcash | September 16, 2009 at 5:54 pm
#31, I was just going to say that!!!!!!!!!!! Dumb!
___ | September 16, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Hey #17, don’t be a fucking idiot.
Well Then | September 16, 2009 at 6:05 pm
Well, all I have to say is two things, three at most. First off, That dog is most likely gone because if it IS alive, it’s either now at the pound, where if the animal isn’t claimed within 2-3 days they put it to sleep. OR, considering it’s a celebrity dog, and the news is all over, someone may have found it, and kept it for themself to make them feel special. Also, that’s wishful thinking that PRAYING is going to save your dog, but sorry, it’s not. Get off your behind and look for your dog…That’s what i’d do if my dog was lost. Technically if I saw my dog being carried off by a coyote, I would have followed it, threw a huge rock at it, jumped in my car and drove after it, shot it, what have you. How did she seriously manage to sit there and “watch” it be carried off. Unless of course it happened at night while she was sleeping or inside the house, but from her story that’s unlikely. Seriously this is dumb. Sorry you lost your dog Jessica Simpson, and I have nothing against you, but maybe you should have been more careful. Take this dog as a lesson learned that you need to be more careful, and if you get a dog in the future, don’t take it for granted, expecially if it’s a tiny dog. =/
Pilatunes | September 16, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Feel sorry for the little pooch.
I think a sequence of cunnilingus induced orgasms would do her a world of good. I am happy to help.
Pilatunes | September 16, 2009 at 6:12 pm
Feel sorry for the little pooch.
I think a sequence of cunnilingus induced orgasms would do her a world of good. I am happy to help.
Don Juan | September 16, 2009 at 6:16 pm
Maybe she watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua too many times? Maybe she thinks there’s an army of little dogs out there in the desert ready to protect her little Daisy? That little dog quicker than a hungry Coyote? No way, Jose.
Don Juan | September 16, 2009 at 6:17 pm
Maybe she watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua too many times? Maybe she thinks there’s an army of little dogs out there in the desert ready to protect her little Daisy? That little dog quicker than a hungry Coyote? No way, Jose.
ROUGH daddy | September 16, 2009 at 6:18 pm
I thought Dough Bruckner was doing well?
aunt jemima | September 16, 2009 at 6:21 pm
Why hasn’t she called Ace Ventura : Pet Detective?
sam | September 16, 2009 at 6:44 pm
Yeah, she looks pretty dumb with that umbrella, but you know how you can’t tan through a window because glass blocks the UV rays? Wouldn’t plastic do the same thing? Assuming the goal is to protect her precious skin from the sun and not to shield her precious eyes from the light.
Geoff | September 16, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Jessica dahling, dunno how to break this to you… but… coyotes are the 9th fastest land animals. Unless little Malti-Poo was lucky enough to get away from the coyote, and able to run wounded faster than 43 mph, I am afraid… Malti-Poo… is now just… poo…
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:06 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Whippet | September 16, 2009 at 7:07 pm
I know this site is about mocking celebs, but you know it is in cases like this where we need to have some empathy, regardless of what an airhead she is.
If you are enjoying schadenfreude (joy at somebody’s misfortune) for losing a dear pet, you are indeed a much lower life form than any of the most douchiest celebs depicted on this blog. Lower than Spencer Pratt, for example. That low.
Alexis | September 16, 2009 at 7:08 pm
#18 As far as I know, that is not how the microchips placed in pets work…its not like a GPS device. If the pet gets taken to a shelter or pound, they scan it for a chip which then gives the owner’s information. So it won’t do the dog or Jess any good. :(
Poor Jess…I would be devastated, too. Even if you hate her, any loving pet owner should sympathize.