Here’s Jessica Simpson doing the walk of shame from the Chateau Marmont where, according to the NY Post, she took a break from partying with Kirsten Dunst the other night to disappear into the room of Maroon 5′s Adam Levine – and didn’t emerge until the next morning. “She was picked up by her best friend, Cacee Cobb, that morning,” according to a source.
She doesn’t look too happy here. Herpes will do that to you. She’ll be lucky if that’s all she gets, because from all reports, Adam Levine is very dirty. We’re talking Paris at a penis convention dirty. Hopefully she got a shower.
My sources tell me Levine and Jess got into a heated discussion about the MidEast and the Palistine situation. Jessica took the view that the Hamas victory could clear the air once and for all – and aide the peace processs. Levine said ‘Tuna is a fish not chicken.’
Jess said ” Sorry – I didn’t watch that show – the acting was weak.” And then she stomped out wearing Levine’s shirt.
Of course my sources have been wrong before…
I love it how when certain starlets break on the scene they parade their ‘virginity’ out like it’s some kind of fucking purple heart or something.
Then they get stuffed by they ‘first love’ and when that relationship inevitably dies, they completely forget any moral values that might have been associated with not giving it up in the first place, and the next thing you know they’re fucking childhood friends in a Vegas bathtub, doing lesbian porn that may or may not include orangutangs riding tricycles, marrying the missing link (K-fed), etc.
It’s entertaining. Although not all female insanity can be linked to getting one’s cherry popped – just look at Mariah Carey, miss inexperienced is as looney as a girl (with very nice rackage) cang get.
To #35 “…naturally blonde hair”. Yeah right. Shes a whore when it comes to using hair extensions. Plus, you can tell she bleaches her hair to lighten it. Not to say her hair doesn’t look good, but it ain’t ALL natural.
Sorry to interject late but Mariah Carey is not miss inexperienced unless you view 13 year old girls that way. She was giving blowjobs to guys in high school on the bus.
But hey, maybe that qualifies to post 52′s sense of timing.
I think you guys are all mad that she has not slept with you. You are all jealous of her, get over it.
It looks to me that Jessica has just recently experienced her very first ‘DIRTY SANCHEZ’!
aaah it doesnt matter what jes does, i just love her. however if ur gonna have a rebound guy, hes sposed to be HOT. unlike that adam freakishly thin bird man levine.
poor form jess. u clearly need to get josh duhamel to dump that mangina of a girlfriend and get yaself some lovin off HIM. good girl.
Shit, that is exactly what you are supposed to do after you get out of a suffocating marriage from a washed-up, controlling has been…the hook-up could have been worse either Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt.
She look like she can’t get that spooge taste out her mouth!
Even though she got the jawline of George of the jungle, the body is still hot. She all cage though, no bird!
Jealous? Of her money, most certainly. Do we want to hit it? Most definitely! Look as bad as she looks in this photo, she’s like a better looking Chloe from 24.
We think she shoudl hook up with Chloe’s workmate from 24 now. None of us can touch her after what she’s been doing/swallowing from that Levine twerp.
Yuck.
The sex must not have been that great. She certainly doesn’t look happy.
For the love of all the hot bodies in LA… why?? I’d look like that too if I ended up with the dude from Maroon 5.
What a waste of a cute girl…. Johnny Knoxsville, Bam M. & now Adam Levine.
Everyone knows you rebound with someone super hot… not some has been, skinny not even remotely hot guy.
Nick is better off…. the balls in his court… hope he gets someone worth talking about.
mrs.t: After posts #30 and 31, I was already set to post raves about you. Totally hilarious. But #50 absolutely destroyed me. You and your husband are f***ing brilliant. So damn funny – I can’t wait to work “like throwing a sausage down a hallway” into a conversation. Muchas gracias.
If I tiled that as my wallpaper it would look like a Saturday Morning in the Quad back in college.
EricaDanielle, Sheva, and jka-much obliged for your kind props. And more than a little embarassed by how secretly totally psyched I am for the recognition of my awesomeness.
I am very witty.
And, once again, my toddler just ran past singing ‘Popozao’, as a testament to my award-winning parenting.
mrs.t: I am laughing out loud at my mental image of your toddler running around singing ‘Popozao’. That’s about the only context in which I might enjoy the song (unless your toddler wears a wifebeater and smokes dope).
at least she still looks hot
She has the same expression i can imagine her having when she’s a nasty, overly-rich, doddering old hag.
jka: her nickname is ‘chronic’.
‘”She was picked up by her best friend, Cacee Cobb, that morning,” according to a source.’
Cacee?
Oh, “Casey.” Got it. It’s the cutesy-poo girly way of being a Casey, but being different.
“Starting with this picture, Jessica will slowly decline from uber-hot to disgusting slob,”
Well, not really. People don’t really look like celebrities do, celebrities included. Particularly with the women, it’s all smoke and mirrors. Ever seen Cameron Diaz without makeup?
She’s got the look of a girl who just started freebasing, stayed up all night for the first time and had to give a little to get another hit. Not saying she did, just that is what the face looks like. Just one more step and she’ll be crying. She looks so miserable.
She is still the prettier sister. And I like the bump on her nose. Ashlee’s bump landed too low on her nose and it just deosn’t have the same effect. Jessica, take the high road honey. Don’t falter, stay in the middle cuz once you go skank you can’t cum back.
AHHHH!! WHY ARE YOU ALL BAGGING ADAM LEVINE? HE IS HOT AND HE HAS A GREAT VOICE AND ALSO, HE IS NOT A HAS BEEN BECOS MAROON 5 IS REALESING A NEW ALBUM SOOON !
BESIDES, HOW WOULD ANY OF YOU EVEN KNOW IF HE HAS A SMALL DICK OR NOT??
you always need to bring sunglasses when you go out…..
yeah, well, she can do better anyway – http://hollywoodsnark.com
do you guys see how she looks without make-up.