Jessica Simpson – wait for it – IN A BIKINI!

May 21st, 2008 // 89 Comments

Jessica Simpson headed off to Mexico with her mom and dad after Ashlee’s weekend wedding. Fortunately, the paparazzi followed her and managed to catch Jessica, I do not shitteth upon thee, giving herself a breast exam and chilling in a bikini. On the flip-side, these pics are a little grainy, so you’ll have to use your imagination like I am. Right now Jessica Simpson is covering her ample bosom with suntan lotion while Snarf from ThunderCats watches. And, oh, hey, here comes Ariel the Little Mermaid with some pudding. Ha ha! I smell food fight. Snarf, that’d be your cue to leave. This is man business.

Photos: Flynet

  1. ph7

    Ok, I’ll say it: Nice tits!

  2. Guy Leflour

    It’s like, I should be seeing boobs, but boobs aren’t there…

  3. Nich Lachay

    I miss her


  4. HuckyDucky

    I second that.

  5. GalPal

    She’s masterbating!

  6. JRS

    Maybe next time instead of using a cheap ass camera phone, they can get one of those ancient flashbulb cameras.

  7. Tapeworm

    What a dumb cunt.

  8. havoc

    Someone actually made money from these photos?

    Maybe try a photography class at your local community college.

    Knowledge is Power!


  9. Jackson

    (Back by popular demand)

    I think Jessica Simpson has great NATURAL CURVES which is unlike Kim Kardaskank’s FAT INDUCED CURVES plus her implants to make her body look balanced, get attention, and fix her pear shaped figure. Jessica has a GREAT NATURAL RACK whereas Kim has those FAKE IMPLANTS that feel weird and unnatural. Give me a natural rack any day! Jessica does not cover her tight shapely ass when wearing a swim suit which is unlike Kim Kardaskank because she has to cover her big fat loose wide cellulite sagging ass with a towel or sarong. Kim only shows her huge ass when it has been photoshopped or airbrushed because she knows she is your typical fat Amercian that relies on girdles and body shapers to improve her body unlike Jessica Simpson.

  10. axel

    Maybe next time instead of using a cheap ass camera phone, they can get one of those ancient flashbulb cameras.

    or better yet, a daguerreotype

  11. ribachini


    you are insane

    you come on here everyday and say exactly why every woman is better than kim kardaskank

    we get it, really

    kim is gross and other people arent as gross.

    cool. go find someone to have sex with you

  12. jesse


    Aint gonna happen

  13. 1 MILF Hunter

    I could’ve helped with that exam if she would have asked. I give a very thorough oral exam.

  14. Every (aryan) woman is better than Kardaskank

    13. ribachini

    Yeah this is true. Kim is an artificial pig. Fake tits, fake ass, nose job to hide
    her heritage, let’s black guy piss on her, covers herself up, etc. Why are you defending her? You obviously identify with her therefore you too are a black haired non causcasion fat pig. It’s ok though.
    NO. It’s not. Maybe you haven’t caught on yet here. Some of us (the super cools like me) hate fat pigs. It’s that simple. Like you.
    No go get yourself another big chunk of that self-medicating cake you have been grazing on all day. It will make you feel better. (cow)

  15. Superevil


  16. That stupid bimbo isn’t giving herself a breast exam. Romo told her he wanted to fuck her tits and she feeling around for a pussy (’cause she’s retarded – get it)

  17. Jackson


    I forgot about the nose job! Thanks dude! I’ll have to add it in my Kim Kardaskank comments.

  18. NY Ted

    Where is Tony Bozo…??? Probably rubbing sun tan oil on some bitches tits on the mainland…!!! With multiple drinks in hand no doubt!

  19. Jackson

    My mistake, my comment was meant for #16.

  20. Dave

    Tits! Damn pap should get himself a decent camera!

  21. Randal

    Thankfully, Jessica Simpson is more than just ample breasts. She’s done an excellent job as an actress and a singer, even though she’s known for the Chicken of the Sea bit, a genius spat of words from her that keeps Jessica fresh in our minds.

    Looking forward to your next big thing girl!


  22. Koko

    Blurriest. Photos. Ever!

  23. AJ


    Jessica is cute and has a nice figure. She managed to make millions off her movie flops. Her albums were flops too. She needs to take voice lessons so she that annoying breathy sound while singing.

  24. Kingsley Amis

    She’s terrific. Yes, she’ll never win a Nobel Prize for Medicine, but she’s gracious and has a fantastic body. Those babies are natural. She was made well and she is proud of what she’s got. Grainy, shmainy, at least these aren’t pictures of that pig Kim or the idiotic Hills cast.

  25. Joe Simpson

    BOING!!! She’s mine. All mine.

  26. mrs.t


    Thanks for my afternoon dose of crazy.

    I love me some nonsensical Randal posts.


    mrs. t

  27. Shep

    Next time, leave the Captain Crunch camera in the cereal box for the kids.

  28. creepy

    Those were probably taken by her dad on his camera phone. So very creepy, that guy.

  29. OC Dee

    #6, #22, #29

    I love the camera comments! They are hilarious!

  30. Come-Honor-Face

    these pics suck. for the piece of ass that she is, this is hardly worth whacking off to.
    and @30, you are prob right

  31. malicious

    good photos Joe! dirty bastard

  32. Barack Obama

    Now that’s a pretty piece of female meat. I hope that one day my angry bitch wife will change into sweet, sweet Jessica. She is the one I have been waiting for. Yum!

  33. Stoney

    As bad as the blur is you can still see those big ass Chiclet teeth. This skeez is way too over-rated.

  34. Tony Romo's taint

    Pfft big fucking deal. I do that on the bus all the time.

  35. sara

    whoever said jessica’s breasts are natural is really, REALLY confused.

  36. AURA


  37. Pepper

    these pics are freaking creepy, like some kind of perv.
    The girl is undressing and checking her boobs…….come on paps show some respect




  39. Gia


    You are confused because you have seen too many implants. Jessica is all natural. Check out the following video showing her bouncing boobs. Implants do not bounce like natural boobs.

  40. Scotter

    I just thought I would beat the Russian Mob to the punch ….

  41. Cash

    The hell were these taken with, a 3 year old camera phone?

  42. cobalt

    That should probably be “I Shit Not upon thee”, I think.

    I’ve seen Russian spy satellites provide better quality pics than this. Having said that the snapper was probably about 5 miles away at the time.

  43. Nansita

    OK kids…… ya THINK that maybe she thought there was something in her bikini top? No….not her boobs. Just something that was bothering her? Sand, an itchy tag, maybe even a bug? I know that’s not as much fun as “OMG she’s masterbating!” Puleeze!

  44. Binky

    So, been watching a bit of TV. So far ZZ-top, Bryan Adams, Seal, etc have all been on American Idol – which is known already as the Death Star of opposing TV shows.
    Cliff Notes : That’s interesting Bink. Who’s on Larry King tonight ?
    Binky : Jesse Ventura, who was just on Howard Stern today saying 9/11 was an inside job. Like even just the scheduling points out, or – highlights – or like, screams – 9/11 was an inside job.
    Cliff Notes : Well Bink, the American public aren’t all up on the Nielsen’s.

  45. She looks beautiful and large sexy. I saw her new sexy photos on site “W e a l t h y L o v I n g . co m ” last week. It is said she is dating young billlaionaire on that site.

  46. alisa

    #16 and # 11 you two are so naive. look for a picture of kim as a child. it was shown on a show about oj simpson on E! and they showed a family picture. same nose! maybe she had a little lip work done but that picture going around the internet that claims to be her isnt. doesnt look one bit like her… its just an ugly armenian. and her ass is real kourtney and khloe have big asses too! god you people are pathetic. as for the tits… honestly who cares….. everyone on this site makes fun of girls with saggy boobs aka real boobs that just arent bolt ons. hers at least look natural

  47. Andres

    At #46: I agree with you, but why even bother, what can you expect from a dumbass who can’t even spell -masturbating- correctly?

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