Jessica Simpson makes John Travolta look like a silly bitch

January 26th, 2010 // 42 Comments

While John Travolta attempts to proselytize Haiti to Xenu, Jessica Simpson is actually doing something useful by sending shoes to a country that’s covered in broken earthquake shit. Us Magazine reports:

The singer, 29, has announced plans to team up with Nashville-based shoe charity Soles4Souls to collect at least 50,000 pairs of shoes in 50 days, which will be sent to victims in the Caribbean country.
“Let’s all do everything that we can for the tragedy in Haiti,” she says in a video clip advertising the campaign.

Personally I would’ve preferred to see Jessica use her heaving breasts to feed all the children thrice over, but then again, that was my solution to to my leaky sunroof the other day: Jessica Simpson breast feeding. So maybe it’s good she went with the shoes.

EDIT: Took the link down because, what the fuck?, they’re flip flops. Now she has to do the breast feeding thing.

Photos: Splash News

  1. Mister Mister

    I’d rather have shoes than some friggin’ Scientologist preaching at me.

  2. It's Me Fuckers

    yeah, they need shoes. They certainly don’t need clean water, food or shelter. Jessica Simpson is the epitome of stupid. I can just see the way she thinks… “Shoes always make ME feel better! Just what the ppl of Haiti need!” Fucktard

  3. Richard McBeef

    I would rather be crushed by concrete than pay to have my thetans removed.

    i would rather motorboat dem titties than gargle revolta’s nut sack.

  4. Well...


    Shoes can do a lot to prevent disease, so it’s bad at all…

  5. Sara

    @#2 -
    I agree with commenter #4. Shoes do a lot in protecting your feet (and in affect, body) from infection. There is so much rubble and ruins over there right now that it’s probably dangerous to be walking around. An open wound or cut, if not bandaged properly (and I’m sure that the smaller cuts are the least of the medical personnel’s problems) makes you more susceptible to infection.

    In my opinion, most people are focusing on the larger necessities (food, water, et cetera). They are extremely necessary, but at the same time smaller things are needed as well — including shoes.

  6. darcy

    Ughhh… Are you comments seriously posting that she is “stupid” for sending shoes? To people who have no shoes because they’re lost them, in a country where the ground is covered in rumble and broken glass?
    I don’t even sense sarcasm in the original post, until the breastfeeding garbage. You’re pathetic. What the hell are you doing, you pieces of shit?
    #2, she’s not sending manolo blahniks, asshole.

  7. Keith


    Food and water are not found in rubble – its is perishable, or contaminated. Old, crushed shoes are still shoes. You can cut a shoe from a piece of car tire.

    By the way, Jessica’s boob job and fat girl jeans look ridiculous.

  8. OsakaSushi

    “You can cut a shoe from a piece of car tire.”

    Number 7, you are an idiot.
    Do you really think these people are going to be digging through concrete and glass to look for some crushed shoes? Or for that matter, carving them out of car tires??

    Infection is one of the leading causes of death post-disaster, and just because these people cannot survive without the obvious food and water doesn’t mean that they don’t need anything else.

  9. Chris

    Go to the website.. it’s not actually SHOES.. it’s flip flops.. I don’t think those are going to be very helpful. I was getting ready to donate because it sounded like a great idea, until I got to the page with the “shoes”.

  10. Melissa

    So Jessica Simpson is asking common everyday people to donate a pair of shoes in HER name. Cheap and poorly made shoes that will do little to protect feet should the weather become inclement (which is likely to happen, it being Earth and all). This is the same Jessica Simpson who allows a VERY PROFITABLE company to use her name to sell shoes. This company could easily manufacture shoes that would be more suitable for the needs of these people and Jessica could make the donation HERSELF. It is really disgusting to see these celebrities using Haiti to plug their name and beg for money from people who actually work for a living. People are willing to donate and give, but shallow relief efforts like this just remind me what vapid, self-whores these jerks are.

  11. Some of you ASSHOLES will find anything to bitch and complain about. She’s trying to help people and all you can do is complain about how it’s not good enough. Get a life, seriously.

  12. Rick

    She should have simply offered herself to the Haitian people. Apparently a lot of them are zombies and her thighs could feed a village.

  13. Vinnie The Chin

    I give her props for doing something to help. Better than Wyclef’s shady Yele organization.

  14. Jon

    Jesus! Flip Flops are SOMETHING to people who have NOTHING (and probably cuts on their feet). It’s a freaking island, and 80 degrees most days. Jessica is doing something, WTF are all of you cynical bitches doing???

  15. U.N.

    I wish somebody would donate tens of thousands of cyanide capsules. Honestly, it’s so cruel to save these people, when their reward is to live in a Haiti even worse than it was before, if that’s even technically possible.

  16. Ralph

    Why does Jessica always look so spaced-out. She can’t be as clueless (read stupid) as she looks, can she?

  17. Sara

    Yes, old d `

  18. Sara

    Damn computer spazzed before. Ignore my last post… Anyways:
    Old crushed shoes are still shoes but that does not mean it’s realistic for people to go searching for the rubble for shoes. As commenter number eight said – they’d be endangering themselves while looking for the supplies that would protect them.

    Either way – I don’t see why anyone should be bashing anybody’s contribution to Haiti. Everything is needed, so anything should be welcome — I doubt you have people over there who would look at a clean pair of shoes, or look at a bottle of water and go, “Psh.. what idiot donated this crap?”

    They’re in a position where they have next to nothing. No kindness or generosity, is unappreciated.

  19. Paver

    There are several idiots here who think disease spreads through the feet.

    Man is the only mammal with shoes. Why aren’t all the other mammal dead, after contracting a deadly disease with their feet? And I guess African ave some magic gene that protects their shoeless feet.

    A whole lottta dumb here.

  20. Uncle Eccoli


    It’s a disaster zone. People are walking barefoot through all manner of rough, sharp, and pointy things.

    Flip flops may not do as much to protect your feet as, say, a pair of trainers, but they’ll better protect you from the machete-wielding asshole who wants to rob you of your new, donated footwear.

  21. Sara

    Other mammals can contract infections when they have an open wound that was not properly cleaned or treated. Skin infections and blood-borne pathogens (such as HIV, which is more specifically applied to humans) can be contracted by having an open wound/sore (such as one on your foot — which in itself, could become infected if not thoroughly cleaned after cutting it on glass or rubble).

    There are also a lot of factors in what you have mentioned. (I.e. in places where it is not customary to wear shoes — or they are considered a luxury — the flesh becomes calloused and rough. I’ve known people before who, after going years shoeless while as missionaries, can stick thumbtacks into their feet because of how rough and built up their callous has become.)

    It’s not at all idiotic to believe that shoes would do a whole lot of good in prevention, for the Haitian people.

  22. fraz

    Um, flip-flops still offer a modicum (look it up) of protection. Not to mention it’s probably already the primary footwear there, given that it’s a fucking tropical island. Honestly, this isn’t nearly as bad as some of the other attention grabbing bullshit out there.

  23. zarf

    And they collect all kinds of shoes:

  24. The observer

    When are people going to stop with the skinny jeans/heels thing? It looks like shit, has always looked like shit and always will look like shit. Does she look in a mirror before she goes out?

  25. Rough's goodwill tour

    Why is Papi Joe not seeing the big picture here, one drop of Jess’s female nourishment would eradicate malnutrition in Haiti…

  26. dontneedone

    @ #19
    “And I guess African ave some magic gene that protects their shoeless feet. ”

    talk about idiotic. you know there are towns and cities in africa. they wear shoes there. i know, i’ve been there. they dont all live in mudhuts and bushes you douchebag.

    and even if the primary footwear in haiti is flipflops, which is very possible, after this earthquake, flipflops would not be sufficient enough. they need closed toe shoes with decent soles. because the landscape has drastically, and dangerously changed since the earthquake.

  27. why you wearing those ‘mom jeans’?

  28. That video is also uploaded on youtube. I felt there is nothing special in that video..nothing happening the news channel said about that meeting. anyway thanks for sharing this kinda news with us.

  29. sahara

    she’s doing a lot more than a lot of you are sitting on your ass reading the superficial and complaining about someone who IS trying to help.

    you’d swear she’d just infected the entire population with aids the way some of you are carrying on. christ almighty

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  31. Jean

    What a wonderful & generous cause she’s doing!! Of course the people need shoes!! Who wouldn’t think the people need shoes?!?!? Apparently some morons writing think the people don’t need shoes (I want to see them go to work today without any shoes and they don’t have rubble to walk on). She’s picking a wonderful cause. How sweet…..thank you Jessica…stay on track.. we love you Jessica!!

  32. jso

    wtf, im so sick of the breasts=feeding joke. some idiots think that shit is real, and you are the one that continues these dumb jokes.

  33. anonymous

    Amen Melissa! It’s disgusting that Jessica “mediawh@re” Simpson is using Haiti for some positive press for herself. If she only wanted to help, she would just donate the money for the shoes herself instead of using a tragedy to get her ugly, bloated man-face some press.

  34. Tara

    Come up with a better one #32 stop complaining…

  35. Tiffany

    Get all of Jessica’s clothes at

  36. Emily

    She’s doing something nice for people who haven’t exactly been having the nicest time. Yeah, I’d probably want sneakers rather than flip-flops to wade through rubble, but sneaker’s are a fuck’ve a lot more expensive. Cheap shoes means more shoes, means helping more people. I’d rather have something than nothing.

    She’s hardly using this to plug herself–she’s using herself to plug her cause. Attaching a celebrity name to a charity means that that charity gets more coverage, more exposure, and more donations.

    And please, stop bitching about her weight. She’s not even Hollywood-fat; she’s skinny with boobs and a little hip. She looks healthy and normal, and not in a “Power to the Plus-Size” way. Just pretty. Just normal. And actually using whatever fame she has to help people with something they do need, even if it’s not food or water. Sustenance alone is not enough for survival.

  37. monster

    Does no one else find the name “Soles for SOULS” creepy?
    I didn’t know Satan has a Hatai relief charity…

  38. Jaqulline Musgrave

    Ha! Ha! Ha! :) :) LMFAO—milk it buddy!!!! THATS FUCKIN BRUTALLY FUNNY DUDE!!

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