Jessica Simpson is a sparkly sausage

December 1st, 2009 // 102 Comments

For the record, I’m not saying Jessica Simpson looks fat in these pics as much as I’m saying it took a team of Norwegian welders to get that dress around her giant torso. There’s a difference.

Photos: Splash News, WENN
superficial

  1. Jim

    She looks awful. Fat chicks ruin an otherwise beautiful planet.

  2. doin.it.with.your.mom

    Jim (#51)…sure she’s a little porkier than before, but so is you mom and LOTS of guys are doin HER. True story.

  3. Female Jesus

    Fuck all you assholes who are calling her fat. She looks great!! Just because she isnt a toothpick doesnt mean shes fat!! Im not even a lesbian and i think she’s sexy as hell!!!!

  4. Jake

    She must be auditioning to be the next Jenny Craig spokeswoman. Mooooooo!!!

  5. EricLR

    Yeah sure, she doesn’t have the best body in the world. But she more than makes up up for it with an amazing personality, incredible intellect, and stunning talent…

    Oh wait, did you say *Jessica* Simpson? I thought you meant O.J.

  6. Kathryn

    I seriously don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about! She looks AMAZING, I hate her singing, but she is fucking HOTTTTT!

  7. Jillian

    she looks fine, maybe it’s the size of the shiny things on her dress that maker he look a little voluptuous but really she doesn’t look bad.

  8. no_one_yuno

    looks like a water balloon wrapped with a rubber band.

    I would demolish it!

  9. terri

    she doesn’t know how to dress for her shape i love her legs but i don’t get why shes famous she doesn’t sing or act shes not a a reality show this girl is soo dumb its good she keeps her mouth shut

  10. James

    I think she looks sexy.

  11. A size 12 or 14??? PLEASE. More like a size 8. She looks awesome. Some of you fucking idiots..I swear…

  12. A size 12 or 14??? PLEASE. More like a size 8. She looks awesome. Some of you fucking idiots..I swear…

  13. George

    FAT BEOTCH!!!!!

  14. Yeah

    God forbid a woman has a real, normal woman’s body, blasphemy!

  15. jimmy dean

    She looks like a giant sausage stuffed into a sparkly casing.

  16. elaine

    It’s interesting to note that so many of our male species on this site, think they even have the slightest chance of ever getting within inches of this woman…

    Pardon the Grey Poupon, a man who comments on celebrity sites is on the gay side of straight. Please allow me to state that such a man can not ‘destroy, hit that, or slam anything than his own hand. By virtue of the fact that you are on this site, commenting, you are fag with a side order of George Michael.

    Mostly gay men who comment on this site, and think they can fuck celebrity type women, need to turn this car around right now. Shake the gay off and walk back to when you had a cock and knew how to use it, on women.

  17. Liane

    You seriously think this is fat? You’ve got to be kidding me….

  18. masmi

    Dear Superficial,

    Remember when we met, what was it three years ago? When you actually made funny comments about celebrities which were valid? I miss those days. Now all I get are random girls in bikinis and calling people fat who are actually normal sized. You’re boring. It’s over.

  19. masmi

    Dear Superficial,

    Remember when we met, what was it three years ago? When you actually made funny comments about celebrities which were valid? I miss those days. Now all I get are random girls in bikinis and calling people fat who are actually normal sized. You’re boring. It’s over.

  20. wandakitty

    LMAO at “side of George Michael” that’s awesome

  21. me

    she’s a million times prettier than Britney Spears will ever be… I can’t believe the people who defend Britney over Jessica. Jessica wins in the looks department. No contest.

  22. flaky

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  23. ppl

    Its all down hill from now bitches… next stop Pamela ville… old and worthless

  24. shittin condoms

    she looks smoking hot to me i would love to fuck that ass

  25. HCQ

    #5 typed: “She’s looking pretty hot. Sorry to hear about her talent though.

    #19 typed: “Now if she’d just finish high school and get a little college under her belt, I’d let her speak during sex. And maybe afterward, too.”

    LMAO!

  26. HCQ

    #46 typed: “Once upon a time before plastic tits became all the rage…women that had naturally large breasts were usually curvier. Once upon a time women did not have paper white horse teeth….I could go on and on. We apparently have lost sight of what the human body really looks like. ”

    HCQ replies: All courtesy of 50 years of Hollywood brainwashing and media generated standards. We have indeed lost any perspective on body image, aging, self respect, etc. Body Dysmorphic Disorder, anyone?

  27. bary

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    —— TallFlirts.com——–

    It’s where Tall people looking for someone to enjoy their lifestyle with.

    Come in and stay a while. Complete your profile. Post a message, a picture of yourself and check out the photo galleries.

    Give it a try, you will find someone you like here…

  28. sahara

    DAYUM

    anyone who says she’s fat is an IDIOT

  29. she is great and also sexy..

  30. Jean

    Jessica looks beautiful!!! Who wrote this article? Is your name Wenn? Jealous writer? Put your picture up writer, let us judge and jury your ugly disgusting body….moron. I can’t believe you would write such a childish article. Thank God Jessica keeps holding her head high with such writers like you!

  31. Jean

    Jessica looks beautiful!!! Who wrote this article? Is your name Wenn? Jealous writer? Put your picture up writer, let us judge and jury your ugly disgusting body….moron. I can’t believe you would write such a childish article. Thank God Jessica keeps holding her head high with such writers like you!

  32. Jean

    Jessica looks beautiful!!! Who wrote this article? Is your name Wenn? Jealous writer? Put your picture up writer, let us judge and jury your ugly disgusting body….moron. I can’t believe you would write such a childish article. Thank God Jessica keeps holding her head high with such writers like you!

  33. Jean

    Jessica looks beautiful!!! Who wrote this article? Is your name Wenn? Jealous writer? Put your picture up writer, let us judge and jury your ugly disgusting body….moron. I can’t believe you would write such a childish article. Thank God Jessica keeps holding her head high with such writers like you!

  34. WOWWY WOW WOW!!

    Look at all the positive comments and not one regular name I recognize!

    68 comments >>> BETWEEN MIDNIGHT AND 6A.M.<<

    I wonder how this miracle of positive P.R. happened?

    Looks like that dress is going to explode into a storm of shrapnel.

    Anyway, I maintain that she looks better in jeans and NOT TOO TIGHT jackets, which is CRAZY because short skirts/dresses beat the pants off pants, like 50 to 1.

    No open toe shoes either, curly.

  35. Turd da Third

    ewwwwwwwwww, before I read the caption and just saw the pict at a glace I thought it was Brittney doing her best impression of a pit viper!

    This chick just keeps getting uglier and uglier and stumpier and stumpier. Dressing like this doesn’t help. She looks more like she should be out walking the street and bobbing for c*#k than on a celebrity runway.

    The only things that could make here looking worse is a hat with that outfit and a bad case of VPL. Other than that she is doing a great job of making herself look like a used up old hag. Hard to believe this was the chick who wore next to nothing in the Dukes of Hazard movie a few years back!!

  36. flaky

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  37. FACE

    I would rim her until it hurt

  38. Scrubs is AWESOME

    I’d ram that like a mac truck with no brakes.

  39. LVG

    # 67 LOL !
    I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU! I wonder how many of the guys that post here could get a chance with Jessica Simpson, Kim Kardashian, or any of the so called fat girls….none to zero I guess.
    and # 70…you are sooo right, whats the deal with the superficial, this used to be a fun site, now it´s just supposedly “hot “random plastic or anorexic sluts in bikini and calling what acctually are hot girls fat..
    You are eather super gay, retarded or you just haven´t had sex with a real women for a very very very long time.
    You are boring and retarded

  40. Pavementaled

    Delta Burke comes to mind…

  41. JH

    You are all ridiculous. I don’t even understand why people are discussing this. She isn’t a stick but she certainly isn’t a size 14. If you saw her walking down the street you wouldn’t think twice. But then again, she is a celebrity and that’s what people do.

  42. Simpson regardless of all that’s been said about her. She has ups and downs like the rest of us, but she has such a big heart. Why can’t people appreciate that about her and write about that instead of her weight and being dumped before her birthday? I don’t think she would ever talk about people in such a way that she has been talked about…

  43. hard boiled pegg

    Chunky and funky, just the way I like to slap that shit. I’d love to spread her open from behind.

  44. @ 93 – Not sure about the big heart, but I believe she’s genuinely dim witted, so it inspires pity.

  45. Having trouble finding her waist. She’s having makeup problems, too.

  46. Jenna

    She’s probably not even a size 8. That’s maybe a 6. Girl is only like 5’2. I swear, some of you people just talk out of your ass.

  47. flaky

    I found a HOTTEST interracial club =MixedConnect *.* C0M=for black Women and white Men, or black Men and white Women, to interact with each other. Interracial is not a problem here, but a great merit to cherish!

  48. Maggie

    Sheesh, this is fat?? She looks sooo much prettier with a bit of flesh on her, when she was super thin she had a bit of a man face. She looks healthy and sexy, better than she has in a long time IMO. boo, superficial.

  49. r4i

    Hello Guy’s,
    t it would did something for her plain face. She has nice tits,

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