Okay, Jessica Simpson knows what to do here, I think. She’s pretty sure you pour the juice from the bottle into the cup. Or is it the bottle into the juice and then eat the cup? Dammit, what did her dad used to say? Oh, right, he’d say: “If you can’t figure something out, why not bounce up and down on daddy’s lap?” Then he’d ask her if she wanted a boob job because, you know, Joe Simpson buys boob-jobs in bulk. I hear he hands them out at office parties, charity events, and even to kids trick-or-treating on Halloween.
Photos: Splash
becks | September 17, 2007 at 3:15 pm
first!
steve | September 17, 2007 at 3:16 pm
hey becks, thanks for telling us what grade you’re in.
PS Don’t you think you’re too old to still be breastfeeding?
Wicked Wendy | September 17, 2007 at 3:16 pm
ummmmm
stevenholt1@mac.com | September 17, 2007 at 3:17 pm
Jessica Simpson, 2000 miles from the farm she grew up on, now relies on bottled donkey jizz to satisfy cravings.
Damian | September 17, 2007 at 3:18 pm
Well, she’s not all made up, but at least she isn’t looking like ass. Maybe she won’t continue on that Jenna Jameson/Duck lookalike path she’s been on.
anna | September 17, 2007 at 3:18 pm
wow the first time i have seen her without dark roots.
jrzmommy | September 17, 2007 at 3:19 pm
Aw, she does look like a tard.
La La La | September 17, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Nice one thesuperficial.com. HAHA! She does look confused and fortunately you gave her great advice about what to do with this one.
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 3:23 pm
Wasn’t she in the Ringer?
Anna | September 17, 2007 at 3:28 pm
I think she has an excellent taste on fashion and style.
LOOVED the snickers and the “I don’t give a fuck if i look like i haven’t take a bath in a week, still prud to wear my pijamas on public places” Look.
adeliza | September 17, 2007 at 3:30 pm
#4
heh, heh, heh, heh, heh!
moobs | September 17, 2007 at 3:30 pm
she’s not my favorite person, by far.. but it’s nice to see she can go out in public looking “average” without having to resort to crusty cowboy hats and fishnets stockings (with shorts and boots)
….not saying any names or anything (but pointing in a general direction..)
FRIST!!! | September 17, 2007 at 3:37 pm
She should lay off the queludes…she looks a little like me on a Saturday morning…..
opie | September 17, 2007 at 3:39 pm
FRIST….you must look pretty damn hot on Saturday morning then!!!
FRIST!!! | September 17, 2007 at 3:41 pm
I do ok
homie | September 17, 2007 at 3:41 pm
that cute, little ignorant fuck
Mike | September 17, 2007 at 3:42 pm
#9 Hey how’s it going
#13 How’s it been going lately FRIST?
Don’t know what I did to Veggi, but guess she just flat out hates my ass.
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 3:46 pm
FRIST you are hot 7 days a week!!!
Mike I am doing good. I don’t think Veggi hates you hates you.
sportsdvl | September 17, 2007 at 3:47 pm
Looking normal for once but still a retard.
Oh, #1 – just plain lame for being so happy for posting first.
#2 – great line about what grade #1 is in. LOL
FRIST!!! | September 17, 2007 at 3:51 pm
#17 Been well, Mike, thanks, and I don’t know anything about Veggi, maybe she hates me too.
#18 Thanks Jimbo, how was your weekend?
Donson | September 17, 2007 at 3:51 pm
I think in picture 7, she has a revelation about what to do with the cup and the juice. By picture 9, she forgot again.
Barry LeFarge | September 17, 2007 at 3:52 pm
The juice contains air. She drank the juice yesterday, but is carrying it around, hoping it will magically fill with juice again.
Mike | September 17, 2007 at 3:54 pm
#18, I don’t hate myself. Just don’t know what the heck I did to her to piss her off.
#20. Nobody can hate you, only love you, because you are the hottest thing around.
theGuy | September 17, 2007 at 4:00 pm
The Guy in pictures 2-4 is playing pocket rocket with his pecker. Jessica is waiting to see if his dick will point at her cup before she pours. It is voodoo.
rockdust | September 17, 2007 at 4:02 pm
I actually think she looks kinda cute not all made up like papa Joe’s whore.
lambman | September 17, 2007 at 4:02 pm
Dear Superficial,
Jessica Simpson is being paid to get photographed carry that product, you are posting the pictures thus making the value of paying her to promote even higher. Please photoshop a penis over the brand-name beverage.
taterhater | September 17, 2007 at 4:04 pm
I hate that flavor of Fuze
BaldAsBritney | September 17, 2007 at 4:04 pm
What’s this thing in my hand? It feels cold. brrrrr. Maybe I should set it down. hey whats this other thing? It’s red! I like red. Red like a pony! Oh wait those are brown. Why is my hand cold again? Oh right the red thing. I mean the other thing. Where am I? Kittens are soft.
Sarah | September 17, 2007 at 4:05 pm
Ohh Jessica, you look like ass. Why is she wearing a tent?
She’s just used to getting juice in the face….In the cup dear in the cup.
Myrtle Beach | September 17, 2007 at 4:08 pm
She actually looks kinda cute without makeup. She looks much softer and more sweet.
OJ Simpson | September 17, 2007 at 4:28 pm
…I think she’s finally realizing what a disgusting purposeless existence she’s led up until now.
scarecrow | September 17, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I could wile away the hours
Conferrin’ with the flowers
Consultin’ with the rain
And my head I’d be scratchin’
While my thoughts were busy hatchin’
If I only had a brain
big | September 17, 2007 at 4:36 pm
Jessica Simpson pouring O J. This has been a weird day
Lil Princess | September 17, 2007 at 4:41 pm
i think she is really pretty when she doesnt try. i’ve seen pix where she was hideous, but she looks good here… and i like that she doesnt give a shit what shes wearing while she is working out… i hate those girls who get all dolled up to go to the gym… if you are actually gonna work out, you’re going to sweat it all off anyways!!
Fumus | September 17, 2007 at 4:45 pm
#31, she’s had a purpose…my spank bank.
thatsthebestjuiceiveeverhad! | September 17, 2007 at 4:53 pm
That juice is awesome!!!
Kerry | September 17, 2007 at 4:56 pm
When I first saw that picture I was sure the title had made a mistake and the shot was actually of Britney Spears. But no, it is in fact Jessica. When did they start looking so similar?
Riotboy | September 17, 2007 at 5:00 pm
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What? | September 17, 2007 at 5:09 pm
Jessica’s boobs are real. But um, nice try. The part about Joe telling her to bounce up and down on daddy’s lap, now that’s true.
veggi | September 17, 2007 at 5:14 pm
I hate all you motherfuckers. All the animals come out at the Superfish – whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the internet.
FRIST!!! | September 17, 2007 at 5:17 pm
That’s Jimbo in the background! The dude who’s playing pocket pool while staring at her ass. Seriously, he emailed me his picture, that’ s him!
MassGrrl | September 17, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Aw, leave her alone. She actually looks pretty and fit.
MassGrrl | September 17, 2007 at 5:22 pm
And, yes, I know Baby Jesus is crying. LOL.
Kaelindra | September 17, 2007 at 5:22 pm
She looks more and more like Britney Spears. Poor girl.
ssdd | September 17, 2007 at 5:23 pm
Can’t say anything bad here….. Jessica is coming/going to the gym…that’s not a crack pipe in her hand like Blohan would have had or a hand on Chris Angels dick as Brit would have been……OR…… knocked up like Richie to a pompass wanna be superstar idiot Joel Madden……ORrrrrrr a self absorbed whore such as Paris Hilton…
Nope … can’t say anything bad here… Jessica is alright to me.
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 5:23 pm
@40 and 41 You one funny troll. I am sorry that you don’t have a life you stupid fucking troll. It is not my fault your brother off’d himself to get away from you. Get a fucking life! join the chess club, Be one of the 3 ugly ones at Deja Vu. Do something productive with your poor pathetic life you worthless piece of shit troll
Faggot | September 17, 2007 at 5:24 pm
“Oh, fuck daddy’s cock!” -Joe Simpson
tearful baby jesus | September 17, 2007 at 5:31 pm
MassGrrl, I’m surprised that these pictures roused you to comment and all the Hayden Panettiere ones didn’t (her name practically says Gayin’ Pantied Derriere).
FRIST!!! | September 17, 2007 at 5:33 pm
So Jimbo, how high is your tab at Deja Vu? I’m guessing it’s over $1000. Which girl says you’re her favorite “regular”?
Jimbo | September 17, 2007 at 5:37 pm
@49 Hey you fucking troll, I owen the place, so my tab is $0.00. Now your brother was a regular. He would tell me how much he wanted to get away from you. That is why he would sit there for hours drinking just to get your butt ugly body out of his head.
How is your brother?? Oh Yeah SFU!!!