Jessica Simpson is probably going to lose her shit

September 22nd, 2009 // 98 Comments

Now that Jessica Simpson has accepted the fact her dog Daisy was eaten by a coyote, her friends are convinced she’s probably going to “tailspin” into a giant pit of depression which, in all honesty, can’t be worse than the borderline dementia of her relationship with Daisy. People reports:

Daisy was perhaps one of the most pampered pets in Hollywood. Simpson fed Daisy steak, not dog food, and referred to herself as “Daisy’s Mommy.” When leaving the house, Simpson left on the air-conditioning for her dog; and when Daisy was sick, Simpson refused visitors so that they wouldn’t wake Daisy. She threw Daisy birthday parties, and when she talked about having a “girls’ night in” with a video, she was talking about herself and Daisy.
“Jessica has a very small inner circle,” the friend said. “But she always had Daisy. Daisy gave her unconditional love.”
And, unlike some of the men in her life, the friend added, “Daisy never betrayed her. Daisy was always there for her. This is serious. Jessica’s heart is broken.”

Not only was Daisy the anti-Tony Romo, but she also apparently took phone calls and fired employees at will:

Whenever she was out at night, Simpson called home and had “someone put Daisy on the phone so she could say goodnight.”
“Daisy ran the household,” the friend said. “If Daisy didn’t like you, you were gone. Sometimes if her regular hair and makeup people weren’t available and Jessica had a sit-in, if Daisy didn’t like them, they wouldn’t be back. Daisy ran the roost.”

Well, at least now we know who was running Jessica’s career into the ground. “Okay, Daisy, Mommy wants you to bark once if she should eat all this ice cream and switch to country. Or twice for a bucket of ribs and letting an entire state think I cursed Tony Romo. Go!”

Photos: Flynet, WireImage
superficial

  1. Randal(l)

    Finally, a post about a stupid pretty girl thats not Megan Fox. thank you the Superficial

    Randal(l)

  2. Taz

    I feel bad for her

  3. Oliver Chester The Molester Lester

    You know John Mayer is lurking. That lucky bastard is always around when he sees a dysfunctional gal.

  4. Anna

    I like animals more than people and have pets instead of kids. I feel bad for her. Can’t imagine people would be making fun of her sister if her kid was eaten by a bear in front of her. I wish the media would back off of her on this one.

  5. Valerie

    The stories could be all bullshit, but losing a dog is fucking terrible and this bitch doesn’t need it at a time like this. Sucks to be her!

  6. yea whatever

    @4
    i love animals too and my dog is awesome. but they are not CHILDREN. that’s the difference between normal people and crazy cat ladies. how could you even compare a baby eaten by a bear to this? omg i’m so done with this post.

  7. Shep

    Millions of starving children in the world but I’m going to feel bad for a millionaires lost dog. What a hard life. People who treat animals better then fellow human beings are delusional and need help.

  8. Shep

    oh and my post was directed at @4. Aka crazy cat lady anna.

  9. Orly

    @7
    when was the last time you travelled to africa and fed starving kids?
    so shut the fuck up you hypocrite loser.

    i don’t give much about simpson but as a huge animal lover i feel really bad for her and i think it’s really sick to make fun of people at times like this.

  10. Anna

    #6. The comparison is that many people view their pets as children. People that can’t have chidren, have lost children or can’t socialize well with others. With your “omg” you sound like a spoiled little brat that probably calls her mommy or daddy and cries every time she has a bad day. And no, I’m not a crazy cat lady or a giant, unattractive hag. I simply have a sense of empathy for her on this.

  11. JoJo

    If that sh*t happened to me , I would be a wreck too. So sorry, Jessica.

  12. Sport

    #4 just a heads up, you are going to die single and alone.

  13. havoc

    Grown women who act like this scare the hell outta me….

    Those bimbos who lived with Hefner were the same way.

    .

  14. Shep

    @9
    Actually I donate money to famine relief quite a bit so you might want to spend a little less time making assumptions and a little more time learning how to read and write

    “I don’t give much about simpson” ?

    Seriously, a 10 year old could put sentences together better then that. At least you know how to use profanity in a sentence, that’s a shocker.

  15. She fed it Steak and Pampered it That Coyote ate like a fucking king…..

  16. Anna

    And at “shep” and “yea whatever” – Fuck you for making me feel compelled to defend Jessica Simpson. I think she’s a talentless, vapid twit to be honest, and her situation, not her personally, is why I even posted.

    #12 – I’ll be sure to tell my fiance that. I’m willing to bet my looks against your looks that I would never even glance in your direction and you could never get a woman like me.

    Lastly, I have dogs, you jackasses.

  17. Wily C Coyote

    Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

    Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom ..er..uumm..ech ..dog tag….

    Om nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom

  18. Anna

    Hey shep: It’s “than that” not “then that”. That’s pretty ironic. You making fun of someone’s grammar and you don’t even know that simple difference. Ha. You’re (not your) stupid.

  19. CakeSnifferer

    Seriously jason hammer, I’ll bet Daisy was perfectly marbled and a nice juicy treat after that rich diet. Anyhow, good riddance – who knows maybe it will compel this idiot to grow up a bit.

  20. Anon

    wow #17
    Do you really think you’re the prettiest girl in school and that you’re out of anyones league!?!

    I hate self obsessed desperate cunts with that mentality.
    I hope you are as good looking as you claim because your personality is ugly as sin.

    At least Jessica Simpson who you’re obviously jealous about because (along with most of the population) is prettier than you doesn’t go round saying things like that.
    You are single and probably a virgin and will die alone like someone said so better buy a dog with a HUGE tongue and lots of winalot to get you through those long lonely nights.

  21. Shep is disappoint

    Shep – hey captain Douche, do you even know where your money goes for “famine relief?” At least it helps you with your guilt.

    Anna already corrected you, so I’ll leave you with “Die in a Fire.”

  22. Jim

    I wish I had her cellphone number, so I could call her up pretending to be Daisy, and tell her I’m OK, but the coyote wants a million dollar ransom. Because I think she’d believe it was really Daisy calling, until her financial manager explains that he won’t get a million dollars in cash, because dogs can’t talk.

  23. Anna

    #21 or Sport,

    Anna

  24. Jammy

    Stripping naked and being photographed has been proven to be theraputic…..

  25. stupidass

    sucks. it’s so unfair, too. it should have been tinkerbell. that dog’s a little bitch

  26. stupidass

    DINGOS ATE MY BAYBEEEEEE

  27. toolboy

    David Spade is on his way over to bang her puckered little chili hole right now….

  28. Travis Bickle

    “Jessica has a very small inner circle”

    Another way of saying the dog is her only friend.

    Oh wait – WAS her only friend. Ayuk.

  29. As long as losing your shit results in losing some weight, I’m absolutely fine with it. She actually needs to lose her shit more than once in my opinion.

  30. Ashley

    When you lose a pet that you love, it doesn’t make their importance any less because there are starving children and ugly fatties in the world. Why is that even brought up in this topic? I feel bad for anyone that loses a loved pet.

  31. dean johnson

    i love animals as much or more so than the next person,,but she’s a dunce.
    the coyote shoulda run off with her dumb ass.

  32. stacy

    I HATE crazy pet people….get a life!! FREAKS

  33. Anon

    #24
    If only me and sport was the same person.
    Try again.

  34. yea whatever...pt 2

    Anna, if i lost my dog i would be devastated and inconsolable. I also feel bad for the girl. BUT A BABY THAT COMES FROM INSIDE YOUR WOMB, SUCKS ON YOUR TITS FOR LIFE, CALLS YOU MAMA, SPEAKS ENGLISH AND RUNS TO YOU IN TEARS SO YOU CAN MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY. BABIES GROW UP AND BECOME CHILDREN THEN REBELLIOUS TEENAGERS THEN ADULTS. THEY START FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN, MAKE YOU A GRANDMA. But I digress.

    If Mowgli or however you spell it was eaten by a bear, no, nobody would be making fun of Ashlee. Well idk. I actually wouldn’t put it past the superficial.

    And your assumption of me being a spoiled brat that cries to my Mommy or Daddy whenever I have a bad day was false, retarded and completely unfounded and that’s what makes me angry. So now it is my turn to make assumptions. You wish you could call your Mommy or Daddy every time YOU had a bad day but for some reason can’t. Maybe they’re dead, maybe they hate you, maybe they make fun of you for being a crazy cat lady that owns dogs, maybe they’re mad that you won’t make them grandbabies and insist pooch is good enough. Don’t fuck with me, I’ll keep going. I’m not a spoiled brat, just a bitch.

    p.s. omg

  35. yea whatever...pt 2

    Anna, if i lost my dog i would be devastated and inconsolable. I also feel bad for the girl. BUT A BABY THAT COMES FROM INSIDE YOUR WOMB, SUCKS ON YOUR TITS FOR LIFE, CALLS YOU MAMA, SPEAKS ENGLISH AND RUNS TO YOU IN TEARS SO YOU CAN MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER IS A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT STORY. BABIES GROW UP AND BECOME CHILDREN THEN REBELLIOUS TEENAGERS THEN ADULTS. THEY START FAMILIES OF THEIR OWN, MAKE YOU A GRANDMA. But I digress.

    If Mowgli or however you spell it was eaten by a bear, no, nobody would be making fun of Ashlee. Well idk. I actually wouldn’t put it past the superficial.

    And your assumption of me being a spoiled brat that cries to my Mommy or Daddy whenever I have a bad day was false, retarded and completely unfounded and that’s what makes me angry. So now it is my turn to make assumptions. You wish you could call your Mommy or Daddy every time YOU have a bad day but for some reason can’t. Maybe they’re dead, maybe they hate you, maybe they make fun of you for being a crazy cat lady that owns dogs, maybe they’re mad that you won’t make them grandbabies and insist pooch is good enough. Don’t fuck with me, I’ll keep going. I’m not a spoiled brat, just a bitch.

    p.s. omg

  36. A. Soto

    “…can’t be worse than the borderline dementia of her relationship with Daisy.”

    Fuck you! Dogs are like family. I’d also be devastated in her place.

  37. qwerty

    I got excited when I glanced at the title of this reading “Jessica Simpson is probably going to lose her SHIRT.” Sad that wasn’t the case.

  38. Anon

    Cut Jess some slack here – losing a pet is like losing a member of your family and you go through the grieving process just the same way.
    What happened to her dog is a horrible experience for anyone. My heart goes out to Jessica.

  39. Kapnkool

    How to avoid getting your dog eaten by a coyote:

    BUY A LEASH.

  40. Kapnkool

    How to avoid getting your dog eaten by a coyote:

    BUY A LEASH.

  41. tigresswoods

    @35 What are you, like totally 16 and missed school today? Calm the shit down honey and go watch The Hills on Tivo.

  42. Woof

    My dogs are more spoiled than hers was! My dogs are also cuter and smarter!

  43. Clamhammer

    Um……………….Pull your shit together lady.

  44. lucycharms

    I feel bad like I would for anyone who lost a pet.

    Nick Lachey should just go buy her another puppy ( not as a replacement but another chance). It would do several things

    1. keep a person who has clearly already lost it (dated Romo… gross!!!) kind of together. C’mon we all know starlets can all become Brittney or Lohan at any moment.

    2. even if Nick is a douchebag…. it will definitively prove he was always the better person. Especially over Mayer, Romo & any other losers in her closet.

    3. if he did wanna go back to her…. this would seal the deal.

    4. Most importantly…. this would be his own personal F- you to Daddy Simpson. Nick Lachey helped his little girl at her worst moment.

  45. lucycharms

    PS. yes the new puppy should come with a leash

  46. Kerry

    FU*K each and every last one of you idiots. All of you are morons for even feeding into this….

  47. satisfiedcoyote

    Thanks Kerry, you’re a sweetheart.

  48. Kerry

    Oh yeah…and Anna, shut you dumb fat ass up. We all know that you can’t bet your looks against a pile of dog shit and that your fat ass is sitting behind that computer with a piece of fried chicken in one hand and a baby in the other arm while you live the life you wish you had over the computer screen.

    Pshhh. Just save us all and STFU. Really.

  49. Kerry

    coyote, you’re effing welcome

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